My husband and I have been married for 18 years. He began having an affair 6 years ago. He ended the affair 17 weeks ag and told me everything. At my husband's suggestion, we are seeing (together) a wonderful therapist weekly. The sessions are very positive and we are working hard on restoring our marriage to where is should be. He has had no contact with her these 17 weeks. The OW has made 49 attempted contacts - 35 voice messages and 14 e-mails. We have put a block on receiving e-mails, but have not had his office number changed since that would give her satisfaction knowing she was bothering us. I feel this is a form of stalking. We have recorded the voice messages and made copies of the e-mails. This was done to build a case against her - if we should ever need to pursue one. We have not nor will not respond to her in any fashion. We are bringing our relationship to a new level - one that is stronger, spiritual and more loving. I would like to know if anyone has experienced this "fatal attraction" type of events? We know we can't control her actions, but she was told there was to be no more contact when the affair ended. She is married with two children and I have graciously not told her husband, there by prolonging the situation. Help!!!!!!

Cassi,<P>Welcome to Marriage Builders. There are many of us here in various stages of working on restoring our marriages. You and your H sound like you are on the right track. I have to leave soon but wanted to respond quickly. Hopefully another will post with the welcome package that we voluntarily share will as many newcomers as possible. <P>In response to your question, yes this has happened to some. My story is a bit newer, H just came home and OW is still trying to call. She had left over 30 voicemails in 3 days. A bit persistent???? Anyway, check with the harrassment laws in your area. Maybe at the local level and see what is available. In my area, voicemails can be recorded and presented as evidence of harrassment. Check with your local law enforcement agency for more details. Often the family court system along with the police have the paperwork for filing these charges. If the OW lives in a different town then you may have to get the paperwork for that town as well. Get the paperwork and keep it on hand. Letting the OW know of your plans may incite her more. You will need to decide whether it is better just to file against her or warn her. <P>Sounds like you have a real loser there. On the other hand, listen to the content of the messages. When OW was making those calls, H was really trying to recover, yet during those 3 days, OW did get through to H and sarcastically bragged about 'promises he made'. Now what I learned was that the OW was using past promises and making it sound like he just spoke them that day. Ah.... the OW also threatened to play back recorded phone conversations between H and OW. Never happened. The police in my area said that was illegal phone tapping and if she did that, we could have her charged for illegal tapping. It never got to that point. The OW in this case is a big talker. <P>However, when OW was able to pull H's strings, the phone calls stopped. That was more difficult. How do you prove H is still being faithful when OW stops calling? Hm.... hard one, still working on that one. That reconnection with H after that took us on a wild ride. OW claimed to be pregnant and then misscarry (all without any proof - just talk). Ow asked for money, etc. It got real ugly. <P>So while the OW in your case is making the crank calls, pay attention to the info and see if she is giving you any viable info. I hope not but you can never be to sure. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

Dear Orchid,<BR>Thank you for your reply. I didn't mention in the topic that the OW also claimed to have gotten pregnant three times. The first two times were at the very beginning of the affair (1995). My husband never believed her. Looking back, he says it was an attempt to keep him involved. She never had a live birth out of the three, but the last time she supposedly miscarried was around July 20, 2001 Left a voice mail this week (8/13/01) informing my husband of the event and that it had been his baby. The only problem - he has not been with her intimately since March. OW said it couldn't be her husband's baby because he practices "birth control". <BR>I do appreciate your response. I hope you and your husband continue on a journey that will bring you both love and happiness throughout your life.<BR>In spirit - Cassi

Yup, add me to the list...<P>At first PT was calling Robert's cell (business) phone 12-20 times per day, for months! Driving by his job, bringing pictures her wee one supposedly drew for him, leaving vm messages from the little one (3 years old) for "daddy". Bringing him lunch on the job, crying, falling in the mud, I can't even remember it all.<P>We found that telling her to stop just let her know she was getting tous. Ignoring her seemed to be the best way to go. Took a long time, but she did stop. We heard from her on her b-day (to ask him to a bday lunch) and then with a letter on Valentine's day, but that's about it in the last 10 months or so. We started treating it like a joke. Eventually, it didn't even phase me anymore.<P>You guys just work on you, she's not doing herself any favors.<P>Love,<P>Lori

Dear Lori,<BR>Thank you for your message. You're certainly right. If you can laugh about something or treat it as a joke, you don't use near as much energy. It seems negative energy wears you out. <BR>I hope you and your husband continue having wonderful times together.<BR>Thanks, again, for your message.<BR>Cassi

I was going to go into detail but stopped because of OW. You never know if she's around. <P>Anyway, I called the state police in our area for advice and they said that after you recieve the call, hang up and dial *"something" and the last # to call your house will be sent directly to the police station. You must then go to the station and file charges. I also spoke to them about protecting myself aslong as I'm on my property and didn't instigate the fight,I was okay.( a precautionary measure).<P>OW had threatened to kick my a$$. <P>We have all kinds....

Hi,<BR> Have you tried call block on your business line? If ow has same area code, you can block her number for about 7 bucks a month. It's wortha atry!

Cassi,<P>How are you doing? Looks like you have had several posts. This good. <P>Here is that welcome thread I mentioned. <P> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009007.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009007.html</A> <P>You sound like you are dealing with a psycotic person. The I have had to deal with earned the name Psyco Babble. Even gave her a 3rd name but it is not nice. Her initials for this name is PBB.<P>Anyway, if you and your H stick together, have the same goal and look out for the interest of each other and your family, then your chances of recovery look good. That makes me happy and I am sure many of us here are pulling for you in that direction. <P>Please read the info. It is very helpful regardless of what stage we are in. <P>Take Care, <BR>L.<P>

Thank you for your responses. I did check with our local telephone system regarding blocked calls. The only problem in our area is that it won't block cell phones. But I appreciate the suggestion. By the way - since I last replied (8/17) we have had 6 more attempted contacts - 5 telephone calls and 1 e-mail. Psyco Babble seems to fit the OW. Honestly, she has much more to lose than I. As I wrote earlier - she has a husband and 2 children who are completely unaware of her past and present behavior. Oh, well. As long as my husband and I are completely honest with one another and continue to work on our "new" relationship, we have definitely won. As he told me - I can't make you trust me, I can only show you through my actions and that will give you the reasons to trust me again. Again, thank you for your responses.

Hi Cassi,<BR>I only have a couple of minutes. Ask your H to get a new cellphone, or a new number for the one he already has. Your peace of mind comes first! If he gets a new cell or number, he has of course to give you the voicemail code...<P>Hang in there. You have a good H.

Hi Cassi,<P>Well, the oW has a lot to work on. That doesn't have to be your family's problem. Your family is doing better, then that's good. While not wishing her harm, her family will have to know what kind of person she really is. Maybe they know more than you realize. Either way, it is their issue. Dont' feel bad about fixing them.<P>Same here, this OW could have bad PMS and going into menopause soon. Her moods care cyclic and even though I have never personally met her I can tell when she is PMSing. Funny? H couldn't understand. Oh well, her family will have to figure out her help. I have enough on my plate. Usually I am a very helpful person. So is H, in fact that is how she suckered him into her trap. Even had the gall to tell her other girlfriend to stay away from H because as she so disticly said "he's mine". Childish? Yes, Selfish? Definitely. A spoiled brat? most likely.<BR>Glad she is not my relative. Yuck she almost was...... (at least to my son and in-laws)....what an awful thought. <P>L. <P>