We live in such a disposal sociey..people fall in love and promise forever..forever appears to be just a synonym to mean "as long as you please me."<BR>When will we be able to believe what someone says as the truth or should we all become mini lawyers and carry around our "briefs" and to get "all the conditions covered" as to what foever really means. We have been taught at the highest levels that your own rightousness and needs should come before others..<P>As people desiring to be something other than just beings when do be start becoming more humane and committed<BR><P>------------------<BR>You gotta believe!

Hi OO<P>We live in a very selfish society. One that encourages Me-ism. Adults are teaching it to their own children by their conduct. Don't think the little ones are not taking mental notes. Didn't we? <P>Throw it away, get a new one. Where are the values in life? You are correct about this being a disposal society. We can not control the world but we can choose to be a part of it's attitude and promote it by being selfish or really showing what love of neighbor really means. Not coveting but true love. Where care and sharing is done for the good of all not for the selfish desires of some. <P>'Own righteouness', interesting phrase. That does not translate to necessarily good. What is 'good' to one person may not be good to another. Set aside the 'relative' term, true love for God and neighbor would eliminate at least 90% of all the trouble in the world. It is hard to promote a selfish lifestyle among those who are not selfish. <P>You raised an interesting topic. <BR>What made you post this thread?<P>JMHO.<BR>L.<p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited August 16, 2001).]

Sadly, a lot of "counselors" play into this.<BR>I am not ashamed to admit that one of many reasons that I am working so hard on restoration is that I DON'T want to make a major contribution to any attorney!<BR>Also, I have lived out some bad social dynamics because I truly did not know better.<BR>Thanks to Harley and very few others who are knowledgeable about putting things on track.<BR>r

When the highest committment is to our own personal "happiness" there is no committment to anyone or anything that might temporarily impede it. Spouses and children will always come second if that if the top priority. I don't think many people realize that happiness is a RESULT of living right and instead look for happiness in fleeting, superficial, frivolous things. [like I look for "happiness" in shopping sometimes and finding just the "right item!" fleeting and superficial!]

Dana114, I totally agree with your post. When I was a younger woman, happiness was my ultimate goal.....in search of everlasting joy. Now that I'm more mature, physically and emotionally, I'd settle for contentment.<P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

o..We live in such a disposal sociey..people fall in love and promise forever..forever appears to be just a synonym to mean "as long as you please me."<P>snl...How can anyone predict future feelings? I would suggest the problem is not the one promising the "forever", but the one who believes it. Buying into impossibilities as a gaurantee is a recipe for disaster. It places either unrealistic expectations on your partner, subjecting them to an ever present judgement (do you love me....you promised), or gives you a false sense of security and thereby blunts your own willingness to self-imporove (why should you, your spouse has to love you anyways).<P>o..When will we be able to believe what someone says as the truth or should we all become mini lawyers and carry around our "briefs" and to get "all the conditions covered" as to what foever really means. <P>snl...There is another path. Instead of making demands, be the best you can be, and if they choose to leave, say goodbye with grace, and place your emotional well-being where it belongs....in God, not in another human being.<P>o...We have been taught at the highest levels that your own rightousness and needs should come before others..<P>snl...depends on what you mean, if you forsake the food and water you need to live, you will die and be of little use to anyone. It is not a sin, nor reprehensible to take care of yourself. That indeed means sometimes your needs will come before others. If you and another are starving, you skin and bones, they 50 lbs overweight, you should indeed eat all the food, no matter how much they scream you selfish bum.<P><BR>o...As people desiring to be something other than just beings when do be start becoming more humane and committed<P>snl...We are human beings, we cannot be more than that, and it is not only silly to try, it is downright dangerous.<P>Don't mean to rain on your parade, just offering some other thoughts. Indeed we do have an alarming degree of selfishness in our society, but it is not the selfishness that is wrong, it is how we apply it. You will get nowhere telling folks to sacrifice and be less selfish because that is how they should be........instead IMO you show them how acting selflessly is in their best interest, will get them more in return than other strategies, then you have committment....the win win philosophy. <BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by sad_n_lonely:<BR><B><BR>snl...How can anyone predict future feelings? I would suggest the problem is not the one promising the "forever", but the one who believes it. Buying into impossibilities as a gaurantee is a recipe for disaster. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Lesson #1: DON'T MARRY SOMEONE WHOSE COMMITTMENT TO YOU IS BASED ON THIER "FEELINGS." Feelings change from day to day so if you marry someone who is this immature and shallow, you will always be in trouble. Feelings are fleeting as most grownups realize. All couples fall in and out of love.<P>If I dumped my husband everytime my "feelings" were wrong, my marriage wouldn't have lasted 2 minutes - no marriage would last if everyone was this immature and ALL children would be lost and damaged. A committment is not something that is based on "feelings." But true lasting love COMES FROM a deep abiding committment. Sadly, there are many men and women who not man enough to live up to thier committments. I call them ball-less wonders. <P><BR>[This message has been edited by Dana114 (edited August 17, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Dana114 (edited August 17, 2001).]

Right On Dana,<P>I feel the exact same way. Marriage is a vow of commitment done before God for a reason. Feelings are always fleeting---My husband never understood that and that is why we are where we are now--destroying our family, and disrupting our kids.<P>It is such an immature outlook on life. Me, ME, MEEEEE!!!!<BR>Loving someone is a choice you make, a caring committed choice. And you show your love through your actions--even when you don't feel it. It is amazing how passion comes back when you do that. I look at people who have stayed married their whole. Do you think they were always happy? They have learned that passion waxes and wains. I am so envious of them. My husband is still at the adolescent stage of life...and he probably won't ever get past that.<P>