mine are many and frequent even though its been 11 months<P>dumb guy saying, "You've Got Mail" AOL sucks<BR>brunettes (XOW Was)<BR>certain places<BR>mutual friends<BR>sex ( she just pops into my head not necisarily a trigger)<BR>the list goes on<BR>just wondering if mine are irrational<p>[This message has been edited by LuvOnTheRox (edited August 19, 2001).]

We all have triggers, and the intensity of our reactions to them usually fade somewhat over time. There are things like songs, names, a certain store, hotel etc that affect me, but ultimately you can have control over them and not let them take you over. My God - if sex is a trigger - that is a problem my dear. It's a trigger if you allow it to be.<BR>

Yes sex was a trigger for me, but I had to let that go...we all know what goes through our minds....<P>I have to drive past the hotel he lived in with her four four weeks, every morning...that's a trigger alright...

Mine are:<P>Movies with a love story.<P>Every song on the radio seems to be a relationship song. If I hear U2's "With or Without You" one more time...<P>Today I went to McD's for lunch but the one I went to had one of the kiddie sections. My wife and I never had kids, but I realy want them now. So its hard to see happy couples with children enjoying lunch together.<P>Lastly, reading the stories on this and other sites. Some are not as bad as mine, and some are much worse. Some make me feel like my wife will be back, other's like I might never see her again.<BR>

Welp, you asked and here they are:<P>~ Kareoke - OW was a Welfare Recipient/Kareoke Host<BR>~ The word "obviously", OW used it constantly in her voice pages, and H started to as well<BR>~ Baby Oil - OW and H did certain things with it<BR>~ Kentucky Fried Chicken - OW's Fav Fine Dining Experience<BR>~ Pork Chops - The only thing OW knew how to cook (BTW: what is it with Pork and Affairs? I mean Lostva's OW made Poptarts & Bacon for dinner, and Lora's OW had an affinity for Pork Rhinds Sp?)<P>I think that's it for the triggers. I think there were more in the earlier days, but as I work my way thru this, I find they drop off my emotional radar like dead flies on a windshield.<P>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 21, 2001).]

We're only about to start our 3rd month of recovery, and the triggers are getting less and less (WHEW!).<P>I refuse for H and I to go to dinners or lunches at any restaurant they were known to frequent at (except for Swiss Chalet.. b/c we have our own memories there from well before OW#1 came along).<P>Sex used to be a big trigger for me. It took a couple of months to get her face out of my head.<P>Pert Plus shampoo & conditioner is one. That is the shampoo I brought with me to the hospital when the twins were born (they were born 11 days after I had kicked H out), and I was still finishing the bottle at home when I found out that it went PA.<P>Costco. There's only one in our city, and we know that OW#1 has a membership there as well. We don't want to stop shopping there, but we still cringe at the thought of seeing her there.<P>And without a doubt, certain posts on here bring back flooding memories of how I felt around d-day, and bring back a lot of the anger. However, I still believe that posting and reading here helps me get through that pain. I will admit, it gets easier everyday.<P>Karen<BR>

Mine are:<P>OW's name was Candy--I have two kids and hear that word about 5000 times a day. Makes me want to scream!!<P>Anything to do with "Yahoo". I can't stand any Yahoo commercials. Makes me want to puke!!<P>Their "song" "One More Day" by Diamond Rio<P>Phrases he started to use when seeing her like "you young folks" (she was younger)<P>His work phone ringing or his cell phone ringing.<P>Him checking his voice mails.<BR>

sorry... dumplin... lol about the candy. can't help it. lol

At least, H doesn't have a sweet tooth! I think I would blow a gasket if he said something about wanting some candy! LOL!!<P>LOTR--I have to let you know your post made me laugh out loud. H looked at me like I have lost my mind. The "You've got mail" sounds exactly like me and hearing "Yahoooooooo"!! I know it's prob not funny to you, but it helps to see that some others are in the same boat I'm in.

Good Grief......I'm about to start a rambling that may never end. My triggers are:<P>RED hair: SHE has red hair (with help from Clairol)<P>Stevie Nicks: God I love how this woman sings but I know for a fact that the OW loved her music......GRRRRRRRRRR<P>Driving by the Local Beer Joints: She and my H were regulars in the trashy lowdown beer joints in town. Bottom of the barrel places. They fit.......perfectly <P>My H's truck: Seen her with him many, many times joy riding into my HELL<P>The term "get a grip": The OW said this to me on several occasions that I confronted her about screwing around with my husband. Whenever I hear this cliche......I loooooose it.<P>Enough for now. I need to clean the foam from my mouth. Thanks for allowing me to vent a bit.....<P><P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

mine is 99.1 in H-town. STBX started listening to it when the A started, I should had know when the radio was no longer on Sports talk radio. I will never listen to this station & it use to be one of my favorites.<P>The Woodlands where OW & now STBX live,

I have so many triggers righ tnow it's hard to mention. <BR>Our friends, songs, house, yardwork, plants, foods, restuarants, movies, being alone, hospital (her and OM's workplace), travel, skiing, and the list just goes on.

triggers for me- getting the cell phone bill in the mail, seeing any movie that discusses affairs, or divorce, eating Lean Cuisine-that was what I was doing when I answered the door to the process server who was handing me surprise divorce papers from my H- now I hate answering the door to ANY strangers.I also hate the words WE HAVE TO TALK- thats what H would say each time he started on about how our marriage is hopeless, he wants a D etc. lifeismessy

