To those who are LBing. STOP IT! <P>Some LBs are: <BR>>CRYING IN FRONT OF WS!!!!!!YES THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S A LB!!<BR>>TALKING ABOUT THE A!!! DON'T BRING IT UP.<BR>>TALKING ABOUT YOU AND WS!!!!NOT SAFE GROUND --in WS eyes there is no "US".FOG --remember??<BR>>TALKING ABOUT THEIR JOB(if that is where the A originated from) <P><BR>Some safe things to talk about are:<BR>>the children<BR>>the weather<BR>>anything middle ground--latest songs, the news, t.v. shows<P>I'M TELLING YOU, STOP LBING!!!! YOU WILL FIND OUT THE ANSWERS TO ALL YOUR QUESTIONS SOON ENOUGH! TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!!! <p>[This message has been edited by M&J (edited August 17, 2001).]

Great wisdom! Thanks.<P>i strongly suspect EA with W's boss-I had not thought of talking about her job as an LB, but it makes sense.<P>I clearly see the 'no us' attitude.<P>I have been Plan A'ing for several weeks, and there is maybe some warming. Have actually done good job of not LB'ing, except in counseling sessions (2 so far) where I have gotten emotional, and her reaction was just what you say. Second time was better, and I hope to be stronger still for the next one. It's hard in that setting.<P>I just saw what i think was 'evidence' of the EA just a few days ago. Have been churning on whether to confront or not, all advice here has been no. I called our counselor, and she said to do it during counseling session, if at all.<P>I am now inclined to let it ride at least for awhile. The sting is wearing off, and it is just focusing on her, not me. I can still talk to her with no problem, so i am just going to chill.<P>ANy other wisdom for us?

M&J,<P>I couldn't agree more. Since I contronted W about OM 3-1/2 months ago, I have only mentioned her relationship with him a once and that was in response to questions from her. She has never admitted the A, and I have never called it an "affair", I refer to it as her "relationship" with OM. As far as "us" talks, I don't intitiate any. She only brings up "us" when talking about D, and when she does I simply tell her that I don't want a D, but understand that she needs to do what she needs to do. I have cried in front of her a couple of times, but no sobbing. Just shed some tears when we talked about our daughter. Your advice is right on!!!<P>sad dad<P><BR>

Hi M&J <P>Now I have (a) question(s):<P>We (me and H) never talk about the A. <P>I always ask about his day at work (ok, granted that's a LB since OW is still there as well).<P>We rarely talk about his/my feelings. Only then I cry in front of him and that only happened in this last week. He said he wanted to go away with me - overseas. And because of that I talked a little about our future. I want to get it started and asked him about his resume. He's updated it, but didn't give it to me yet. Please take a peek at my other post "to GodlyMan". Especially the last note I just posted. I decided to give my H some print outs of posts about withdrawel so that he can see he's not alone. Since we never talked about the A I thought it's maybe time to try and help him through his fog by giving him some information to read.<P>Do you think I should rather just leave it for now first and just try and stay jolly again? Now you made me wonder. Now I tink that will be best.<P>Please reply? <P>Thanx!

Remember guys and gals,<P>LB's are determined by the hearer.<P>They will differ with people.<P>Okay, carry on!!

This is becoming a strong point being made on this forum in the past few weeks. All the positives and Love Bank depositis and all the excitment you try to generate, as a BS, will mean nothing if you keep LBing consistently. Whether it is every few days, weeks, months, if they can count on you coming back with tears or some other whining, then they won't stand for it.<P>Suck it up and don't LB! That's my motto, now!