Hi to everyone, I read all replies I recieved and I am so touched by the caring on the site, this helps me to get through my day.All who replied you had asked me some? and I will try to answer them, Yes I am on a anti-depressant Zoloft 100mg.I started in back in July 2000. It has worked very well. When I frist posted I forgot to mention that with everything going on in my marriage my mother in law was dx with brain cancer back in March of this year her pronosis is very bad 1 year they say, so I can't even tell her what is going on I feel that it wouldn't be fair I don't want to upset her she has enough to deal with, the reason I bring this up is because when she got sick and we found out everything he was still seeing OW even when he found out his mother is dying!! Well I started PlanA today but ya know I feel like he is in control and I am just there to please him so he doesn't go to OW. I will continue plan A even if it doesn't feel right yet, I know I am doing the right thing so many of you say the same thing so there has to be good in it. Today was quiet he went to work at 11:30 his shift ends at midnight,he's acop so he may stay overtime so I worry if he is going to see her, he says he is not and hasn't talked to her since I found out but thats what he says, I want to believe him but it is so hard. well thanks for listening, I will write again soon to keep you all posted Thanks, Love Sally

Why does it feel like he's in control? Because he is. You cannot control his decision to stay or go or be with the OW. What you CAN do , it do a great plan A, which will improve you, and create a fabulous environment that no husband would want to live without. THAT, is what is in YOUR control. It's a powerful tool too... use is wisely (by following the rules of care and not LBing).<P>Karen<BR>

just wanted to ditto Topie. I read where someone had talked to Steve Harley, and he said that if you FEEL like you are a doormat, you're probably doing the right things - especially if you feel that way at first. I feel like I am actually in control because I am in control of my behavior and my reactions toward my WS H. To me, it's about putting his needs first for a little while. 2 of his complaints about me are that I didn't give him priority in his life and I wasn't meeting his needs. SO now's my chance to show him he is a priority and I can meet his needs. It's HIS choice - as TOpie said - if he wants to believe me or not.<P>