Hi Dave, just seeing if you had anything to share on your front. Contact?<P>seeya bud,<BR>zen

Hi zen, thanks for your concern. Only e-mail contact, but I expect her to file on the 20th or soon after. My Plan B really, really pissed her off and she's headed lickedtysplit towards divorce, spewing accusations of me "controlling" her and being mean and harassinng her and making threats:<P>I'm "controlling" because I don't want a divorce;<BR>I'm "mean" because I don't agree with everything she wants;<BR>I'm "harassing" her because I tell her how much she owes me, but I never provide a bill;<BR>I have "threatened" her when I said I would do things I "would not normally do if (she) won't come home." (I have no idea what this means.)<P>This woman has been abducted by different aliens who don't know she was already abducted AND she's infected with alien moose brain worms.<P>Dave (WAT)

Yup, those sound like the ravings of a true multiple abductee. I do think it's interesting that your Plan B *angered* her... This indicates to me a definite lack of resolvement on the inside. But we already knew that, didn't we?<P>Well how is the Plan B going as it relates to YOU? Are you taking good care of yourself? Ceremoniously wiping your hands on "for show" towels and what not? I'm still grinning over that...<P>zen

I think I am finally starting to let go. I've been feeling it for a few days, but didn't want to post about it just yet until it sinks in a little more. I guess I should be thankful she's making so little sense. The frustrating part is that I, her family, Steve, and I guess most of you all expect her to wake up someday, but it'll probably be too late for me and our son. The damage will have been done.<P>I expect the divorce filing to cite "irreconciliable differences." I'll ask my attorney if there's another, more accurate phrase that captures, just for the record, that she refused to even attempt to reconcile, thus we don't really know if it was "irreconciliable" or not.<P>I have other things swimming around in my brain that I will post about when the time comes.<P>Dave

WAT,<P>I know what you mean about "irreconciliable differences". I feel the same way. There has been no attempt by my W to reconcile. Let us know what "grounds" she comes up when/if she files.<P>I know how hard it is to let go, but I believe when the time is right, we'll know and it will just happen. Take care of yourself and your son.<P>sad dad

Dave- my H used the irreconcilable differences ground when he filed on me in mid-April. In Ohio it has to be a MUTUAL agreement on that ground so if he hadn't cancelled the divorce papers a few days after filing I would have definitely protested that we are not irreconcilable. After all 15 yrs of marriage, 3 kids and 5 job moves? We would have killed each other by now if we were truly incompatible. My H finally woke up when I told him that his leaving me for OW and divorcing me against my will was NO role model for our 3 kids and so I'd be contesting the divorce , going for main custody,then my attorney said I can move away to be near relatives( since I only moved to OH a year ago for H's latest transfer) and I'd start my whole life OVER! That seemed to be too high a price for him to pay for his mid life second adolescence. How long have you and your wife been separated?Is she living with OM? lifeismessy

life - thanks for your response to zen's thread. I apologize for becoming a taker on the forum lately and for not being able to keep up with you.<P>I'm in Maryland and I don't know if I have the same option you did, but I have a list of similar questions for my attorney if he ever gets off his butt and calls me back. Keep in mind I'm the Dad so custody for a male - even in a bleeding heart liberal state like Maryland - is tough. My wife proposed joint custody for the separation and that's what we've been doing, sorta.<P>We've been separated for a year on the 20th, married 17, one son, 13, one deceased son who died 10 months before the affair started. My wife admited (only recently) to the affair on a technical basis in that she did travel out of town with OM in July 2000 and they stayed in the same hotel room. Other than that, she denies an "affair" on Clintonian grounds because intercourse did not occur until after the separation document was signed (this is my speculation based on bits and pieces of her numerous excuses), even though she told me she was in love with OM in July 2000 as well. She lives within walking distance of OM whose family still lives a few doors down from me. OM was a pallbearer.<P>WAT

