Well here's hopefully a quick update of the past week. Any thoughts, insight or opinions are welcome.<P> Last weekend W went camping with OM and needless to say I wasn't happy about it at all. Turns out W had a terrible time, everything that could go wrong did. They were going to be gone for two nights but she made him bring her home after just one, still didn't let me know she was in town but came home anyway. W told me that she thought that maybe she was trying to see if she could do things with OM that we did and enjoy herself but it didn't work and she thinks she knew it wouldn't. I want go into details but from what she said it was terrible. On Sunday afternoon, me still being upset about the camping trip (didn't know about how bad it was) she tells me OM bought her a digital camera. That set me off he continues to buy her expensive gifts that I can't compete with because of supporting two homes. As I went off on her in my angry state she got upset but not like I would have thought. She got upset that I had gotten so upset, she couldn't understand why I was upset over something that was nothing. She went on to explain that the gifts from OM meant nothing, sure they were expensive but they weren't from the heart. The flowers I sent her last week meant more because she knew how much it had cost me when I didn't have the money. She said those flowers mean more because I remembered what she liked just from us watching a TV show together. So I felt like a complete jerk. She said she was really looking forward to spending the entire day on Monday together with out the kids.<P>On Monday we went out of town together for a doctor's appointment for me, I'm a diabetic. At the doctors office she was acting like my wife, she was concerned, asked questions and was completely involved, something she has never done. We spent the rest of the day doing things she loves to do. We did things I had never done and she really enjoyed sharing that with me. We laughed, played and just enjoyed being together. There was a lot still missing like normal affectionate stuff but as friends we had a blast. She never once even wanted to call her mom to check on the kids that's never happened. I can't begin to tell you how good I felt that night when we got home. She had even felt comfortable enough to tell me she had talked to our son and he had given her what for, basically told her how he felt and what he thought about all this. It really got to her, she said it tore her heart out.<P>Well all-good things come to an end and on Tuesday night she took the kids to have dinner with OM. I had asked earlier in the day if they would come to my place for dinner and got an emphatic NO. Later she called to apologize that they already had plans and she didn't mean it the way it sounded. Later that evening I was on my way to the store when they pasted me and she turned around and followed me. Caught me at the store and asked if I wanted to go for a walk, I said sure I'll be over when I'm done. They were headed to my house to see me. When I got there her attitude had changed she was very short and snapped at me a lot. I asked if I had done something she said no that it was Ahole. I left it at that.<P>Things have been quite for the past few days, well actually on Wednesday it was quite, I spent the evening with them and we had a good time. I'm watching the kids tonight so she can take OM to the airport; He'll be gone for 10 days. I'm not dealing to well with this because the airport is 2 ½ hours away and his flight isn't until Saturday at 9am. I don't like the idea of them going up the night before but what can I do nothing! Yesterday I took part of the day off from work and went over to watch the kids because she had a few job interviews. I left a card on the steering wheel of her car that just said good luck, I know you'll do great, I believe in you and show them what a wonderful person you are. As she was getting ready OM called so I went out side, I'm not going to sit quietly while my W talks to her boyfriend on the phone, LB or not. She came out a few minutes later to leave. I could see she was really upset and on the verge of crying I gave her a big hug, a kiss on the cheek and told her she would do great She came home about an hour later and was excited. Told me all about the interview and I encourage her the entire time. She wanted to go get some lunch before her next interview so we went out. On the way I asked if she was doing ok and she said that some people (OM) just don't understand and that she was happy to have my support. She also said that we wouldn't have to worry about things for a week or so and she was looking forward to not having that stress. I asked what she meant. She explained that she wouldn't have to worry about someones expectations or lack there of for the next 10 days. She went on to ask when I wanted the kids Friday night and I said whenever she was ready to leave. Well apparently she's not leaving until I'm ready for the kids and she doesn't care what time. She said she would even come over and make dinner for everyone what ever I wanted. I told her she didn't have to kiss my a$$ that I was happy to have the kids. (LB) She started to cry I apologize like crazy, I had said it in a half-hearted way but it wasn't taken that way. She told me it was ok it just stung a little. I even told she could hit me if that would make her feel better. She said that if I hit every man in my life that upset me I would be in jail. I told her I guess I would look pretty beaten up, she said not you but some one (OM) would most certainly be in the hospital. She said that she had been upset with him the other night (Wednesday) and was going to call me but thought that would be far to me. I told her any time she wanted to call I was there for her and if she didn't want to talk about what's bothering her then we could just BS 'til she felt better. I asked why she hadn't talked to one of her friends and she said the only she would talk to thinks OM walks on water and she doesn't need that. She went to two more interviews that afternoon and got job offers on the spot. She said it was because of my card, it was good luck she had carried it with her to each interview. <P> Tonight she is bringing the kids over and making dinner for everyone, I hope I can keep my cool and enjoy our time together. Sometimes I just feel like a doormat. She called earlier and asked if I would stop by for lunch. Boy I hate this fence sitting. I've also noticed some small things she has started doing again. She has been calling me honey and sweetie instead of by my first name or daddy. Last night she even slipped and asked if I was going to stay the night at her place. My son interrupted before I could answer and she didn't ask again so I let it go. She has even been quick to say sorry when she snaps at me. I'm not sure but I see some good signs here, I'm still very cautious about excepting any of this as a true change in the way she feels. I believe she is still very confused but the A may be starting to die. She and OM seem to be fighting a lot and she has been really upset about him. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and time will tell. Thanks for taking the time to read such a long post. Been awhile sense I posted any updates. <P>silwl <BR><p>[This message has been edited by silwl (edited August 17, 2001).]

