Cybil must be typing furiously.

As we all wait patiently... funny how we stop the 'fun' when we know someone is in need. I think that's great.<P>Karen<BR>

Okay today I did something really really stupid. My friend and I went in search of the OW house, we found it just drove by that's it. When I got home my h was here with the kids they were outside playing. I majorly LB just said stuff like I know you're screwing her and so does everyone else. I was infuriated. He told me to think what I want. I threw the remote at him (don't know why) and he freaked out started choking me he has never ever physically touched me. At first I wasn't going to call the police and then I went outside and my neighbor ask what happened to my neck. She knows the situation and told me I needed to call the police and then she ask what happened to your car? My car he kicked i mean iterally kicked this major dent into my car. I called the police they came and were going to go arrest him. I don't want to see him go to jail because I feel as though I provoked the situaion. I signed papers stating that I would not press charges but agreed to go ahead with the PFA. I feel as though I created this mess. I am so upset and everyone is trying to give me advice. my computer is even giving me s*** tonight! cybil<BR>cybil

where is H right now?<P>How are u right now? talk to us. Sorry your computer is giving you problems. me too.<P>What's a PFA

Why were you looking for the OW's house?

Cybil,<P>You are majorly stressed and we are trying to support you. If your computer is acting up, can you talk? Do you want some phone numbers? <P>L.<BR>

This does appear to be an all female thread if I'm not mistaken. May I budge in? I just wanted ya'all to know I'm still around and have hopes of WS coming home on Monday.<P>Cybil, I'm sorry to hear things aren't well.<P>I have had one busy day: I've put 2 windshields in, helped FIL put a motor in(almost done), installed new garage door opener, took kids swimming at my Moms, went out to dinner w/ friends and the kids, dishes, on second load of laundry, man o man if w could see me now. j/k seriously, I'm trying to have as much in order when she finally decides to come home. I really hope she doesn't postpone again.<P>knight?

Knight: it's not an 'all female thread'.. except for the fact that we're the only ones posting. Maybe it's more along the lines that us 'females' are too silly and instead of getting some sleep, we're up online. <P>Good news then.. busy day too! wow!

H is at his place. Police talked to him on the phone after he called here to see if I was going to press charges and ask him if he would come into the station and talk to them. <BR>PFA is a protection from abuse order. This was granted to me in an emergency situation I had to go to the magistrate tonight. I don't know why I was looking for the OWs house. If you've read some of my other posts you can see that I have been very consumed with the A lately. I keep getting this second hand info from friends and friends of friends and it's driving me crazy but I am feeding into it and I know it's wrong. The kids did not see any of what happened tonight they were outside playing and we were in the house. Friends and family are now telling me to move on it's not worth it I need to let go. I don't know what I want anymore. I know I did not deserve to be choked tonight. I was wrong very wrong for my actions. My friend a very god friend tonight told me that i provoked him and women like me make women like her look bad when they go to court. She was in a very abusive relationship and she did nothing to deserve it. I feel really bad.<BR>cybil

I'm sorry...but there is NO excuse for CHOKING...you should not be expected to take the responsibility for that...<P>NOTHING you DO should CAUSE your H to do something such as CHOKE!<P>Maybe you did provoke...maybe you were angry...but CHOKE!!!???<P>I can understand yell, scream...even the dent in the car...but there is NO EXCUSE for putting your hands on someone else in ANGER...<P>Cali

That wasn't a very nice comment from your friend. No offense, but you were still abused by your H. Sure, you may have flown accusations by him.. but that sure as hell didn't give him the right to try and CHOKE you!!! There are far better ways to handle things than by physical force.<P>It seems like you are getting too much advice from the outside. You admitted that it's driving you mad. Try to ignore it. It probably won't go away on its own, so at least ask it to stop. If you want advice from them, you'll ask for it, right? And if you want to save your marriage, you can keep on coming here for actual plans.. not just advice.<P>Karen<BR>

The emergency PFA is only good until Mon morning and then I have to go to the courthouse on Mon. and see if they will grant me a full PFA which is good until we go to court. I feel like I messed up big time!! He can have no contact absolutely none not even by phone with myself or the kids.<BR>cybil

Knight?, I'm do glad things are looking well for you. Hey, I didn't get anything done today on my list, so I'm extra proud of you!!! Come work on my list, how 'bout it? <P>cybil, I'm sure you are VERY confused right now as to what to do. DOn't make a decision tonight. We're here to help you relax tonight, and you can think tomorrow.

