Does this EVER STOP???? Seems like everyday something smacks me right in the face.<P>Friday I go to court with H...of course he has his girlfriend with him....OMG she is really pregnant. Now this is enough to make me ill...I can't deal with this. <P>Today I called because I thought he probably put in for the divorce...yes he did. <P>The divorce papers he put in...this is the ultimate worst...<BR>His grounds for absolute divorce are:<P>1. <B>Constructive Desertion..He left me because of MY cruel and vicious conduct made the continuation of our marriage impossible, if he were to preserve his health, safety, and self-respect (how could he have any). My conduct was the final and deliberate act of ME and our separation has continued without interruption for more than 12 months and there is no reasonable expectation that we will reconcile.</B><P>2. <B>Cruelty/Excessively Vicious Conduct Against Him - I persistently treated him cruelly and have engaged in excessively vicious conduct rendering continuation of the marital relationship impossible if HE is to preserve his health, safety, and self-respect, and there is no reasonable expectation that we will reconcile.</B><P>This is unreal....I can't believe he did this. I'm cruel and vicious...so he HAD to leave??? To preserve his health, safety and what self-respect could he possibly have doing this. His leaving me to commit adultery, his living with his pregnant girlfriend...this is preserving his SELF-RESPECT. His safety...he is a man 6'....I'm 5'... Preserve his health...it has gotten worse since he has left. Give me a break....this is INSANE. <P>Now, I don't get it??? I took him in when he had NO where to go, but on the street. I took care of him when he was sick. Forced him to go to the hospital, or he wouldn't be here today. The Dr. even told me this, he said if you had not got him here when you did, he would have died. I stayed by his side practically 24 hours a day the whole time he was there, taking care of him. When I brought him home I took care of him like a baby, he could hardly do anything. I always put that man first. I pampered him, carried him breakfast in bed. With his chronic illness...always cooking homemade meals..carefully preparing them (special diet) so he wouldn't be sick. He always said if he didn't eat my food...he got sick. I mixed his medication, made sure he took it...if I didn't he would forget and pay dearly. I even drove it to him...if he forgot. I sat up all night with him, if he was sick. Made all his Dr. appointments, took him there. I did everything I could to make him comfortable. Is this being cruel...vicious??????<P>This is another stab in my heart. How could he hate me so much? Why does he want to try to destroy ME? I gave him ALL my love...and he is stomping it in the dirt..dragging me through the MUD. What's wrong with this picture...who is the one that is cruel and excessively vicious??? That vicious OW is behind all of this....why is he so under her control? <P>He is NO longer the man I knew!!!!!<P>I think the man has totally LOST HIS MIND. This is HIS lose...he will NEVER find anyone that will LOVE and CARE for him like me. <P><BR>

Hurtwife I'm so sorry for your pain. I really don't have any words of wisdom to pass on to you. I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry and we all know what the pain feels like. Did you just find out that the OP was pregnant? Hang in there. Take care of yourself.<BR>cybil

Don't cry over this anymore. Pick yourself up and let God begin to heal your wounds. It is unbelievable how he can forget all the good times you have had and how much he obviously depended on you in the past. What a user. See, users feel that since they didn't "ask" you for the good you did and the help you provided, that they don't owe you any appreciation. "YOU OFFERED." What a crock of bull!<P>Most likely he listened to some lawyer when he came up with those outrageous reasons for leaving the marriage. Are you okay? It will be okay. The Lord is upholding you. He must be! Anyone else walking in your shoes could have easily had a nervous breakdown by now! & look at you! You're still standing--and posting! You're doing really well. Hang in there. You are going to make it. I just know it.

Hurtwife,<P>I know this hurts you. Once again he does something that is mean spirited and hurtful. As hard as it is, just move on. Take care of yourself and forget this man.<P>Do you know if he spoke to an attorney about the divorce papers? Or did he do this on his own. From what you have said he is strapped financially. Is he trying to do a budget divorce? The reason I ask is that what he wrote does not sound necessary or like anything an attorney would write. Just brace yourself because if sounds like he is going to continue to be a real a$$ about all of this. He’s venting via the court system. Something that will only look bad for him. You see, there is nothing to back up his allegations so the court will take it as his words against yours. <P>Your attorney will tell you how to respond to his allegations. Depending on the way the courts in your state will handle such things in a divorce, you may not need to respond to this. NM is a no fault divorce state. The judges do not want to hear bickering. They would tell him to stop this type of slamming. I don’t know how the judge in MD will handle this but my bet is very similarly because he cannot prove what he is saying here.<P>You hang in there. <P>Z<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

I know this is hard. Divorce is never pretty. First off don't take it so hard. You might be surprised to hear what I've seen in divorce papers of friends - it's usually exagerated BS, and legal jargon, put it aside and don't take it so personal.<P>Here is one link to online divorce laws, there are many many more for your assistance do a quick web search, <A HREF="http://www.divorcesupport.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.divorcesupport.com/</A> , and do see an attorney asap.<P>Next, I agree, it is well past time to get angry and move on! Grieve like he is dead if you must, but it is time honey. You don't want this type of guy for a H anyways, and if he wants a divorce, I say consider it your cue to move on! And to have OW's child in your life?? Forget it, time for the divorce board and hopefully some day a great and wondeful new relationship with a guy that really wants to be married to someone who can care so much, instead of wanting to act like redneck white trash. You deserve it!<P>

Dear Hurtwife,<BR> It is so intensely painful to have someone we've loved and cared for turn on us like a rabid animal. When I experience this I bring up a picture in my mind of when I finally reach my home. Jesus will be waiting for me with open arms to give me all the love I've been deprived of in this exile, this veil of tears. I will be faithful and not lose my love because He is faithful and has loved me to His death. <BR>LMH<P>------------------<BR>Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer. Romans 12:12