I posted this in my original thread, but wanted it to also be in its own thread.<P>My W came down to my office so that we could call OM together. Before we called, I asked her to read a letter that I wrote and am going to send to OM via email. The letter went like this:<P>OM,<P>Please do not delete this before you read the entire letter. I have let my W review this before I sent it and as you can see, I have cc’d her email address so that she is fully aware of the contents of this letter. First of all, I would like to apologize for the last time I talked to you on the phone. I was very angry with the situation that my W, myself, and my family are in right now and I tend to focus the blame on you - right or wrong. I know that I am as much to blame for our situation as anyone else. I also know that my W is very much to blame as well. It is easy to blame others for our own problems. I also have a tendency to blame you more than my W because I still love her very much and want to put my family back together. But this is not why I am writing this letter. As you may or may not know, I caught my W in a lie regarding talking to you on the phone the other day. In my opinion (and my W knows this to be true otherwise she would not have lied about it), continued communications is detrimental to us reconciling our marriage and rebuilding our family. My W has indicated that you have been the one continuing to initiate the contact since she told you that she was going to try to work on our marriage and that no further contact can be made. She has told me that she has told you that it is not good for you to call her, but I also know that she does not want to hang up on you when you call. Therefore, I am asking you as a gentleman to do something that I know you do not wish to do, but is necessary to restoring the lives of six people and most likely you and your family as well. Please do not call my W anymore and if she slips and calls you, I would ask you to please tell her that you two cannot communicate any longer because it is the right thing to do. I understand that you have a desire to check on her and that you worry about her. I cannot deny your feelings about her well being. I simply ask that you refrain from calling her. If you desire to check on her, I would welcome any emails you might send to my office. I will print them out and ask my W to hand write a response. I will forward you via email the response and cc her so that you know that I am sending what she asked me to send. I believe that I am being more than reasonable with my request. I believe most people in my situation would have simply made an ultimatum followed by a threat. I am trying to provide an amicable solution that does not produce the withdrawal associated with the cold turkey approach to ceasing the communications. Please adhere to my request and the request that my W knows is the most appropriate solution to repairing our lives and the lives of our children.<P>Together, my W and I created unhappiness in our marriage. However, continued contact with you is promoting continued unhappiness and preventing renewed happiness in our marriage. It is for that reason that I am asking you to please stop all communications with my wife.<P>My W has told me that she has asked for you to stop calling her. She has indicated that you still do, and that she talks to you when you call. I have told her that, in essence, she is rewarding bad behavior. In other words, she is providing incentive for you to call. I believe that incentive should also be provided for you not to call. That is the reason that I am going to tell you that if I find out that you are talking to my W, I will provide your family with all of the information that is currently on file with my attorney regarding this whole situation. I am sorry for it to come to this, but I feel that I am out of options at this point.<P>As I mentioned before, I know that you care for my W. Because of that, I am willing to make you a promise. I promise to love and care for her in the manner that she deserves for the rest of our lives. I know that I have made mistakes and was subsequently the cause of some deep-rooted unhappiness in my W. I will not make those mistakes again. I will not allow my W to be unhappy again. Sure the next few months/years are going to be difficult as we try to repair this marriage, but I plan on focusing on the issues that are the source of my W’s unhappiness. Please know that I love my W and my family with all my heart and I will not allow this close call to happen again.<P>Thank you<P>--------------------------------------------------------<P>My W was not happy with the "threat", but said I could send it anyway. She made the phone call from my office speaker phone so that I could hear the entire call. The OM basically said "no problem" to my W telling him that because she and I are trying to make this work, he cannot call her.<P>After the call my W asked if it went the way I wanted. I told her that if it was so easy for him to say okay, why didn't he do it when you asked him before. She got pissed and left. She did give me her cell phone though.<P>S&C<p>[This message has been edited by sadandconfused (edited August 20, 2001).]