silwl,<BR>thanks for the update. It sounds like she is beginning to come out of the fog. And that you are doing a great job of meeting her ENs. These next 10 days while the OM is gone could be just the opportunity for her to get off that fence.<BR>It sounds to me like she is ready to, but is still a little bit afraid to recommit to you. Keep on Plan A'ing her while he's gone. <BR>My prayers are with you and I'll pray for her eyes to be opened while OM is gone.<BR>Debbie<P>------------------<BR>"I find the great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving. To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it ---- but we must sail, not drift nor lie at anchor." Oliver Wendall Holmes

silwl that's great news! Sounds like the OM is looking less pleasing to her. That's okay let him continue to make her angry and you continue to Plan A and make those love deposits! Sounds like the fog might be lifting. Good luck to yu.<BR>cybil

That was a really incredible. I agree with dlm. I think she does want to find a way out of the fog, but just doesn't know it yet. Keep up the plan A w/ no LBing.

Thanks to each of you for your words of encouragement, hopfuly things are as they appear to be. I guess time will tell.<P>silwl

I'm praying for you man....you keep at it. Enjoy EVERY moment of the next ten days.

<B>Great Plan A'ing!</B> SILWL......your post is saturated with promise. You sure have that "Plan A" thing under complete control I smell a successful recovery in the breeze......<P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

Quick Saturday update,<P> W called as she was leaving airport on the way home, sounded really upset, asked what was wrong. She said they(W and OM) had a fight and she had left upset and crying. I told her if she wanted she could talk to me about it that I would listen but not offer any advice. So she told me that it started over something stupid and OM ended up saying something about her lieing to him, when hadn't she lie, I believe is what she said. OM ended up saying fine why don't you give me my ticket and leave. She did and later left a voice mail on her pager saying he couldn't believe she left, she says well he didn't try to stop me. Apparently they were even fighting over where to park. I think I've read somewhere that A's start breaking down when the lies start tearing them apart. Sounds promising. She's even here at my place now asleep with my daughter on the couch. Every thing went great last night, she made a wonderful dinner. I got driving directions for her, checked her car out to make sure everything was working and even let her have my cell phone just incase. When she even mentioned OM any last night she called him names like [censored] or Ahole. Even said he could drive a standard(stick shift) and she couldn't believe a 3? year old man couldn't so he must be a loser. First time I've herd her be so harsh toward him. Any way we'll see how the next 10 days go, I'll try to give an update later this week. Thanks to all of you for your encouragement and support and I pray I'll have some more great news to report later.<P>silwl