Dear All Fellow Limbo Residents,<BR> How do you be completely honest with WS? Especially if it causes distress to him? Do I write him about all my feelings, or just my feelings for him? Do I tell him about my efforts to protect myself and our kids financially? I'm confused about the honesty thing. I try to be the strong, take charge woman he wants when I'm with him, which is seldom. Do I tell him, "By the way, I'm dying inside." Someone, please explain this to me.<BR>LMH<BR><P>------------------<BR>Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer. Romans 12:12

At this point in time, your H is probably not able to hear how you honestly feel. It really doesn't matter what you tell him while he is in this state, he is going to think what he thinks and eventually what you say may get turned inside out. You will most likely not get the results you expect from your H (or want), and it will just hurt you more.<P>What is your goal? Is it to try and make your husband realize what he is doing and what he is putting you through? You can't do it. No matter how hard you try, it won't work. You cannot educate him.<P>Is your goal to get out your feelings, i.e. vent a little? Do it here, do it all you want. We'll listen!! Just don't do it in such a way that it will be an LB to your husband...<P>I find it is best just to write your feelings down, write them in a journal. Get them out.<P>Show your H how you feel. If you feel as though you must tell him, then make sure and use "I" statements. No blaming, and no making him feel guilty. <P>I don't think being honest when the WS is in limbo extends to telling him how you feel inside and how much pain he has caused. It means you don't go behind his back and lie or do things to hurt him. No more snooping without letting him know, etc. If your WS ASKS how you feel, YES, then you be totally honest in a non-LBing way.<P>Otherwise, these things just always seem to go the wrong way. At least for me and most others I read about here. Trying to educate him or make him feel guilty (even if it is not your INTENT) will just be seen as an LB to your WS, no matter how you phrase it. Sorry.<P>Perhaps you can tell him without LBing or making him feel excessive guilt, if you can, more power to you, but I'd like to know your secret. LOL. <P>Good luck. I hope this helps somewhat. I explained things until I was blue in the face to my H, didn't make one darn difference in the end. It was my ACTIONS that made the difference. <P>Just my 2 cents, for whatever it's worth...<BR>HbH

Honesty is like medicine. Good for the soul but must be in dosages that can be assimulated. <P>I have been honest with my H that is what made this A thing so hard. H turned devious. I turned protective. Both required holding back on full disclosure. <P>Why? Because full disclosure on either side was too painful and the attitude was not receptive. So why throw the proverbial pearls before swine scenario? H did not appreciate my need to get out of the dark and not be in a room with obstacles and carrying our son stumbling around in the dark. <P>H did learn to appreciate it but it was after a long and painful time. During that time, his loyalty was to the OW and any disclosure to him would have been detrimental to me. So I applied the scriptural counsel to be as cautious as serpents yet innocent as doves. I was careful on what was given to H. Yet not put myself in the path of a being called a liar. This was hard but in the end I was safe. <P>Did I lie? NO. I just did not throw my pearls of truth before the swine of the A. <P>L. <P>

Bear your heart and soul to God in prayer so you can face your foggy husband with a good, solid Plan A... God sees. He knows so let HIM deal with your feelings and you can keep a good steady, stable, loving attitude toward H.<P>H is going to be acting very self-centered and unable to nurture your hurt feelings--from what I have been reading here--soooo, take your feelings to the Lord where you will find endless mercy and compassion and fairness.<P>Let GOD love bust your husband. That way, H can come out of the fog without having negative feelings toward you!<P>Read Harley's articles and principles on Love Busters and what is Plan A. Verrry helpful.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html</A> <P>

Thanks to all who answered. Wonderful support. H has told me that after talking to OW for the weekend, (they spent it together) he's coming home to stay, if it's alright with me. He doesn't want any more meetings with SH and he wants to stay friends with OW, who works for us. When he goes out there to work with her, I will be with them. They both figured this plan out on their own. Nice of them. <BR> Sometimes the only reason I'm doing this is because of my Jesus. I know he's waiting with open arms for me and I will finally have all the love I'm missing now. <BR> God bless you all.