I'm so tired. I know I have to keep doing this, but I'm tired. I haven't seen or spoken to H Since Monday night. That went ok - not good or bad. I haven't LB'd since July 12. So I consider that my solid Plan A. I started Plan A at the beginning of July. So I KNOW I have to keep going. You know, we're separated, and we hardly every talk or see each other. We had just finished working on a project on Monday - we worked very well together and I deposited some love bank units during the last 2 weeks. But now, I'm just wondering if I can do this anymore!!! <P>I had asked him if we could go out one night this week, and he said sure and would let me know when. I haven't bugged him about it. I just talked to him, and tonight he is busy with co-workers, and may go out of town on business this weekend. He apologized for not letting me know sooner. I said, "I can't help but feel like you are avoiding me." he said "no, I'm not. not at all. Just very busy and tired with work." I don't know if OW is still in the picture or not. I haven't asked. I can't tell.<P>I know I'm not supposed to be expecting anything, but I'm tired,and beginning to lose my name... Faith. Somebody give me some energy and refreshments so I can keep going....

You are doing so well Faith! It is so hard to keep trying and trying and feel like we are getting nowhere. I'm so sorry you're tired today. I try and pray to God to give me peace, right where I am. Sometimes it works. I'll pray that God gives you peace, right now, right where you are today.

Faith, <BR>You are the strongest one of the bunch I've always felt like. Your H may in fact be in the A still if he is avoiding you and not talking to you. My W does the same things. It's guilt and they can't shake it, so they just clam up. He will come around, be patient.<P>Keep up your Plan A, we are on the same path as far as that goes. Timelines are similiar and you have given me the encouragament when I have needed it most. Please do not give up, you can't because we aren't. Don't let us or him down by giving up. Remember Plan A is about you, so demonstrate a change in you. They want to see an upbeat, non-depressed BS, not a sad, moping one. Please try and keep it together, you can do it. Take a step back, breathe and realize that there is still hope. <P>Don't make hasty decisions that could be LB's later. Believe me, they aren't fun, I've been through them already. It's their weaknesses not ours. Keep the Faith as you would say. Faith, Hope and Love are the only things that last and Love is the most important.

Faith1,<P>my 2 cents: sounds to me like your H is sincere by what he has told you.<P>take care of yourself and the rest will follow. i believe it sounds like your H is starting to come out of the Fog, and is respecting your feelings. just continue to be the great person that you are, and the rest will work out. <P>someone posted this and it works for me:<P>"Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it comes softly and sits on you shoulder."<P>take care!

Thank you all for your quick replies. I needed them. I'm still down, but your encouragement is helping me TREMENDOUSLY. <P>Thank you gdc, for telling me I seem strong. I try. My head knows the right things to do, but my heart doesn't always follow - and that's where I am right now. <P>I've got to stay on track. I was doing better when I reminded myself to stay out of the way and let God work on this. I just mess it up if I try to get in the way. It's so hard to be patient. I'm feeling so many temptations right now to give up, think about a future without him, thinking about other men, thinking what would someone be like that would really treat me right and love me, etc. <P>I know this needs more time. We're 3 months into this mess, but only 1 and 1/2 good months of Plan A. I do feel like he's coming out of the fog a tad, but then I get let down the next day.<P>Thank you all again for you encouraging words.<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 16, 2001).]

Faith1,<P>You've been a great source of encouragement and support for me so I'll put it bluntly, if you give up, I will too! How's that for pressure. Do you want the demise of my marriage on your conscience? I didn't think so. <P>Seriously though, I know being away from your H is rough, but try to use this time to get away from the whole situation. Maybe take a break from this site and do something you used to do before you were married. Keep your mind and body busy on something else for a while. You may just need a "pit stop" before you get back in the race. Boy, what a corny analogy, but I hope you get my point.<P>sad dad <P>

he-he... <P>Thanks sad dad. I sure wouldn't want to be the one to blame for you giving up. <P>And are you trying to send me away from here? After you asked me about that the other night, I have really stayed away from here quite a bit more than usual. You made me think - I need a life! But that could be why I'm down... because I have been away from the support and other stories here.<P>THanks for the pep-talk! I'm smiling now!