2-1/2 years in recovery and I still have triggers of the Bar-Fly.<P>Triggers such as:<P>- her name<BR>- town that she lives in<BR>- bar/restaurant that they met<BR>- movies containing infidelity<P>Does this mean that I will remain forever traumatized by this? Regardless of how hard I try, I still can't get past the triggers and resentment.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Survivor [aka_NoTrust]:<BR>[B]2-1/2 years in recovery and I still have triggers of the Bar-Fly.<P>Triggers such as:<P>- her name<BR>- town that she lives in<BR>- bar/restaurant that they met<BR>- movies containing infidelity<BR>>>>><P>We are at over 2 years also, In the beginning EVERYTHING was a trigger. Now the triggers are mainly her name (I doubt I'll ever get over that one), the scuzzy area of town where she lives, the company she works for (I refuse to buy their products) and one particular restaurant (the only nice place he ever took her and it was only once) and DH's cell phone. So I look at it as progress. As time goes by I'm sure most of those things will bother me less and less.

Fairydust, In the beginning, especially the first year of recovery, everything used to be a trigger for me also. Now, the triggers are those 4 things that I mentioned in my last post. Maybe that's progress??

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Survivor [aka_NoTrust]:<BR><B>Fairydust, In the beginning, especially the first year of recovery, everything used to be a trigger for me also. Now, the triggers are those 4 things that I mentioned in my last post. Maybe that's progress??</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>>>><P>Definitely! That first year, especially the first 6 months there wasn't much that wasn't a trigger for me. I never thought I'd be able to watch a movie about infidelity with my H and now it doesn't bother me at all. I'm sure it would bother me if it was a movie about how wonderful the OW was and how awful the wife was, but we haven't seen anything like that. Most of the movies we've seen have infidelity resulting in bad things ("What Lies Beneath") and that's fine with me lol! Hang in there.<P>

Everything right now. Especially, turning down my street, knowing he won't be here, and waking up in the mornings. <P>And oh yes, I have to stop MYSELF from calling him Sweetie. THat's what I always called him. I heard OW call him that on a voice mail. yuck...<P>I'm sure this will get easier. <P>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 20, 2001).]<P>OK, you reminded me of another one.... a brand new fancy restaurant in town that WE were going to go to.... THEY went there. <p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 22, 2001).]

Postage Stamps in his desk at work (because he use to mail relationship cards).<P>At first, his briefcase, daytimer, and wallet - that subsided.<P>The phone card (I found later) in his wallet - I found it gone in December (claims he lost it - I believe him)<P>Receipt for relationship cards (the receipt I found . . . those cards were purchased for me)<P>The fact that he always closes the door to the bathroom when he takes a w . . . . . (he never use to)<P>Always keeping his wallet in his back pocket (our entire marriage he always layed it on the dresser), since I snooped, snoop, etc. it is always in his pocket now - I appreciate it when it is out.<P>Postage Stamps at work - definately stamps at work.<P>A couple of new jazz CD's - I thought she turned him on to the music - NOT<P>Dave Koz - a jazz artist - she had playing in her CD in my kitchen - on that Saturday afternoon I came home.<P>Thong bathing suits<P>One particular state (she lives in) nameless - because I would love to blow it to smitherines - Don't want all the " ....... ites" hating me.<P>OH, THE Pain.

Oh Aftershock, <P>Dave Koz is a bay area resident and I like him but OW tried to give H tickets to his Jazz festival concert this weekend (on your anniversary no less). She thinks his music is special for them, news to you OW, H & I used to like all of that beofre you, you scum bag.... <P>Ok, back to the MB thread.....got side tracked for minute LOL!! <P>Let's see my triggers:<P>1. Motel sex I mean Motel 6. Mix up 1 letter and the whole picture changes.... Yuck!!!<P>2. Yosemite - used to be a favorite, now it is a bad memory. H took ow there for their 3 day bad vacation. Oh well. Can't blame the state park though, it was there before all this mess. Except OW claimed to have honeymooned there. You know what maybe she did, can't really say, she talks a lot but shows little proof. <P>3. Hotmail - OW used this a lot. <BR> Good thing, hotmail shut down 2 of her accounts due to <BR> content. Ok it's better now.<P>4. Cherokee Jeeps. <P>5. Asiaic teas sold over the internet (OW has a website that<BR> does this). She buys in them in different parts of Asia.<BR> Stores them in her garage and will piece meal them out <BR> to her customers. Hm.... do you know that her garage<BR> not up to any health codes? She has 2 dogs that run all<BR> over (not sure if they mark their territory in her <BR> garage). She lives up in the hills with little critters<BR> near by. Wanna buy some tea?<P>6. The words: Cha Cha she used them in both her internet<BR> websites. <P>7. She sells clothes over the internet, supposedly custom<BR> made skirts. <P>8. Voicemail services & PO boxes. This OW had more PO boxes<BR> all over the bay area than home addresses. For what <BR> purpose? Not sure. <P>9. Personal ads. That is how this whole crazy thing got started. <P><BR>10. The name Sylvia.... H's first fiancee now this OW. I came up in the middle and my name doesn't even have the letter S in it.<BR> <BR>L. <P> <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited August 20, 2001).]