I spoke to BIL June 30th about W and I's money situation. Not the best but could be worse. BIL spoke with IL's about same and that in turn brought the IL's to talk to the daughter. <P>I should have seen this coming but I didn't. At the time I spoke to BIL about it W had told me "i don't want to see or talk to you anymore." Then W was gone for 3 days and no one knew where she was. Don't just love it when the Fog rolls in <P>W told me she was mad with when I asked her. She said "you have to do, what you have to do." And "It's OK." She is talking to me about getting a plan to handle the money situation. So I take this as not being all that negative?<P>Could this LB be a blessing in disguise by making the WS return to reality from the world of the fantasy the A creates?<P>Has anyone had an experience with a LB that end up for the best of the W?

just a bump to the top.<P>input????.......thanks

I'd say "OH YES!!!". <P>The most prominent example I can think of is confronting about the A. As you said, it's one of those things that throws the OP and WS into reality.<P>I know one of the main rules to follow here is to not LB. But IMO, there are times when it cannot be avoided. Even when said in the most caring, non judgemental way, things can still be LB's. I also know, that in my situation, there are MANY LB's that I do not regret at all (but along with those are many that I do regret... ).<P>One of the best turnaround LB's happened after the last time I contacted OW#1 in an email (I had just found out that she and H were still in contact). I wrote a calm and to the point email asking her to be the bigger person and to stop contacting my H so that we could work on our marriage. Of course that was an LB to H. However, she turned around and wrote me back one really nasty reply, telling me to 'get a ****ing life!!!'. H saw it (I made sure of that), and it helped him to see her true colours.<P>Karen<BR>

positive,<P>I also believe LB's can sometimes be positive. It's often very difficult to be honest without LB'ing, no matter how tactful you are. I'll give you an example. A few weeks ago my W asked me why I thought things would change beteween us. I told her they won't as long as she's still in contact with OM. She said she wasn't, and I told her I believe she is. I LB'd, but the fact is I know she is still in contact with him and now she knows that I know. During the same discussion I told my W that if she wants a D, to do what she needed to do, but that I planned to fight her on custody of our daughter. This may have been an LB, but it did give her a dose of reality. She never expected me to contest custody. She said she won't put our daughter through a custody battle, so we'll just continue on as is.<BR>The possibility that she might lose her daughter (as remote as that may be) shook her up a little and a small glimpse of reality squeezed in.<P>LB's are impossible to avoid completely, but a well timed LB can work in your favor by allowing a little reality to creep in. Just my opinion.<P>sad dad

not that i actually did this BUT<BR>H said to me i should have kicked his a$$ when i found out. he says this would have given him the reality check he needed to roll out of the fog alot sooner than all my Plan Aing<P>hmm is it too late for a can of Whoop A$$?