Does anyone thinks it's rude or insensitive when no one replies to your post ?

Dear Louser,<P>For the timeframe of your previous post has been a little over 1 hour. I am still at work and was in process of responding to your post. I understand you are upset. We are supporting each other on a voluntary basis. Please understand that this is being done while we all have to take care of our individual responsibilities. <P>Please be patient with us. It is not a point of anyone being rude. <P>Take Care, I will respond to you soon. We have a bit in common. I was not able to see your profile to be able to get better acquainted with you. I will keep trying. <P>L. <BR>

Orchid....<P>Many thanks. I am very busy myself. I have 4 children & own my own health club. I am on my way now to teach a step class & pretend that I am so happy to be standing in fr0nt of 30 people while they work off their frustrations.<P>The best part is that I dropped from 120lb to 95lb in about 4 months and I can't stand that everyone tells me I look great & Wow what did you do to lose the weight.<P>I hate myself...but when someone asks if they can get on the same diet as me I usually respond...."Find out that after 17 years & 4 kids that your "Mr. Wonderful" has been cheating on you, got another woman (his secretary) pregnant, took the OW to his college reunion, had an A while you were pregnant and blames it all on you" I'd rather be FAT !!!<P>I'll look for you later.<P>

Louser not many have the time is the day to actually post massive replies. I personally have no idea how to help you.<P> Like Orchid says, please be patient with the people online. I will say that asking if it is rude, seems rude, and you will not get many replies then.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by louser:<BR><B>Does anyone thinks it's rude or insensitive when no one replies to your post ?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Listen, it takes time. please provide more of your story for us. Like when did you find out... ect...how you are coping,,,is your husband still dissing you or is he trying to commit...people will respond in kind however it takes time : ))<P> Due to your attitude it is my understanding that you just found us today. If that is the case start reading all Harleys works which address your concerns...we will be here for support!!!<BR>

I understand the frustration of posting when you are really down and having no one post. My first few posts here got little to no reponses. And at the time I was falling apart and really needed someone, anyone, to talk to. Thank goodness a couple of people finally responded to those posts. I think it saved my sanity.<P>What I have found is that usually I get more out of responding to other people. I do not ask for help easily so responding works very well for me. Like anything else in life, you will get more out of the MB forums the more you participate. By building relationships with people, you will find they will care about you and look out for you.<P>Another thing that helps to try to respond to each person who responds to you. Posting here takes a lot of time and energy. It is very frustrating to post a response and then never know if the person even took the time to read it. <P>Z

I've had similar questions about etiquette. It takes a while to figure out how this board actually functions. Frankly, we're pretty forgiving of newcomers doing or saying practically anything - but you're not likely to know that.<P>This board has gotten pretty busy lately. Some days a post can fall off the front page in a couple of hours. That's bad for a first timer. I know when I posted my first question I was pretty desperate for some kind of response and sat there hitting the refresh button. <P>Actually, two of the responders here were among the first to my post (thanks Z, Orchid). Can't thank them enough, don't know how they do it either. I have trouble responding in a serious way to more than about 1 or 2 posts in a day.<P>Questions of etiquette? <P>I believe that everyone who posts needs to get a response. I don't think it's rude to bump your own post back to the top to keep it visible for more people. I think a lot of people won't bump their own posts so I check occasionally for neglected threads and bump them - I know a lot of other people do this too.<P>After a while here, you'll find that most people tend to have regular schedules and if a post doesn't stay on the first page for a full day (at least) it's going to miss some people who might have wanted to respond to it. <P>I want to second Zorweb's comment about responding to people who reply to your post. IMO (in my opinion) you should strive to always have the last reply on all of your own threads. Sometimes people reply and ask questions that you need to follow up on. I keep checking threads that I have replied to just in case the poster might want to ask me a follow-up question. I like to get the closure of a final comment by the original poster.<P>I guess everyone else has already said this stuff. <P>I don't mind you asking your question at all. I'm glad you didn't get discouraged and leave. I read your "She was pregnant" thread and just didn't have anything useful to say but I know that others here have gone through similar stuff. Don't be afraid to bump it to the top to give them a chance to see it.<P>I got the following fortune in a Chinese cookie yesterday:<BR> "Your nurturing instincts will expand to include many people." <BR>It prompted me to reply to you. <P>I showed that fortune to W and she didn't make the connection to this place. Like Zorweb, I feel I get a lot of benefit from coming here and replying to others posts. Now, I know that I'm working on my "nurturing skills".<P>I hope this place helps you.<P>--Jeffers<BR>

louser, I am the WS, but I hate myself for what I've done to my H and family. I don't have any advice to give you, but there are many of us here who like to talk, who need to vent. I sometimes see new members post topics, and see no responses. My H and I try to commit to them but we don't always have advice to give or a chance to see them when we are at work. So keep responding and posting. <BR>Keep your head up! Sherry

Keep reading. You will find out that a lot of people are going through similar situations and you could find answers to your own questions just by reading. Keep posting! We're here!<P>Also--there are many letters and articles in Harley's Concepts that could be very, extremely helpful to you regardless of what state your marriage is in.<P>I don't think it's rude or insensitive. Sometimes it just has to do with a catchy title or a screen name that is more familiar as everyone has their own stories.<P>Stick around. Keep talking. Keep posting. Look to help and support others and in the process, you will receive help and support.

WELLlouser, you are getting feedback, and where have you gone off too?? <P>Allie<BR>

louser - I will validate your feelings of rudeness or insensitivity. Just like lovebusters, it's what YOU feel that matters regardless of what our intent was or wasn't. Your frustrations are very understandable.<P>I admit that I try to ration my time on the forum and I'm trying to ween myself off of it a little. I would love to respond to every poster to return the wonderful support I've gotten here, but it's impossible. This is one of the reasons I wrote a "generic" post for posterity on the Just Found Out board, "WAT's Quick Start Guidelines for Betrayed Spouses." (I need to check how many pages it's slipped back.)<P>Anyway, rudeness and insensitivity was not intended.<P>Good Luck,<BR>WAT

I apologize for sounding insensitive. I wsn't actually talking about just myself. As I scrolled thru the post yeaterday i noticed that a few new members had 0 responses to their post & I thought how sad. We are all here for support & yeas answering post is helpful, I was just concerned about New Members like myself that feel lost & alone already & then take a step to finally post & then get no response. It hurts, especially if you see other post gettting attention.<P>I was just trying to feel things out. Didn't mean to offend anyone. Thanks for all the rsponses. I needed it.

louser,<P>No need to appologize. <P>There has been a lot of talk on this forum lately on handling the new members. We do need to make sure that their posts do not fall off the first page unanswered. While I do try to make it my own goal to do that, I've been having trouble lately finding the time to post here because my work demands has greatly increased (I've been locked in a classroom for the last three days.... ugh. They only let me out for lunch.) and then my hubby and I are having some parenting issues that are keeping us tired up and off the forum. <P>So maybe you can help us with this. Sometimes just a quick hello and advising people to read the material on the web site goes a long way.<P>Z

Louser,<P>I'm sure everyone has felt this way at one time or another. Just hang in there and people will come to the rescue. Many of the folks in here are working and doing other things but they will reply. <P>gc

the only thing worse than no post? getting posts!! just means your the only one who didnt know the answer already <P>hope your doing better today!

CHAZ you are everywhere today LOL<P>Allie

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by alexy:<BR><B>CHAZ you are everywhere today LOL<P>Allie</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>look whos talking