Hi Faith ...<P>You are doing so good. Dayam! "no LB's since July 12th". I couldn't go for a month without a small one here or there. You are my hero!!! And Gdc is right, you are such a stronge woman, and I admire you for that. <P>You're very giving too. You always post to me on my threads. And offer sound caring advice. I think you're wonderful for that, Faith. Thank you for helping me so much.<P>I want to know, what else are you doing besides not LBing and Plan Aing your H? How are you working on you? How are you becoming the best FAITH you can be?<P>I ask because I want to do that for me too. And I know that's what we're suppose to do for ourselves. Make us the best we can be, make ourselves happy. That's our job. So, I'm asking you for tips. <P>As far as your H avoiding you, I think he's sincere regarding having to work and being tired. <P>But ... in the meantime there are lots of things you can do to fill your time so you won't be lonely. Here: (lol)<P>1. Shampoo all rugs<BR>2. Change the oil in car and rotate tires<BR>3. Mow the law and pull weeds<BR>4. Clean the top of the fridge (grimey up there)<BR>5. Clean the gutters<BR>6. Chimney sweep<BR>7. Re-grout the bathrooms<BR>8. Paint the house<BR>9. Pressure wash the driveway<BR>20.Paint the garage floor<BR>21.Re-weatherstrip all windows and doors<P>So that fills this Saturday .. I'll post Sunday's TO DO List in a bit (J/K) ... lolololol<P>Love you,<BR>Jo<P><p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 16, 2001).]

FAITH!!!! <P>Come on, girl! Relax a bit... remember that Plan A works! It works when they don't call you... It works when they do call you! IT works because YOU are doing the right thing...<P>You really are an inspiration around here. I know that every time I've posted, I've always been comforted by your replies. I want you to know how much I appreciate that.<P>This thing is cyclical... down times are part of the drill. But it ain't quittin' time yet! I've read your updates and you're absolutely amazing in your Plan A efforts. Let him do what he wants to do... He's not going to just disappear...<P>We love ya Faith! Hang in there!<P>zen

Thank you!!!! You guys are WONDERFUL!!! I do feel much better now. Guess the pity-party is over! Sheesh - you wouldn't let me stay there long, would ya'?<P>THanks, Jo, for reminding me about working on myself. I read a lot, pray a LOT, I'm exercising and losing weight, get manicures and pedicures , and learning how to love and accept other people. And thanks for the list of things to do. I'll have those knocked out TONITE! Find me some more!<P>zen, thanks for the faces . You know how to cheer me up!

Faith1,<P>I'm not trying to send you away. You're one of the many who help me keep my head on straight. But it does help to get away from the situation every now and then. I play softball 2 nights a week, and for a few hours I don't think about my W. <P>It's tough for you to be away from your husband and wonder what he's doing, but it's no easier living with my W and putting up the pleasant, friendly facade all the time when inside she's tearing me apart. It sucks either way.<P>sad dad<P>

Dern! That's a lot of stuff, Faith. I dunno if I can keep up.<P>Those manicures and pedicures are no problem, so check that done for me. For exercise, I do Taebo at work, altho we've been so busy here lately, I haven't had time. I really like the "Learning to Love and Accept people" thing, Faith. That's a keeper! I'll put that on MY list. <P>How about you and I try doing something we "fear"??? Not something real scary or that could harm us physically, just something we have always avoided because it made us uncomfortable. Think about it and so will I. And we'll hook up after we've tried it to share our feelings, K?<P>Love,<BR>Jo<P>

sad dad,<BR>I know you weren't sending me away - not that I would go anyway . tee-hee... I was teasing. You are definitely right though about getting busy and trying to get my mind on something else. I think about him always, though, no matter what I'm doing, but it'll get better I know - the more I do it. You hang in there, too, ok? I'm not quitting, so you can't either! You just come here and vent anytime - you can let down your friendly facade and we won't mind, ok?<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 16, 2001).]

Oh, Faith, I know this feeling well...having been at this for a long time....Plan A for over a year. But you know it's not really Plan A that's at fault here but really just our impatience with progress and our interpretation of reactions. I know I am very guilty of this...doing it to myself...seeing my WH's reactions in the worse light possible...maybe it's just a defensive mechanism to protect us...but it also tends to color our responses and keeps us from projecting the postitive attitude that is so important to Plan A....in other words, we are being our own worse enemy. <P>My problems is seeing WH everyday (work together) and responding to the everyday changes in his behavior...and over analysising their relevance to me....what to me may seems like he's ignoring me he explains is just that he's trying to concentration on work because it's difficult and he has to force himself to concentrate to get through it.<BR>The times when he is too busy to do something I attribute to his wanting to be with OW more then me...but his words tell me that is not true...I don't know why I want to believe the worse. Believing what he says is much easier...but I have this need for him to exert special effort to see that my feelings are not hurt by his actions...special effort to make up for what he has put me through...I guess it represents to me that he is trying hard to do so. But I have to admit that he has changed and maybe he's not making the effort I would like but he's trying...and that's all I can expect right now....even through I want more.<P>I think if you keep up a good Plan A in the face of disappointment that it will have rewards in the end...and you have to focus on those...and learn to live with the ups and downs of everyday. If you don't it will drive you crazy trying to second quess what's going on. Forus on the big picture.<P>Faye

