Good news! I think.<P>Last night, as my wife and I were laying down to bed, she said to me that I was pretty quiet the whole evening. I said "In what way?" She said "Just kind of reflecting, deep in thought. What is on your mind?" <P>(I liked that she was actually concerned with what was on my mind, but somewhat disappointed that my mood showed through)<P>I said "I've just been thinking about us, honey - what is going to happen to us, and stuff."<BR>She was silent, so I said "I've been worried about Taiwan."<P>I am going on a business trip to Taiwan for 8 days in a couple weeks and I've been worried about her having that much time without me around to Plan A.<P>She said "Well, he is in Europe for 2 months, so you have nothing to worry about."<P>I did breathe somewhat of a sigh of relief (inaudible, I assure you) but also said "Honey, what I am worried about is right here..." and I placed my hand on her heart. I said "If you were to draw a heart, and then draw a line through it, to divide how much of your heart belongs to him and how much belongs to me, where would that line be?"<BR>She said, "I don't know."<P>I decided not to push it anymore, then. I have been feeling really low and every glimmer of hope seems to have faded to nothing, and now I see just a spark of light again. I want so badly for her to choose me over him. I don't want her to stay with me because she thinks she has no other choice. I can't stand to spend the rest of our lives being second choice in her heart. So now it makes sense why I haven't noticed the secretive behavior I usually see, with her wanting to get online and talking to him and not wanting me around. I think they still have some contact. I am sure of it, actually. But it is very limited. <P>Thanks to all of you that have been praying for us! I really think this is intervention from high, and an awesome chance for me to really show her that I can make her happy.<P>So, as hard as I have been Plan A-ing, how in the world do I figure out how to step it up?!

Godlyman:<P>Don't smother that spark of hope... You've got to somehow accept it, reflect on it, and then Plan A ahead like it never happened. Don't try to parlay it into anything else... Just keep the faith and be true to yourself and your Plan A. Sounds like things are more on the better side than on the worse side, to me...<P>Good going,<BR>zen

GM:<P>It is good news. You ask about stepping up plan A---I would advise you to strive for solid consistancy in your new behaviors first. You want to demonstrate these behaviors consistantly---for the rest of your life. If you go nuts and try to take too much on, you're going to do a less consistant job. And instead of getting credit for the 90% of stuff you're doing right, you run the risk of getting "marked off" for the 10% of stuff you've dropped.<P>Don't worry so much on what is motivating her to stay. All you want at this juncture is for her to be there. And your job is to Plan A.

So true about the 90/10 thing. That's something I just got done saying in another post. You can do everything right, and show love, excitment, respect, everything a spouse could want in a marriage, and then LB just a small portion of the time and all your efforts are made in vain.<P>I've been keeping a cool head though, and consistency should be easier now. But if at the end of the two months, she goes back to him and meets him, physically, oh man, that will be it. Ok, ok, I'm working myself up. Gooood thoughts, consistency.

GM,<P>This all sounds good to me. I would give anything to sleep beside my wife one more time. I can remember that last time like is was yesterday. I don't beleive in this second choice stuff. I believe that if she chooses you whatever the reason may be, your going to show her the new you and like the book (SAA) mentioned as time goes by she will begin to wonder how in the world she could have done what she did. Meet those needs GM and Plan A like crazy while he is gone. Good luck, GM, pray like crazy.

Well, he did go to Europe, but it certainly wasn't for 2 months =(<P>I just found an email this morning in our account that she deleted, where the OM was talking about them chatting on Saturday, and "powerwashing his deck with is wife". So he is obviously home. She lied to me and said it was 2 months, so I'd stay off her back.<P>I am so upset. This roller coaster ride freaking sucks. I have almost had it. I was Plan A ing SOOOO good!!! Now it is going to SO hard.<P>ARGH!!!!<P>My advice to BSes - DON'T SNOOP!!!! I wish I still thought he was in Europe=**(<p>[This message has been edited by GodlyMan (edited August 20, 2001).]

<as the cart approaches bottom, I suddenly feel it twist and then hurl itself up an impossibly steep upramp, and I feel myself almost vertical, climbing up, up...><P>What goes up, must come down, and where there's a shadow - there's a light. I'm getting dizzy.<P>What happened? Well, my wife found out I checked her email and found out he is back. Think that is a LB? Then I tried to lie and say I didn't check it. Think that is bad? Then I confessed. Think she's mad at me? Nope. Why? I have no freaking clue. <P>She has been SO different lately. She lets me watch at night when she chats - she never used to do that.<P>She initiates kisses with me, good ones too - she never used to do that.<P>She seems happy to be with me, instead of daydreaming constantly and just looking forward to her next moment she can get online and talk to the OM - she definitely hasn't been doing that.<P>Until the past few weeks, that is.<P>I asked her "What caused the change?"<P>I expected her to take forever, or say she just doesn't know, but she came back, almost immediately "I feel like you've backed off, and started to trust me, and that has made it easier for me to love you."<P>My heart rejoiced, yet hurt, at the same time. I believe her. My Plan A efforts have been intense. I haven't LB'ed til yesterday, and it's made an impact. But I let my curiosity and frustration get the best of me and I can only hope she doesn't stop doing what she's been doing. I am hurt, because I let her down. I wish SO bad I hadn't snooped. (or that I didn't get caught?) But today was a VERY good day. Yesterday, she tried to register for fall classes, but I left early when I thought she had it under control and everything went wrong when I wasn't there. Today, I took off from work and went with her and everything went perfectly and she was SO happy. <P>Is she stringing me along? I don't know. I don't care. I am gonna Plan A like crazy and make her fall in love with me like she's never been. And if she is stringing me along, then oh well. She'll regret it that much more when I throw her butt out.