Well, today marks one year of separation. Accordingly, I expect her to file for divorce any minute - she seems to be in a hurry.<P>No big news of interactions. Over the weekend, I hosted long time friends and their two beautiful girls. This couple and us were married on the same day and we had combined receptions and went on a combined honeymoon with most of both wedding parties. That's a fond story for another day. <P>Anyway, when my wife brought <son> home Saturday morning, there were hugs and smiles all around with our old friends and their girls. Why doesn't this bother her? Our friends and I and <son> were going to a big reunion (26th year) on Saturday afternoon. My wife asked them to say "Hi" to everybody for her. Is it me, or does this seem strange?<P>I did have a revelation while staring out the airplane window last Friday. Maybe this is what some of you were trying to tell me before, but I was too close to see it. My wife's recent change to accuse me of being "controlling" has been very bothersome to me. It had me second guessing my behavior over the years. But Friday, I realized that maybe she came up with this ONLY because I went to Plan B. What she now feels as "controlling" may really be her loss of control over me.<P>Hmmmm. This Plan B can be REAL subtle.<P>Everyday I feel myself letting go a bit more and becoming more focused on pleasing me. It feels a bit selfish, I have to say. <P>Anyway, today I'm making an appointment to see if I'm a good candidate for LASIK. If nothing else, the symbolism of "seeing clearer" may be well worth the cost.<P>WAT

Hindsight is 20/20.....<P>I do like revelations of the sort you are talking about. It gives you a certain sense of peace during the storm. It's a welcome break.<P>Glad to hear that you are feeling a little better.

WAT - <P>I have to concur with your plane-ride epiphany. Sounds like you've changed the game on her.<P>Dont be too hard on yourself re: the selfishness thing. Take good care of Dave! He's the only one you've got, after all! You deserve to do the best you can for yourself.<P>I hope the LASIK works out... and I LOVE the analogy... Maybe I'll set up an appointment for my W for her birthday...<P>Have a good Monday!<BR>zen

WAT,<P>Sounds like Plan B is working for you. Of course I hate that it could be ending in the way we all do not want, but you will be better for it in the long run. As for LASIK, well that might be a good idea although I paid $3,000 for my wife to have it last year to see better, well now I think I not only wasted my money, but they put the eternal fog in her eyes. How bad?<P>It's so funny going through this and the number of people that you meet going through the same thing. I had the locks on the door changed this weekend and the locksmith said the same thing happened to him 20 years ago, but he meet the girl of his dreams and now he is so happy. So WAT if it does end, we should all have hopes of better days!<P>GC

Amen, GDC!

WAT,<BR>Believe it or not, you are getting stronger everyday. I know today is that 1 year mark, but it ain't over until it is over. Be strong my friend. Be strong. I'm here to listen (read). <P>Take care.<P>OOOO

Ok Dumb Question<P>what is LASIK

Roxy - I know how to spell this only because the quacks sent me some information that I have right in front of me: <P>LASIK = Laser Assisted In-Situ Keratomileusis <P>The letters can be rearranged to spell "give us a lot of money and we'll fix your eyes so you don't need glasses."<P>Hey, just thought of this. Maybe they can give me laser vision so I can see into the Mothership. On second thought, maybe I don't want to see what goes on in there.<P>Dave<p>[This message has been edited by worthatry (edited August 20, 2001).]

The eternal question...who was the bigger controller? <P>WAT...sounds like you are coming to grips with some important issues for you...this growth stuff is hard, isn't it?<P>LoveOnTheRox...Lasik is laser surgery for eyesight...and the only dumb question is the one not asked . (is that a teacher statement, or what?)<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

Hey WAT,<BR>I'm thinking about LASIK myself too. Maybe after we get it done we can see cleary through our wives'fog. <P>OOOO

Dave,<P>Plan B seems to be working all the way around. Harley knows his stuff. <P>LOTR,<P>LAZIK is an acronym for "Laser Assisted In-Situ Keratomileusis" ... a bevy of friends have undergone it and the results are phenominal.<P>On a side question for the dudes on here ... I have "THOSE" tires, you know the Firestone De-treaders. I bought my Y2K Explorer with the faulty things and now they have replacements for me. Can you guys tell me what brand is best?<P>Good Year<BR>General<BR>Bridgestone<P>Help!<P>p.s. pls don't slam me for buying a Ford product.<BR>Jo<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 20, 2001).]

