Why is it that H (ws) believes that everything is my fault?<BR>when i found out about his affair it was my fault he couldnt talk to me.<BR>then when XOW continued to email and call him that too was my fault because i stress about it too much<BR>Afew weeks ago H decided he needed time to think (unbeknownst to me) and went to a friends house stayed there all night changed all his passwords and didnt call me.<BR>the nxt moring he called me and left messeges til i answered the phone but this too was my fault<BR>I am sure that I got pregnant on my own and every other tidbit wrong with h is somehow my fault too<BR>how does one cope with this?<BR>when will h stop lashing out at me and blaming me for everything wrong in life Hes been out of the fog for about 4 months (so he says)<BR>but in reality hes waffling<P>how do i win

Your letter is confusing and difficult to answer because you appear very depressed and alone and are also talking into a hole that noone can hear you<P>You should try to be more clear<P>I cannot assume who you are talking about <P>Perhaps your husband boyfriend or someone over the wall next door<P>If it is your partner your partner is taking the anger he has out on you and you are also his target<P>Why do you stick with him girl<P>You are queen You need a decent man<P>Do you realize he has no respect for you and sticks his finger in her mouth and yours without washing it<P>Who does he think you are girl<P>Chin up Throw him out to the dogs<P>Liven your life up You have looks and all it takes<P>Straighten up what you need to and shake out your doormat<P>Give him the boot He is wasting your God given breath girl<P>You listen up here<P>Grab a cup of tea and give him the boot<P>He will have more respect for you then<P>And find someone new<P>You deserve it<P>Put on make up and nice clothers and spoil yourself<P>Take back your pride<P>And do not fall victim pray to him<P>You are better than what he deserves<P>Take back your life and find someone new<P>There are so many beautiful fish in the sea<BR> <A HREF="http://www.dating.com" TARGET=_blank>www.dating.com</A> will help you free of charge<P>Even if it is just for frienship<P>And see <A HREF="http://www.prayertoweronline.com" TARGET=_blank>www.prayertoweronline.com</A> <P>From your friend because I am a woman too and know the pain of being kicked around<P>Drink tea on me and get up and get going<P>I give you my blessings<P>Don't forget to tip him with the sharpest point of your boot!!!

I am describing my H's behavior towards me since Dday.<BR>And with all this belittling and accusing im franky rather pi$$ed off.<P>all i can think is H wouldnt treat the OW the way hes treating me and that just ignites my anger a little bit further. <BR>I cannot talk to any Man online or off because automatically theres something going on.<BR>major LB when i told him he had no reason not to trust me unlike hisself who had the affair<P>we have been married 2 years tomarrow and in all honesty i am rather surprised that we are still living in the same house. i really didnt think we would make it 2 years when i found out about his EA in October. I didnt think i would be able to get through it, and at times i dont even want to i would just as soon get rid of him the heartache would die alot quicker and my sanity would return sooner.<BR>now here i sit 7 months pregnant with our second child and i wonder what am i dong here.<BR>H has no respect for me or our marriage. i admit hes been doing better with our child and some days we can have a good conversation about our unmet needs.<BR>but he is moodswinging like crazy all over me..<BR>i understand that he has a wisdom tooth coming in and its painful the Dentist perscribed him Percs for the pain you think hed be happy guy?<BR>aint i the one whos suppose to have mood swings and raging hormones?<BR>does anyone know ifd depressing pregnacies have lasting affects on the baby?<BR>also i am going on depression meds after the baby is born.<BR>H doesnt understand why i need them<P>could things get any worse?<P>

Ignore Carol's post - she replied this way to someone else and is clearly not following MB philosophy.<P>your H sounds like he's in the fog for sure. It is the most difficult thing to deal with, to plan A when you know that YOU are he injured party, and of anyone YOU have the right to point fingers and be angry. You were wise to post here instead of venting at your H. Plan A is even tougher when you're pregnant I'm sure - all those hormones wreaking havoc in your body and emotions.<P>So - deep breath, keep calm. Keep up the good work. The fact that you can have calm conversations about your needs is awesome. When he's moody - recognize that - say "honey, I see that you are distressed, what can I do?" or just back away letting him know you understand.<P>No question that it is tough work!<P>

Would it help to be reassured that your H is just quoting from the MBW dictionary? Because he is. He is angry right now. He probably isn't even sure why. But I'm sure there are little things that you do or say that he doesn't like, and therefore, for him, it's easier to shift ALL of the blame on you.<P>Just know that it's NOT YOUR FAULT!! If you are doing your plan A right, then you are aware of YOUR contribution to the environment of your marriage prior to the A taking place. If you are working on changing those things, then that is all you can do right now. If he seems all the more irritable at you since you've been implementing your changes, it's only b/c he sees them, and it is scaring him to know that it really isn't all you that he's angry with.<P>I was 7 months pregnant with my twins boys when the [censored] really hit the fan around here. Hormones do NOT make it any easier to deal with. The things that would bother any other BS slightly, to a preggo BS are HUMUNGOUS!!! I'm not saying that you are over reacting.. not in the least. I am saying that it will get easier once the baby is born.. well, after a month or so (gotta give those hormones a chance to get back to normal).<P>Some studies show that depressing pregnancies will have lasting effects on the baby. Others show the opposite. When I was pregnant with our first son, I had watched some show on tv talking about homosexuals. According to THAT study, the majority of men who were surveyed, had mothers who went through severe stress in their pregnancies. But others did not. I think it's all a bunch of bologna to be honest.<P>You cannot control how you feel. No one can. You can work on controling your actions and reactions, that's all. As far as the baby goes, try to get as much rest as you can, and eat well. I lost 20lbs in less than 2 weeks while carrying the twins thanks to the A diet (augh!). Yes, my obgyn was ticked off at me.. but his suggestion was to at least take some of those energy drinks (like Boost) if I couldn't keep anything else down. And don't forget your (horse pill) vitamins! <P>Karen<BR>

I can relate to this.Your H is probably passive-aggressive and a compulsive controller like mine. Mine stored up 15 yrs of complaints about things I did then took it all out on me by having the A and telling me he was leaving me then being horrible to me in months in the fog. I have discovered in marriage counseling that he cant even begin to express his true emotions to me at the time he is feeling them-instead he wants things to be 'perfect' 'neat' 'tidy' orderly'- its all a security need deep down inside himself and if things arent that way I"m to blame because I'm the closest nearby target. Your H is probably verbally and emotionally abusing you- get some books and read up on this. I didnt even realize my H was doing this to me. I kept trying to 'solve' our problems by myself and if he yelled I would leave the room or cry. I have since found out in therapy this is the WRONG approach- I should speak right up and make him stop doing it. Because otherwise he has the power and control and it breeds even more lack of respect from him to me. Is your H in counseling? I cant even imagine him changing if he isnt. These patterns are deeply rooted and hard to break. At the very least read alot and see if youre changing your reaction to his control issue does any good. Insecurity inside themselves is what makes them be this way. Its not about you- its about THEM. lifeismessy