Well,as I mentioned in a previous post,my wife is having an a.She is currently living with the om.<P>Well,I know she has been ill this week but she continues to go to work everyday..just the way she has always been.Well,I try not to call her at the om's house just because I do not know what I would say if he answered the phone.<P>I have been trying call her once every few days,this week daily.I just call and ask how she has been feeling,tell her I love her and let the kids talk to her for a few minutes.<P>Well,I just got off the phone with her a few minutes ago.She was supposed to call last night,but I assumed she was not feeling well and fell asleep.I did not mention it at all.She says I am the only person that calls her there and when she picks up she is afraid I might say somthing rude...I have in the past when I first called her...<P><BR>She is so suprised when I am just nice,and caring.She told me she will be over alot next week because her schedule allowes her.I simply told her that is wonderful and we will look foward to spending time with her.She said she would like to come by later today but it will depend on how she is feeling.I do not encourage her to come when she is ill,I do not think it is good for her,me or the kids to see her feeling yucky.<P>Am I doing ok here?I have tried to say nothing but kind words latley,I always hug her and we exchange soft kisses several times during her visits.We tell each other we love each other and hold hands.<P>Now,I do not blame the a on myself,however I do blame the situation that made her "ok" it on my self.I am a full time daddy and neglected to do hubby stuff and I got wrapped up in my "stuff"<P>I feel like I cannot tell her I am sorry enough times but I wonder how often I should really tell her I am sorry.I usually start crying a little when I do,but with her,I do not feel it is a lb,I thinks it shows her I am for real,she knows I do not just cry under normal circumstances.In fact,I think she has only seen me cry a few times in the 7 years we have been married.<P><BR>Anyway,I feel like things are good right now,I am still hurting but I am still confident that things are working out.I know without a doubt that God is working very hard in the situation and now an day goes by that I do not thank him for it.

Owen, you sound like a wonderful father/husband. I can read in your words what a kind and loving person you are. Are you a SAHD (stay at home dad)? My husband was before his affair, but he was just SO overwhelmed with the kids/family that he had to run away, OW allowed him to do that w/o facing his problems... He too had little to no hobbies and he had no real friends to speak of.<P>Sorry, I am rambling. Anyway, it sounds like you are doing one he** of a good job to me. I could not stay in plan A when my H moved out to be with OW. I admire you for that. <P>Don't keep saying your sorry. Yes, you may have contributed to the conditions before the affair, but her decision to move in with OM and have the affair is HER issue. She needs to deal with it. She may not be sorry that she is doing it yet (fog-talk), or she may feel SO guilty that you just saying your sorry for the miniscule little things you did just makes her guilt 100x worse. It's not your intention, but that's the affect it has. Once you've stated your mind once, that's it - let it go. She heard, perhaps she is refusing to listen/accept it (the fog), but in time perhaps that will change...<P>Just keep doing what you're doing. Trying to meet her EN's, and not LBing. <P>It also sounds like you may be over-analyzing things way too much (ah yes, the BS curse - we ALL do it - LOL). If you feel like calling, call. If OM answers, hang up, or just ask for Ms. X, don't talk to him directly. That will be tough, but if you can do it, more power to you.<P>Good luck, owen. One of the things I have learned is to try my hardest to let God control what is happening. You can't force your W to see or do anything. You just have to trust in God that he will let her see the light when she is ready to accept it. In the meantime, just keep up a good plan A (sort of a sneaky way to help God move things along... <P>Good luck,<BR>HbH

Yes,I have been a stay at home dad for 3 years now.Our daughter is handicapped and she needed a full time parent.Around the same time we had our son.She had insurance at work,I did not so..<P>She does say she feels very guilty and bad for what she is doing and that there are alot of sleepless nights.I always want to say good,I am glad you know you are wrong and cannot sleep either,but I bite my tongue.A month or so ago,we had a good talk and I said all the negative things I had to say,since then I have tried to say only positive things,As far as i am concerned,I try to keep everything simple.But when it comes to the kids,well that is where I have a hard time.Now,instead of saying...why are you not here with them,I just let them talk to her on the phone.

owen, I want to read more closeoly later, I'm trying to get caught up on everyone. I think you are doing a great job!!! just watch for too many "sorry"'s and tears. Keep up the good work!

Well,I had an interesting wake up call this morning.Around 7 I heard my wife calling my voice....dream? I thought it must be.Actually,she was at the door and could not get the chain off.<P>She was on her way to work and dropped some diapers off,she told me she loved me and gave me a nice hug and kiss and told me I can call her later.<P>Good sign?

Write to <A HREF="http://www.allexperts.com" TARGET=_blank>www.allexperts.com</A> and click on personal/relationships and then marriage<BR>and find a dr duff at the bottom of the <BR>page <BR>she is a qualified counsellor<P>

Owen,<BR>That is a wonderful sign! yes! but watch out for the roller coaster - it goes back down... <P>That is very good. FOg may be clearing a tad - keep up your good plan A. DOn't expect. you're doing great.<P>Keep us posted!