Hi to everyone thanks for all replies they help so much. Here is my dilemma, Fridays are one of my H days off, okay last Friday Aug. 10, he said he was working for someone on the day shift, H works evenings I believed him, then he calls and tells me he is working the eve. shift, okay I suppose a double isn't strange because he has done it before but with the OW and his buddies I am not so sure anymore. okay so he ends up working that friday all day all night??? all three shifts I don't know, now we come to this friday Aug.17 same thing seems to be happening worked days for friend says he is probably doing eve shift has not metioned nightshift but can almost garentee that he will not walk through the door until tommorow morning, so I am going crazy I want to call him on his cell phone and give him a piece of my mind, I am doing plan A so that would be considered am outburst because I know if I were to talk to him I could not be civil not the I am feeling. So do I just sit back and see what happens or do I confront him if he is telling me the truth?? He is just coming and going as he pleases while I sit back and be kind to him and supportive And try to make the marriage work for us and the kids while he is probably out some where, I don't know anyone that works triple shifts especially cops how do you function, I am so angry and hurt and I am not sure what to believe help... Sally

How can you find out if he is telling the truth? Can you call work and ask if he is on duty? If not, why wouldn't you call him on his cell phone to just say hi? The latter is something my hubby and I instituted after our problems came up; he would call me several times a day just to check in. It really helped alot.

I guess I relly can't find out the truth right now I could call his work to see if he is on duty but when he finds out forget he will flip espcially now because I believe he is still in the Fog. I don't know what to think anymore I am so tired of living this way, this will be a difficult night for me but I have kids that need me so i can't let them see how depressed and angry I am. Thanks for listening Love Sally

Hate to say this Sally but in our area, triple shifts for law enforcement are not allowed. For your sake, I hope this isn't true for his department.

Sally,<BR>My H left for 2 weeks, then came home and attempted to reconcile. He wasn't ready. he was here for 3 weeks, and came and went as he pleased, and it DROVE me CRAZY!!! I know you must feel - I don't have kids to take care of. Plan A is very hard when you are this emotional and H is "mis-behaving" right in your face. My H wanted to get an apt., and after 3 weeks of his crap here, I said fine, go on. whew! So you have 2 choices - as I see it (and read some of TOpie's recent posts too) <P>1. Plan A, get better control of your emotions, and let him come and go as he pleases until you can GET better control of your emotions enough to set a couple of boundaries - or get his cooperation in making things tolerable for you both. I never got to this point - mainly because he wasn't willing to consider my needs at ALL (calling me to let me know or coming home at a decent time, or No-COntact with OW).<P>or 2. Ask him to leave.<P>I finally got a point where I didn't care where he was. I knew he probably wasn't where he SAID he was (I checked a couple of times). It hurt me more to worry about it than to find out for sure and fuss at him or hold it inside. I just told myself I didn't care right now. He's an adult, and I can't make him do anything.<P>Vent here - we don't mind. But try not to vent at him.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 17, 2001).]