Well,hello there.I am the new kid on the block.<P>I have a small story to share.In late may my wife left me and our 2 kids.for 2 weeks we did not know where she was or anything.I found from a friend of my moms where she was working and my pastors sister in law where she was living..all in the same day.<P>I contacted her at work,we talked and she confirmed that she is indeed having an affair.Fast foward to now.She is still not living at home but we seem to really be working on things.She pointed out to me what I was doing wrong and I feel horrible for doing them.<P>I have been a full time daddy for the past 3 years and focused all my attention on being a daddy,I neglected to be a hubby.She also said that she felt like I was more interested in my hobbies than her.Now at the time she told me this,it made me very angry..truth hurts.After alot of prayer together with her and by my self I am a totally different person.Now I cannot imagine living life without her and I certainly cannot imagine life with another woman.<P>I usually see her at least once a week and talk to her a few times a week and I send her love notes at work.<P>Recently we have not had an aruguement and she says she can really see that I have changed.A few weeks ago we began kissing again,nothing real passionate but better than nothing.We hold hands when we talk or I have my arm around her.We always hug several times,she tells me she loves me and of course I tell her too.<P>I am constantly telling her I am so sorry for what I did and for how I acted.She said she really wants to come home and be a wife to me and a mother to the kids again but she is scared that the changes will not last.<P>I have counseling set up for us and I am just waiting for her.<P>I feel really good about things but I just want to know if we are on the right track,what can I do to make her want to come home more?How can I prove to her that I am changed for good?

Yes! You are definitely on the right track. Learn all you can on the MB web-site about emotional needs, love busters, and Plan A. Plan A is what you need to be in. Welcome! Glad you found us and posted your question, although we are certainly sad that you are in your situation. My H left at the end of May as well, for 2 weeks, and wouldn't tell me where (although we talked on the phone and met for lunch). Then he finally confessed (after I found some proof) that he was with another woman and had an affair. We are separated now, but I am in Plan A and very hopeful that we will work things out.<P>3 places to research: 1. Read the concepts and Q&A's on the MB web-site, and 2. go to the Just Found Out Forum and read the welcome post and the Plan A - 101 post, and 3. read some of the stories on this Forum. many of us are going through similar situations, and this is the place for encouragement, advice (but we're not counselors! ), and support.<P>If you will learn about Plan A, and keep doing it, your W will notice your changes, and you will feel comfortable with them as well. When the time comes to tell her about this place, invite her here.<P>Read and post. <P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

It will take time for your W to see that your changes are permanent. And only you can make sure that they are.<P>I think it's a perfectly normal fear to start over again (which is really what you'll be doing when she moves back in). But she cannot live with that excuse forever. The only way to know is if she tries it out.<P>What my H and I did, was keep his apt for another 1 1/2 months while he lived here. There was always that 'out' for him if things went sour. And even though things went great, and still are (almost 3 months into recovery), there was still that awful doubting feeling about whether or not it was the right thing to do. We BOTH felt that way. But we did it anyways, and those doubts diminished all the faster at that point too.<P>Be sure to do lots of reading up on this site (if you haven't already). Learn as much as you can about plan A (which by the sounds of it you've been doing anyways), plan B, Love Busters, the love bank, and Emotional Needs.<P>Now, in my opinion, from things I've heard from my WH and other WS's here, one of the best ways you can encourage her to come home sooner is to NOT PUSH IT! (I know, it sounds counter-productive, but it's not in this case). Throwing in the odd comment of how much you'd love her to be there all the time (to spend time with you, to see the kids, etc) would work much more than constantly asking her if she's ready to come home for good.<P>That's it for now. I'm sure you'll get many more responses on this one. Be sure to keep on posting whenever you want or need to. <P>Karen<BR>

Thanks guys.There is nothing I want more than for her to come home so we can be a family again.I admit,I have been asking her every time I talk to her...You ready to come home?But I always tell her how good it was to spend time with her.

owen she is putting the blame on you. its not your fault. there is no excuse for what she did. If you want a marriage you must take a tougher approach. she has to show remorse or you will have nothing but a wayward wife and a cukold life. she is playing you like a fiddle think about it

Just wanted to share.<P>My wife and I had a wonderful visit yesterday.I asked her if she could start visiting more often,I said I think it would be good for the kids and good for her and I.<P>I have been trying very hard to not let my emotions get the best of me when she is here.I do not think my getting angry is good for anybody.<P>Joell,I have though about getting tough,but at the same time I know my wife,I know that she has always been slow at making decesions and I fear that if i pushed her too hard she would make the wrong decision.I am not only looking out for me and the kids,I am also looking out for her.I care about her well being very much and I do not want to see her get hurt.<P>If that is wrong of me,I am sorry but it is the way I feel.