I found a really old cell phone invoice (one I had probably already looked at) and noticed a local phone number being called numerous times during the two-period that the PA took place. I did a little research and found out that this number belonged to the residence of the OW's sister (my H met her through the sister being one of his work clients). The OW had been visiting the year before when they first met and the EA started. A feeling of pain came over me simply because I realized that the sister was so close to home. My H had always assured me that no one really knew but I live in such a small city that I could run into these peopl anytime without really knowing it. The OW, of course, is overseas whereas the sister immigrated. My H wasn't home at the time but when he did arrive, I was so emotionally drained. I didn't scream. What I did say was that I only wanted his honesty. I then revealed that I knew the number which he didn't remember because it was back in October'00 which is when the PA happened. <P>He then said that these people are innocent and never approved of what was happening. It just enraged me that he was attempting to protect since I felt that myself and my daughter are the innocent ones. I still kept my cool but then replied, "I'd love to drive by their house and introduce them to myself and my daughter so they can tell the OW what she's contributed to...I know this was an LB but couldn't stop myself. The duct tape should have stayed on but I was bitter. Instead of going any further, I left with my daughter for 3 hours. Before I left, he became SO very angry. He said, It happened. I said nothing. He's now been very angry for two days saying he has to move out NOW. What do I do?

I don't know the whole story, but if the A is over, you should probably bury this phone bill with it. And I would suggest Plan A back into recovery...

You're so right...but recovery is really a fantasy in my mind these days.<P>Thanks for the response, M&J

Hello Terrified,<P>I can relate so much to your situation. The details that come up after the affair has come to light makes you question everything. However, it is a major LB to bring up the past even when you have just uncovered another detail. <P>I am almost a year into recovery. My H and I are doing very well. It took about 8 months for us to get over the really horrible times recovering from his affair. EA in April '00 turned PA in May '00. H moved out in August, came back three weeks later, suspected him of resuming affair, kicked him out. H moved back again in September '00 and has been home ever since.<P>Last week I printed out an article on infidelity, the causes, the recovery etc. I gave it to H to read and he considered this a major LB. He wants to forget the affair, wants to move on and gets very upset if I bring it up. I did not bring it up in the heat of an argument or anything like that. I brought it up for us to learn from this experience. I am not going to pretend this never happened.<P>However, I have realized that I need to not bring it up anymore. I know he will want to talk about this again, I have to let him do it on his timetable. The fallout from bringing it up is not worth it. <P>I too have thought about going over to the OWs family, informing them of what she has done. However, as your H pointed out they are innocent. The OW's sister did not intentionally hurt you. The NO CONTACT rule must be maintained by not only your H but by you also. <P>I am sure this is not the last of the details of the affair that you will find out. However, you must determine if you are going to let this set the course of your marriage. Is it worth it to confront him on the details after the fact. What is done is done and cannot be undone. Both you and your H need to move forward and heal.<P>You need to implement Plan A again. If you still want your marriage you need to implement it right away. I had to do this even when my H hurt me the worst. I often thought that the world got skewed on its axis. My H had the affair, abandoned my children (3 kids) and I after 17 years of marriage, yet I had to be the one who made sure all was right when he came home. I was upbeat, smiling, met most of his ENs while he went into withdrawal and was so distant at times. I railed in my private moments at the unfairness of it all. How come I did not have one of those remorseful husbands that would crawl over broken glass to fix what he had destroyed. <P>However, I wanted my H back and to have my family intact. I can now say we are very happy but the price was very high. I never again want to go through the pain and the aftermath of his affair. <P>Search your heart T. I am sure you love your H. You have to determine when you are going to stop punishing him for his affair.<P>NoMo <BR>

Terrified:<P>Can I relate. My H decided 6 months ago to confess about a few "one nighters". Me. Devastated & sick. Well, over the past 6 months the ONS were all A's. I went crazy looking thru phone/credit card receipts.<P>The worst was the continued lies. I had evidence and he denied.<P>I got the same story...ok it happened I lied I don't want to deal with it.<P>I feel for you. My H felt that his confessing got him off the hook. He dumped all the guilt on me & the kids.<P>What I'm doing ?<P>Letting H know that what he shared with the OW was also a part of me & my life & I have a right to know. I have threatened to contact the OW & their families. But I really just want the lies to stop. Kinda sounds like you.<P>Be honest with your H & yourself. I was reluctant to let my H walk ( more afraid that he wouldn't come back) He left & it really made him think. He came back & we are now in therapy...<P>A good book.....After the Affair. For both of you to read.

Thanks for your responses. Today, I just feel SO hurt and H is SO consumed by anger. I guess you're right...snap out of it and continue Plan A.