You would think he would be saying to himself "Duh--I know this is wrong and makes my wife unhappy, so I will stop a-doin this here playin on the internet and talking to nasty women."<P>But, I guess his need to have cybersex with slutty women outweighs his need for a wife, a peaceful home and a family.<P>I didn't really say much to him this time. I confronted him. He denied it. I opened up the properties for the fifty thousand files from last Saturday, when he was supposed to be watching the kid while I worked, and showed him what I knew. He came up with some bull about how every time I open it, it updates. Yuh-huh.<P>So he goes on and on about how I am a stupid idiot, retarded, when am I leaving for the army because he can't stand me, how I am a neglectful mother, how I spend my day handing out basketballs at the gym because I am too retarded to work somewhere else. He tells me that he's going to make me submit to a polygraph test, he's going to shoot me down in flames when we go to court, I am going to jail (I am totally laughing at this part--for what???!!!)ect, ect, ect. I have heard all of this a million times. It just makes me laugh now.<P>The bad man showed up again--the good days, short-lived, are through.<P>So, when do I give up?<p>[This message has been edited by Bernzini (edited August 18, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bernzini:<BR><B>So, when do I give up?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>When trying no longer is the best thing for you<BR>and your kids.<P>Bob<BR>

Dear Berzini,<P>I am so sorry you have to deal with this again. Does he really mean what he is saying? Or is he lashing out because he was caught? Is he still in counseling?<P>Sorry for the questions. What should you do? Oh hon, I don't know what to say. A part of me wants to send the LB fairie over there to knock some sense into him. Another part wants to pull you out of that mess and give you a new life. Berzini, you know when you have given it your all and can't do more. Are you there yet? <P>Take time and think about it. It does get easier to let go with each stupid backslide. <P>I have to go out, I will be back later. <P>L.

No he doesn't usually mean what he says--but what he says is horrible.<P>I used to cry every time he went off like this. I would always react--by crying, by yelling back, then, ultimately, by leaving. He would always warm up to me again, eventually. When I quit buying it and stopped reacting, then he started cheating. That is, after I re-upped in the army and went on to WA to get his attention, to let him know that I wouldn't take this anymore, but I was willing to work on things if he would stop with the verbal abuse, he started with internet pornography, then cybersex, then he hooked up with the girls he met on-line in real life. Then the Miss Kitty saga began. Weird, huh?<P>I don't care anymore. I want the marriage if he will 1) put some effort into it and 2) stop the life of secrecy and going behind my back.<P>Otherwise, life is too short. I have an agenda.<P>Orchid, you are too much. How can one person be so kind and caring? You are pure gold.

Hey Berzini,<P>I have relatives over there. They don't know me personally but ya know the saying blood is thicker than water???? <P>Well,,.... maybe I don't have as much pull as I'd like to think. Anyway the intentions meant well but don't know if they really could have helped. <P>Is there a deeper problem that causes him to find more and more ways to keep your marriage in misery? Just wondering. I do worry about you. I pondered this same idea myself and found yes there were deeper issues but H is not open to revealing them all, so I am having to pull them out piece by piece. Having a mouthy OW on the side didn't help. I wanted to glue her lips together with super glue.... at least the babbling part would dimish some. Oh yea, she can still type. shucks <P>Well, keep talking we will be here for you. ok?<BR>As far as the gold part, I have taken my share of the help offered here. I know I am only giving back a portion of what has been graciously handed to me. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<P>

Man 'o Man......just when you think that things are changing for the better the rug gets pulled from beneath your feet. This road is sooooo long, bumpy and filled with potholes, eh? <P>Seems that your H can't admit to his guilt and hides it behind hurtful words and deeds. You, on the other hand, held your tongue and emotions and kept in the Plan A mode. Try your best to keep on track and hopefully his fog will clear to the point where you can speak to him one on one without his resorting to accusations and profanity.<P>Good luck, Bernzini!!<P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

The answer here is that he is feeling you have too much outside activity not balanced with family time<P>He is totally wrong in what he is doing and should support you while you are out though<P>Try to make more family time and talk time away from television and so on<P>Your child did not ask to be there and deserves a happy united balanced home and atmosphere<P>And I think you both can give it to the child<P>As for running away and all the dropping of verbal bombs on each other will equal years anyway of abuse towards each other false accusations and so on and is not the answer <P>You all need to get away from the telephone calls television and go on a picnic with your child children and more family time spending the whole day away talking and getting to know each other more deeper and leave the outside distractions more If it becomes too much get some teenagers to help with the load when you have to leave the house to do your activities or take them with and get them involved or suggest an outing him with the kid at a fun park or zoo<P>That way he cannot be in temptation while the missus <BR>is out<P>God bless you<P>Carol<BR>

Hey Berni,<P>I'm sorry this is still going on. Good grief!<P>I say get rid of the computer. If not that, then at least lock it down, encrypt signing on so he can't use it. There's too much temptation and he's demonstrated he's too weak to fight it. Get his POJA on doing this. If he's sincere about wanting your marriage to work, then he'll agree. If he needs the system for work related stuff, then you sign him on, monitor his use, and then sign him off. But, personally, I wouldn't let him touch it.<P>Locking down the puter will eliminate at least one of his vehicles to infidelity. Unfortunetly, you can't trust his word right now, shoot ... he can't trust his word right now, Berni.<P>I think looking at his addiction as you would an alchoholic would help you. Don't make it easy for him to feed his addiction. I, like you, hated being the keeper of the marriage, but under these circumstances you are the strong one. <P>I know your story, Berni. And I know what you've been thru and for how long you've been going thru it. I'm just so sorry you have to continue working so hard to get where you want to be.<P>Be well,<BR>Jo<P><p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 19, 2001).]

Ma Cheri...<P>Did you honestly expect him to not get online and check out the porn while you were gone??<P>He is hooked and cannot get out of it...You know as well as I do his carreer is going down the crapper faster than he knows...Just keep doing the footwork you need to and things will fall into place for you...<P>Not to be the nay sayer here but we can all surmise how this will turn out...Just protect yourself completely as he will come at you with both guns blazing when the end is in sight...<P>Much Love,<P>G

Well I am not going to be much help, I have zero tolerance re porn. I'd tell him extraordinary precautions are going down NOW, or he finds somewhere else to live TOMORROW. I really don't understand some of the behaviour you bs put up with. I really don't think you can drive your ws away permanently by acting in a responsible manner, believe it or not, we do know when you are "trying" to change, vs letting us walk all over you, and if you let us walk all over you, it is not good.