Hello everyone. I had a great evening. WH came over to visit.<P>REFRESHER: WH moved out on Monday to “find himself and to get away from OW(our neighbor)”. Staying in plan A. I called WH Tuesday night, to tell him that I stopped at the store to pick up some items for him. And I cried a little. I said I would drop the items off at his truck in the morning. He said “No, I’ll come over tomorrow night(which was last night).<P>I met his EN’s and he responded to them as if everything was normal . I asked how things were going. He said “It’s boring. I can’t see this lasting much longer.” The response I wanted to hear except one thing. What do I do now? How can I approach him with the Radical Honesty Policy, the NO-Contact letter and the Joint Agreement Policy without scaring him away? I think he is already following though on the Radical Honesty Policy without realizing it, but the NO-Contact deal has been a major LB for me in the past. <P>I think our weakest point will be the joint agreement , because he likes to go out fishing over night w/ friends and I don’t care for it, but I tell him to go anyway or we end up fighting. Help!!! <P>I gave him the letter from TRUEHEART to WSs everywhere. I said to him “I hope you don’t get offended by this letter” He replied “I won’t”. We didn’t talk about the A at all except when I told him that is what the letter is about. NO LB’s all night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<BR>

I think the next step is more of what you're currently doing. You can't be in a hurry - if you detect a positive trend in him, let him set the pace. Nudge a little only if you detect a stall. If he starts with the big waffles, then you need to back off.<P>But, it sounds like you're doing all you can at the moment. Keep those LBs away, fill those ENs and validate his feelings.<P>Have you considered a session with Steve or Jennifer? Forgive me if you've alreadt done this. I haven't been able to keep up with everyone lately.<P>WAT

I only intended to approach him with these things when he decides he wants to move back in. Or shouldn't I?<P>I havn't had couseling with Steve or Jennifer. Who's Jennifer? lack of $$$. Plus we've already talked about couseling and H said everyone he knows who have tried counseling ended up divorced. So we won't push the issue. <P>Thanks for responding WAT. <P>[This message has been edited by M&J (edited August 16, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by M&J (edited August 16, 2001).]

NUDGE NUDGE

I hope you get other opinions, but there's a good rationale for requiring him to send a no contact letter as a condition of coming home - but this is more along the lines of Plan B, i.e., setting conditions. That said, it's seems to be pretty common that contact continues or resumes.<P>I think the bottom line is that you really need to feel your way as to how receptive he is to be educated and even then, take it slow.<P>WSs, can you help?<P>Jennifer is the other MB counselor.<P>WAT

Relax! It sounds like your doing great. Don't push too much just keep up with the Plan A. I think eventually he'll get to the point where he asks to come home and wants to come home. That is the time where the two of you can discuss the affair and what he's willing to do to ensure that it doesn't happen again. If he's sincere he'll write a no contact letter. As far as the fishing.....that's where the two of you can meet in the middle. I think men need their time to "bond" with their buddies so maybe the two of you could reach an agreement of how often he needs to be doing this. But, that's down the road.....right now keep up what your doing....sounds like your doing a great job.

It sounds like he's discovering what it would be like to be divorced and living on his own (he's plan b'ing himself).<BR>Which is good since it sounds like he doesn't like it.<P>I'd be real careful about not pushing. He's coming to realize it on his own. Thats better than being pushed into it.<P>

It is so frustrating to have the feeling that you need to do more than you already are, but in reality, everything is going just great without any 'extras'.<P>Most definitely stay away from the no contact issue right now. That's something that can be talked about when he decides to come home to work on your marriage. Let him be the one to bring up the conversation on coming home. You can still comment on how much you miss his presence, and tell him you love him. But don't expect any responses. Just leave it be at that.<P>You're doing a great job! Keep up the good work! <P>Karen<BR>

Listen to the others they have good advice. The no contact letter is key for him to come back, although I would probably accept my W back under any circumstances. I never had a chance to Plan A when she was here. I need that togetherness I think. Anyway, keep up the good work and be patient with him.<P>GC

Thanks for posting everyone...