I feel so sad. H came over tonight and he was a little crabby rough day at work or so he says. We talked a little about us, nothing major and the first thing he does is bring up things from our past. He made the comment tonight you shouldn't be trying to please me and I started crying, Then he said why are you crying. He refuses to go to counseling because he doesn't see it as helping us I said you don't know that and he said neither do you. I kept it at a very calm tone but I couldn't help crying. The minute things start to look up for us I get my hopes up and then a few days later it comes crashing down. He continues to tell me that there is no one else. He's lied to me since the day he left. I really hate that B**** that he works with this is terrible but I hope she falls off the face of the earth. I swear if I get one more phone bill with her number all over it that's it!! I can't take this limbo state any more. This has been the worst summer of my life. When he comes over the kids give him hugs and tell him that they love him and then go on their way it's like they don't even care anymore. I resent that I have to be Mommy & Daddy I love my kids to death but I didn't ask for this and neither did they. He also made the comment that his W threw him out and that I thought he's come home in a few days well wasn't I shocked. On the weekends things aren't to bad but during the week he's so different. I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I really want him to go to counseling and I can't ask him. Tonight I tried to show him this catalog and he said what's that more MC bulls***. It really hurt my feelings. I hate being emotional. Why is it that he enjoys being intimate with me and we're not talking just sex but he can't share his feelings with me? I just don't get it. I hate the fog!!!!! Sorry this is long I just needed to vent.<BR>cybil

Dear Cybil,<P>I am sorry you are hurting. <<<hugs>>>>><P>Whatever is in your H's mind or condition is what he is not sharing with you and it appears to be tearing you up. <P>I would like to share this thread with you that helped me when I was in your situation. It is called the 5 stages of grieving. It has helped many and very simple. One of the important points is that it helped me as the BS understand where my feelings were. Gave me some stability knowing that I was not alone out there in this unavigated waters of the A. <P> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002494.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002494.html</A> <P>You are trying to understand something you can not understand at the moment. So you can continue to beat your head and heart against that stone wall or pull back, look at your situation, acess what is important to you and work on the part that is within your control, yourself and your children. This is hard I know, you probably don't want to hear that right now. The info in the SAA book is good for you to review. Try reading Buffy's post about the interview with Dr. Glass. If you can't find it, I can post it to you. <P>Cybil, this is not all lost. H is out there in confusion but refusing your assistance. Maybe the best help is no help right now. So strengthen yourself so that when he is ready to accept your help, you can be there to support him and guide him back to his family. <P>Take Care,<BR>L. <P>

Hi Cybil, I am so sorry to hear your pain! I agree with Orchid, you are trying to understand the fog, YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE FOG!!!<P>The rollercoaster ride sucks!!! I hated it. Up and down, up and down. You know why he is so different during the week (as opposed to weekends), it's because he's with that bit**!!!<P>Please, vent here to us, don't take any of it back to your husband and try not to LB. Get it all out and let us hear your pain.<P>Your H is beyond education. Nothing you say will sink in and may even push him further away. You cannot educate those in the fog. The only thing you can do is to show them changes in yourself (plan A) and meet their EN's as best as possible. <P>Orchid's post on the 5 stages of grieving is awesome. I recommend it as well.<P>You can do this!! We are here if you need to vent some more.<BR>HbH

Thanks Orchid and HbH I feel a little better right now. A good cry usually helps. I haven't cried in awhile. In the beginning I thought I'd never stop I thought God sure blessed me with an abundance of tears. I know I can't do anything to change him or make him come out of the fog sooner than he is ready he is still a good person for the most part calls me everyday sometimes more than once a day comes by to see the kids. This morning he was kinda short w/me on the phone and then called back and apologized and did again tonight. Sometimes I feel as though I just want to run away and not tell any one where we (kids) are going. I couldn't do that to my friends or family though I'd hurt them terribly. Thanks for being there and letting me vent. My MB friends are the best!