I can't live with the WS any longer. It is going to start to get nasty. It has been 4 months since D-Day. I have tried everything in my power to work and offer opportunity to rebuild but my WS is still obsessed with OW and goes to all extremes to be with her. Because of his guilt and waffling, he is starting to drink more and do hurtful things where before he was always feeling like a whipped puppy and did not want to make waves. He would try to placate and appease the missing in action moments saying for the time being what he thinks I wanted to hear. BUT he is so resistent to move out and avoids it at all cost. He has so much fear of leaving and wants the comfort of his home but says he has so much trouble being here. I truly believe he wants both worlds and I cannot give that to him.<P>Our oldest son (age 30) has not spoken to him in these 4 months and now my sons are having so much trouble reaching out to me cause I think that this has gone on too long and there is no closure or change happening. I cannot continue to have my whole sense of family removed from me. BIG problem---my WS is making sllllooooooow arrangements to leave but is draggin his feet. He does not want to be here but cannot make the move. This is wearing me out. <P>He went away this weekend (never did he call and give me a phone number to reach him in an emergency). He has still not come home yet. I am so angry about this cause my priority is for him to find a place to live but his priority is to do his own thing in front of my face. <P>This weekend with hime away made me feel the freedom of having a life again. I slept in my own bed again and could make plans to be with family and friends. I had energy to do things around our home cause he was not here draining the life out of me. I want to get away from him but will not leave my home cause I love it here and fear losing it. I do not want to give him the comfort of this lovely home and the OW. I often wonder if that is his goal. <P>I truly can understand a person making a mistake (A) and I can truly understand a person not wanting to be married to another person any longer but I cannot understand how a person can continue to hurt another person by not making a decision to end the harmful behavior and to blatantly have such disregard for my feelings and emotionally well being. <P>Any advice would be greatly appreciated....or maybe just getting this out will help me in the long run.<P>I often ask myself if this is just the fog or if this is a lifestyle thing with him. He has long term patterns of not being accountable to anyone especially me. Where is the line of a WS making a mistake having an A or the WS being habitually programmed to do this kind of thing on a regular basis?

I also had a H who for the last four--oops--five months was waffling. He definitely wants his girlfriend--but he also wants his home life with his kids and the routine here. For all these months, he spent time at work with her--he is a pilot and she is a flight attendant, and then would come home when he wasn't flying.<P>I let him do this until the middle of May and at that point I told him that if he didn't end the affair, he was no longer welcome to stay here and share my bed. Well, he chose to leave. He still came home every week and attempted to win over his kids(we have 4). On two occasions, he brought his OW with him and involved the kids with that situation. Of course tensions were rising, and he ended up shoving me against his truck one day. The next day I went and got a restraining order. <P>I tell you what, the peace of knowing he can't just walk in here whenever he wants to is so wonderful. The emotional stress has lessoned tremendously. I've been cleaning and organizing stuff that I should have been doing all summer. I took all of his things--which he has neglected to pick up and boxed them up and put them in the basement. <P>I am slowly but surely starting to feel like I can finally cope after these five months of pure hell. Am I still sad--definitely. Do I miss him? Yep. Yesterday we went out on our boat for the first time without him. It was sad for me--but also great for me to see the kids having so much fun with something we used to love as a family. <P>Getting your H to give you some space while he is waffling, IMO helps you become more centered. It is tough, but I found it to be such a relief. Take Care MnM

Tossed - perhaps its time for plan B? You don't need to put up with that kind of treatment anymore...<BR>Just a thought - any experienced plan B'ers care to respond?