It's been 6 months now and I'm in plan B for almost a week now. Affairs are supposed to end before 6 months. Should I be facing some reality that it's over because it's lasted this long? Are there very many of you who have had a WS return after more than 6 months? I'd like to know my chances.

Maezy... I'm too new too offer any personal advise, but I keep looking over posts in the Recovery Forum and it doesnt seem that 6 months is anything to worry about. Yeah, sure that is easy to say! But many WS seem to have returned after that majical number. Just wanted to pass that on - good luck!

In my case, H and I started in recovery after 4 months had passed, so I can't help you with your search on stats there (sorry).<P>Where did you hear that A's end in 6 months? The only 6 months timeframe I'm aware of is the 'suggested' time for plan A, and then up to an 18 month plan B. <P>IMO, the A is going to last as long as it's going to last. If you are confident in yourself that you have done a good plan A, and are truly ready to commit to your plan B, then that is all you need to focus on. Part of plan B is letting go of the A... in that I mean, plan B is entirely about YOU. Focus on YOU. Not on the A. You should try and get into the frame of mind that if your H comes home and is willing to work on the marriage 100% with you, then great... and if he doesn't come home, then that's okay too, because you have become a better person, and you'll do just fine.<P>Take care,<BR>Karen<BR>

runningonfaith-Thanks for your input. I need some encouragement<P>Topie25- I did read in SAA that most A's end before 6 months.You are right about the A lasting as long as it's going to last, but I guess that's what I'm afraid of, it might last for years.Thanks for your reply.

My husband began his affair via internet Oct 98. Started noticing changes in his personality Nov 98. He asked me for a divorce Christmas day 98. I feel that we separated at this point (we were already living apart because both of us were in the military--he was attending a military school and was awaiting orders to a new duty station.)<P>Feb 99--he called and asked if I wanted to get back together. After much hassling back and forth, I got out of the army to go with him, but we remained separated and his affair continued through Dec 99. I joined him at his duty station, but after 6 months of foolishness, I returned back to the states. We were separated again for 9 months. We got back together--meaning that he came back to the states and got me--in March 2001.<P>So don't give it up hope. Sometimes it takes people a REALLY long time to realize they are totally jacked up. I still don't think he knows how wrong he was. In fact, I am sure of it.<p>[This message has been edited by Bernzini (edited August 15, 2001).]

Maezy,<BR>I thought it's more like in 6-18 months timeframe the As often end. <BR>My H fits in this group. He made his first attempt to make our marriage work after 12 months, we had been separated 9 months by that time. This failed, OW was dumped but we didn't moved back together. During those two months we saw each other a lot. Then H backed off for two more months, wanted a divorce and waffled big time and just last weekend told me he wants to go counselling, wants to sort out things and make the marriage work!!! We have been separated 11 months soon and I am in no rush to move back in with him. H has started reading MB website and thought it was good.I believe we have got the tools now to make the marriage work. You wouldn't believe how many times I was ready to give up... <BR>Hang in there... very patiently...<BR>B

A lot of A have lasted longer than 6 months before they're revealed. My WH A lasted 2 weeks before he confessed, but even after the confession it still lingered on. He said it stopped for a while, but evidently I LB too much(pre-MB) and he went back. Now I'm plan Aing. He moved out on Monday, to sort things out and to hopefully rediscover his love for me without her present( she lives nearby). I guess that is what they call "waffleing"? Anyway , don't give up ,yet. You have along way to go, if you're only 6 months into this...

My H just moved home after an 18 month separation.<P>His EA started in Nov 99. Went PA when he moved out in March 2000. He broke contact and we tried to reconcile for a couple of months in Dec 2000. March 2001 I started the divorce train and he went back to his OW. And the first week in July 2001, he ended things with OW, wrote the no contact letter, and moved home.<P>So for us its been almost 2 years of affair hell before it got genuinely better.<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

If I remember right, affairs generally last 6 months to 2 years AFTER discovery.<P>For the record, Robert returned after a little more than 7 months of living with PT...I stayed in Plan A the entire time.<P>Hang in there.<P>Lori

Maezy I'm so glad you posted this thread. I needed to read all of these responses as much as you. I'm not sure how I would get through this time without this supportive environment to come to. I can't imagine how much I would be hassling my H instead. Thank you all.

My H and I were separated for 9 months after his affair with my best friend. We didn't talk or have much contact until 5 months into it, we dated after 6. Even then, I know now it was too soon to have him come home. I was still working on myself and didn't get as far as I should have. Of course, I didn't know the truth until recently, they both swore it was emotional only. She also claimed that she wasn't really involved, just trying to be a "friend" to him. Yeah, right. I have a lot of male friends but never have I had oral sex with them.<P>It's hard to be separated, but without it, we wouldn't be married now. Don't give up hope and remember prayer works!

I have posted this before but maybe it helps, we are both in counseling seperate and together. Her affair started may of 2000, discovery was Jan. 2001. She has ended it or said she has ended it many times but 8 months later she is still involved. I hope that helps, I didnt see any slow down at six months. But it seems she is on the fence now, I dont know how long that process will take or if Ill be here to see it end. Good Luck, Bill

I've been away and so only now have read your responces. I can't tell you all how much they have given me renewed hope. You guys are great. For some reason I had it in my head that the A would be over by 6 months for sure. Thankyou thankyou, thankyou!!!

Maezy,<BR>Another way to look at it is, the longer the affair, the more likely reality sets in, and if fantasy was the attraction, it may loose its appeal, and when it is over, it is over.<P>H PA 18 months. Separated 7 times, 14 months out of 21. I was Plan A for 18 months, then acted "as if divorced" (my counselor's alternative to Plan B--which I found difficult with the kids). Reconciled a little over 2 years after the A began. Back together 15 months.<P>You don't have to plan for 2 years right now, try to set a goal for another 2, 3, 6 months of Plan B, then reevaluate. I think most of us freaked at the thought of going through this for 2 years, so it may be easier mentally, emotionally to take it in steps of time periods. One thing you can count on, and that is that time passes no matter what your life is like.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8