Well I went to the courthuse today and talked to someone there and explained the situation. The woman I spoke with told me that it was my decision about fileing. I told her that I was afarid if I didn't and another inicident occured that the courts may look down on me for not following through when I had the opportunity. She ask me if I was fearful of my H and I said no. She said that she would keep it on file and that I did not actually have to file today that I had a few weeks and that if I decided to go through with it I could. Now if this would happen 3mos. down the road and I haven't done anything then I would have to get another PFA. My H called me at 8:00 this morning and I ask him why he was calling me and he said the PFA is off and wanted to know if I was going to go for a permanent one. I told him I was still undecided and that I still had to go and speak to someone. He said well you need to let me know because I don't know if i can contact you again I said I would. I went to my counselor today and he said tell H that you have to let them know in 24 hrs. what you're going to do about PFA he has 2 choices 1. get into a counseling program or 2. I'm fileing for PFA. I called H after my session and told him and of course he took it as an ultimatum I also told him OW needed to be gone. He could have no more contact with her if there is anyway that we could try to reconcile. During our earlier conversation he told me that she was leaving her job so I wouldn't have to worry about that. Heard the we are friends that's it. Told him that it really hurts that the man that I love loves someone else. He said I don't love her! I gave him until the end of the day to make his decision. No more waffling. I have to take control of this situation or it will just continue. I've decided that if he makes the decision not to get into a program them I'm moving on. I can't go on like this. I'm done living in limbo. He did admit that he hasn't been able to resolve anything on his own during our separation so I'm not sure if I should look at that as a positive sign or not. I guess I'll have my answer in a few hours I'll keep you posted. <BR>cybil

Hi Cybil,<P>This is progress here..... small but steady. You are doing good. Not much more to offer (wow for me that is a rarity - LOL). <P><BR>Take care,<BR>L.<p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited August 20, 2001).]

cybil,<BR>I have to say I am proud of you. I think you have done what you needed to do. How do you feel? Keep us posted.<P><BR>((((((cybil))))))<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

Hi I'm doing okay. Actually I'm trying to just focus on some other things today. I figure if he decides he doesn't want to go for counseling then he doesn't want our marriage or his family. At least I'll know where I stand.<BR>cybil

Well H called tonight and gave me his answer. He has decided not to go to counseling. You see he took it just the way i thought he would as an ultimatum. He doesn't do ultimatum's very well. He says I am controlling and that has not changed about me. I am giving up at this point. He told me that he loves me and cares about me but cannot be with me right now. Couldn't give me a reason for this. Could it be the OW that he continues to deny? We both agreed that we should not see each other for awhile. I told him that he won he can have his freedom because I cannot do this any longer it's draining me emotionally & physically. He said he's going to continue to do what he's been doing work work an work. He says he isn't going to date anyone because he has no interest in that. Guess he figures he would just rather sneak around with the married woman why date. I told him at this point I dont care what he does just please stay away from me for awhile so that I can get on with my life. I also said that I can't promise him that I won't date (he knows I won't just said it to make him feel bad) he was silent for a minute and said please don't flaunt it in my face. We agreed that things have gotten ugly and neither of us want that. We also said that we would set up visitation days for the kids. He said that maybe later he would go to counseling but not now. That's what he said 3 mos. ago. I can't do this any longer. I said something to him that by now I thought he would have come to his senses and he said me to. So that's it,I'm okay. I was a little emotional at first but as long as he stays away I will be okay. It's been to easy for him. I've allowed him to come by and do the family thing whenever he wanted to now that has to stop or he will continue to waffle and treat me like a doormat. I've decided not to proceed with the PFA it will only put more of a strain on things. I just want to get on with my life and start living it again. <BR>cybil

Hi Cybil, <P>Sounds like plan B time. You will feel relief during this time be able to concentrate on you. Hard as it sounds, those of us that have tried it find that the apprehension was more forboding than the actual plan B. <P>Take care and keep posting,<BR>L.<BR>