Faith1,<BR>You have given me so much encouragement through what you have posted generally, and in some of your replies to myself. I can relate to your circumstances, as they very much mirror mine (W has moved to her own appart. and we rarely meet) but as you have been told over and over again, do not give up. It is so easy, to think like that, however we have to remember the good times, and focus on the positives we are achieving (changes to ourselves) and the changes (be them inconsistent) in our WS, due to the fog.<P>I think you need to find a few more things to do yourself over the next few days, and then at the beginning of next week contact your H and try and arrange to meet up during next week. As Lupolady said on my thread in the week (How do other BS feel they are treated by the WS?) we need to let them have their space, BUT keep reminding them we are still here. (thanks for your input into that as well)<P>I know you haven't talked about this project you and your H were doing together, however it seems a very good way for you to meet up, and as you say deposit love bank units, - is there anything else you could replace it with, and therefore continue the good work?<P>I know it's hard but keep your chin up, and smile. Take care<P>mands

mands, yes, I have thought the same thing about projects and stuff. THis one happened to have had a deadline, so he had to make time for it. It's actually a good sign (Plan A) that he helped me with it. It was doing our taxes - somewhat involved. Every year, I do them myself - hours and hours. I filed an extension this year, then as Aug. 15 was approaching, (about Jul 15) I used my good POJA skills and said, "In light of your recent decisions about not needing me, and not appreciating my contributions to the marriage over the past 7 years (slight LB, but not really), I would like your ideas on a fair way to get the taxes done this year. I don't think it's fair for me to do them, and I <I>could</I> be ugly and run away from the responsibility and leave it up to you." So he agreed - quite willingly - to help. And he did. There are other things around the house that need to be done, and he has agreed to do them - as soon as he "finds time".<P>Thanks <B>everyone</B> again for picking me up!! I'm so glad I asked you for help. I talked to H again just now, and he is having a crisis at work, and I could be so sweet and supportive, sympathetic and encouraging... all becuase of YOUR help!!! Major love bank deposits! If I had still been down, I wouldn't have been able to make those deposits.

Faith,<P>You have encouraged me every step of the way so I feel I should return the favor. You are doing great. You are a very special person to take time out of your life to help us newbies on here. I sincerely appreciate everything you've told me and I'm about to use it against you. <P>"ok? relax, sweetie. You did ok. Just hang in there. You're doing a fine Plan A. Just give it some time."<P>"I know you are tired and frustrated. You have a right to be!"<P>These are just a couple of the things you have told me lately. They have been encouragement for me and I hope they will give you some encouragement also. Things are finally getting better around my house and I feel without your help I would have been LB'ing all over the place. You are doing great--keep up the good work.<P>Love,<BR>Anna

LOL thank you Anna! That's great!!!<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 16, 2001).]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Faith}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><<<<<<<<<<<<Faith>>>>>>>>>>>>>><P>(((((((((((Faith)))))))))))))<P>That's THREE [[BIG]] hugs from your "twin" sister here!!<BR>Sorry I wasn't available earlier today when you were in crisis, but it sounds like everyone took good care of you. You KNOW you and I are in this together, and for the "long haul" - so don't you DARE go and quit on me!!!! YOU are the "big sister" cause you definitely have more faith than I do, and I look up to you. I NEED you to stay strong, here, OK? We can do this. We can.<P>REMEMBER, WE'RE JUST 5 MINUTES FROM THE MIRACLE...... that's when the biggest depression hits. <P>Hang in there, just 5 more minutes. Just 5.<P>I have become the "queen of the bubble baths" It just *feels so good* to pump up the hot water, dump in the suds, light the candles, and lie back and relax, and let my mind just empty out!! I haven't done that for awhile now, so I think I need one! Why don't you go try it? It has "put me to sleep" more times this summer than I can count.<P>When they say "do something for yourself,"I definitely DON"T think of *cleaning out the gutters* !! Sorry, guys! That's been done this summer, tho!<P>I'll stick to bubble baths, thank you. BTW, I'm down about 20 pounds now. How about you?!? <P>Hang in. Pray (some more).<BR>Love,<BR>Lupo

Thanks, Lupo! You're great!<P>I think I will try a bubble bath - it's been awhile. I just got back from a good 30 minute walk. I've lost 30 pounds. GOnna lose 20 more. yippee!!! woo-hoo!<P>Thanks for the kick in the behind everyone! No giving up here!