WAT,<P>Wow, that is alot for you and your son to have to go through in a year. It seems as if these things always pile up one on top of another. My brother is barely hanging onto his life right now. He is only 37, and had a stroke (has always had blood pressure problems and heart problems), and now he's paralyzed. Can think cognitively, but can't speak. It's as if his "intelligence" part of his brain is working just fine, but the rest of it won't. Well, yesterday his heart stopped twice. He's back in the hospital (was in a nursing home).<P>You know, it really hurts to know that the person you expected to be there for you during something like this has abandoned you during your weakest moment. I was always there for my husband through all of his family's health issues, and I always thought he'd be there for me - but, alas, he's not. I'm on my own. And, I feel very guilty because I have been so depressed and unable to be very much support for my family during this. I'm on anti-depressants now, so hopefully they will kick in soon and I'll be more of a help.<P>I really hurt for your loss, both of your son and your wife. But, have faith that God is working and whatever happens is going to be for your happiness in the end. I don't know if you're religious or not, but if you are, one of our visiting pastors basically said, if you ask God for something, and you really want what you are asking for, you have to believe that no matter what happens God is going to answer your prayers. So I have to believe, without a doubt that my husband will come back. I may not necessarily want him when he does, but he WILL come back. Hopefully, it won't be too late. Now, if I can just keep my hands out of God's work, I will be fine.<P>God bless you!<BR>TIG

Thanks TIG - I am very close to handing it all over to the Big Guy. I have to admit I don't have your confidence, because I did the same thing for my son. Regardless, I can already see my happiness coming back.<P>WAT

WAT,<P>I can understand why your faith would be weak at a time like this, but maybe that's your trial. You gave it over to God, and you feel he let you down, so now he wants to see if you can still have faith in him. <P>We can never know what God's plans are with our loved ones once they pass on, but we have to accept that there is a higher purpose for them in heaven. You will see your son again, you just have to hold on to faith and trust in your God. I know it's hard to lose someone you love, and people say, "he's going to a better place," and while that may be true, it doesn't take away your hurt. But once you forgive God for taking your son, and accept that there is a higher purpose, you will be able to trust Him once again.<P>I hope I'm not out of line with my thoughts on this. I have never lost a child, and can only shudder at the thought, but for those of us on the outside of something so horrible, we are only trying to soothe the hurt. So please take it the way it is meant.<P>Love ya!<BR>TIG

Bumping up for WAT to read.

Up once again...just wanted to make sure you saw my last reply.<P>TIG

Sorry, TIG, I wasn't ignoring you <P>No, you're not out of line. I had the misfortune of knowing a lot of kids and families with kids facing life-threatening illnesses. The kids sustain us. Each parent is unique in the way they handle their loss. I saw spiritual people completely lose faith and vice versa. There is no one-size-fits-all. Frankly, I'm still sorting out my faith. I do not ascribe to any organized religion because I do not believe any group or individual knows all the answers. I am in my "church" 24/7. I live by the Golden Rule which includes, for me, honesty and NO HYPOCRISY - although I know I'm not perfect.<P>Thanks for your support,<BR>Dave (WAT)

WAT,<P>I know what you mean by there not being one church that has all the answers. That's why I like my church. They only preach the Bible (King James), word for word, no revising. The preacher preaches it, and it's amazing how clear it becomes to you.<P>However, our belief is that there is no church that has all the answers, but in the end there will be one perfect church. Eventually, it will be comprised of people from all sorts of religions, all coming together in one belief.<P>Hold onto your faith, no matter what your religion, that your wife will come home. Believe me, I know it's hard now. You've been going through this alot longer than I, I think. We've been separated for 4 1/2 months, and D-Day for me was about 5 months ago. It all happened so fast. I still struggle to let go and let God, but I have received my answer that he will be coming back, so I need to learn to let go. Nothing I can say or do, and nothing my H can say or do, will change what God has planned, whether we like it or not.<P>Good luck!<BR>TIG

Just wanted to jump on board to see what was up with WAT also. Dave, somehow I seem to sense some peace, or the beginning of peace.... within you. And like TiG, I haven't really walked in your shoes and can understand how you would wonder about the meaning of faith.<P>TiG.. I've had many losses in my life, but this particular situation has been the hardest... and most blinding. I chose to view it as my trial, and very slowly (in baby steps) the scales have been falling from my eyes. I am so thankful for that.<P>I hit so many brick walls that I gave up, and finally began to accept words"I am powerless". That was the first baby step for me. O<P>Dave, hope you are well.