I know that I did not deserve for him to physically put his hands on me. I think it's really over now. What do I do? I don't know that I want to go through with the PFA either. He has never ever physically touched me before. I feel horrible. Like this is partly my fault.<BR>cybil

I took something to help me sleep I'm very tired so I'm signing off for now. Thanks guys. TTUL<BR>cybil

Cybil, i know you are trying to think through this and everything that happened tonight. If he was having an A with the OW, then he was just mad that he got caught. If he's not having an A, then why the heck would he choke you? It's not your fault. He had the affair. And he got caught. If not, then what's his problem for choking you?<P>Are you ok? Are you crying? Are you calm?<P>I see your good night... now.. sleep well, ok? give us an update in the morning.<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 18, 2001).]

The same rules apply to your situation now. You cannot control your H's actions and reactions. You can only control yours. <P>Okay, so you messed up. Join the massive LBing clan here. We've all done it (I think??.. I know I have anyways). What's done is done. You cannot change what has happened. But you CAN make sure that you do not allow yourself to act the same way again.<P>

Cybil,<P>Don't want to minimize your situation but I wanted to share a similar story. You know I have a lot of similar stories. Think we need to start our on going soap opera. Remember that old topic? Days of our A's.......<P>Anyway, while you did provoke his attack, he make the attack. Let me give you another experience. Sit back, be warned that you might crack a smile or roll on the floor, my stories tend to have that affect on people. <P>Ok here goes. About 1 1/2 months ago, H was asked to leave. Why? He came home but kept contact with OW and eventually slept with here. hm....... I told him to leave. It was a week day. We got up a bit earlier to talk and he decided he needed to leave. ok. Then he wanted to go back to shower and go back to sleep. I said, no. I had to go to work and take son to day care. So I took our son to day care, came back and H still had not made any move out the door. A couple of trash bags were already filled with his clothes. H took one of them out. That symbolically meant to me (H knew this) that this was final. H made the move out the door. Then he wanted to take his time and leave most of his stuff here. Oh no. bad move for me. I told him he needed to leave ASAP. I no longer trusted his actions. I began to empty his closet and drawers. His work suits I threw down the hallway and eventually some of them went out the front door. <P>H was mad, he kept pushing me out of the hallway and into his office. Pushing and pushing. Then he decided he was going to call the police on me. H told the dispatcher that I was out of control. He was asked to describe my actions and he said, she is throwing my clothes out. Dispatch said why? H said because I said h was leaving his family. All the while he was pushing me. Now what did I do? During his conversation I kept saying to stop pushing me, ouch you are hurting me (when he grabbed me by the arm). Dispatch heard this and told H to leave me alone. But due to fogese, H said he could not allow me to touch his clothes, that was a invasion of privacy to touch his clothes. Within about 15 minutes, 3 officers showed up. As they were walking to the house 1 officer observed H pushing me in the house. <P>So instead of me being arrested, H was arrested and sent to jail. I did not need to press charges, the police charged him with domestic violence. H in turn cussed one of the other officers for looking at him (very un H - but very OW she cusses almost as bad than an old sailor). The officer (a big man much bigger than H) told me that H had an anger problem and that he must be restrained from his family and our home property for a minimum of 1 week. All the while H insisting that I should be arrested for touching his clothes. Now the officer said he understood why I threw his clothes out the door but recommended next time to allow more time. I agreed. Yet the officer said that what H did was inexcusable. <P>So my point to you is that what you H did is inexcusable. Even if someone does provoke us, we are in control of ourselves and must be held accountable for our actions. <P>Moral to my story: Don't call the police to turn in someone else if you are doing worse. What goes around, comes around. <P>L.

ok, so the Rocky marathon is still going here. lol not watching anyway

Well hi<BR>I think Cybil has gone to bed - I hope she reads your post Orchid.<P>WELL - I'm home alone! H and the kids are down east and won't be back until Wednesday. I spent the day....doing....nothing....!! It was great. I just finished playing scrabble with the neighbours - out in the backyard - by candlelight - they've gone home, I've had too much wine and I'm having more.. woo hoo. Or I should say "Yee Haa' being a good Cowtown girl...