OOOO - I don't know. That would probably take X-ray vision.<P>Seriously, if you want, I'll share with you what I find out.<P>Dave

Jo - well, so far on this thread we've already mentioned planes, surgery, and the Mothership, so why not tires?<P>Recall (pun intended) that Bridegstone and Firestone got married, but this doesn't necessarily mean that the tires are the same.<P>I'm not an automotive engineer, but I'll bet the Explorer/Firestone problem was greatly influenced by Ford's recommended tire pressure - kinda low for the application. So if you're still driving on those donuts, please consider raising the pressure a bit - especially if you do a lot of freeway driving. I think Ford recommended 26 psi. Consider at least 30, maybe? Anyone else?<P>Other than that, please include Michelin, Goodrich, Perelli, and General in your list of potential replacements. Proper size and pressure are more important than brand, IMHO. Maybe Consumer Reports has some recommendations.<P>Dave

Ok Jo, <P>You are getting this tire question from a girl. LOL <P>My BIL (I just called him - he was in deep conversation with his W) What a guy!!!!<P>This is his line of work, he does sells wheels and accessories primarily to dealerships and sometimes individuals he sells wheels and takes offs from the new cars. So we have gotten good tire deals from him.<P>Anyway here goes:<P>Tire type: All Terrain<P>#1 choice: BF Goodrich Redial Allterain TA<P>The others were no in special order: Goodyear, Bridgestone and Dunlop Rover AT. <P>He does not recommend the General Tire Brand for your vehicle. <P>L. <BR>

Thanks, and sorry for crashing your thread, WAT. "Crashing"?, yikes ... not a good word to use when talking Firestone.<P>The deal is they only offer the three brands mentioned as replacements, I get to choose. So sounds like it should be "General"?<P>Jo

Dave,<P>Wow back to 20x20 vision? Awesome!!!! Wish we could have 20x20 vision with our spouses, eh? <P>I believe you are realizing the inevitable. Your W may fear losing her control over you. I wrote to you, Khyra and Mrs Job on GL's thread. What I have learned is that all personalities, behavior types can have an A. We can not fully characterize a personality (type a, b, c, etc) as guaranteed to have an A. We all can. Once in that mode however there seem to be a shift on how they act. More in unison with an addiction/abduction mode etc. The farther their personality is from being controlled maybe the better chance they have from pulling out of the A on their own. Yet if they are the ones pushing themselves to the A, the harder it is from them to really see where they have taken themselves and pull themselves out. <P>You know Dave, as strange as this sounds, mmy personal gut is that your W will pull out. It is just the when that I can't put my finger on. I mean her seeing her friends and yet knowing she is not a full part of your lives anymore as she once enjoyed may be the straw that breaks the camel's back? I truly hope so. I mean if the camel is the A. OK? <P>Take care and know what all of us out here (all over the world) are thinking about you and sending their support. <P>L. <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited August 20, 2001).]

Okay, cool Orchid. I'll go the "Good Year" route then.<P>I'm gonna step off WAT's post now and go get my tires done.<P>Be well All.<P>Jo

why was I staying away from this thread??? I thought it would be serious - and I wasn't in the mood this morning.<P>Lasik - yes I would love to do that too.<P>Glad you are doing well, wat. Keep us posted.<P>My tires are fine.

Faith! lol

Forgive me for giving my late appreciation to you all for the replies, and, ah, er, distractions. <P>Jo - Orchid's friend surely should know the tire answer.<P>Faith - so you've been avoiding me? <P>Orchid - back to the main topic - were you trying to fake me out? I read thru Alberta's thread twice, wondering what you meant, and when you saw me struggling, you changed your post to say "GL's". Very clever.<P>Anyway, don't forget my wife is dealing with very deep issues. I'm beginning to postulate that in her mind, although perhaps not consciously, she HAS to have a divorce to fully "separate" from as much pain associated with our deceased son as possible. But contradicting this is her apparent sincerity in wanting to be friends, and her reaction to seeing our old friends.<P>The cynical side of me says that she's trying real hard right now to not piss me off so that I'll not contest the divorce and not cost her a bunch of legal fees. She recently said she really needs to be freed up from our mortgage because she's "looking at property." She can't afford any property, unless she gets some money from her parents. I'd say it's more likely that she and OM are looking at property and the pattern of deception continues.<P>Dave