Hello everyone!<P>I'm doing much better these days. The Zoloft has kicked in. I took my kids to Galveston this weekend. We first went to Houston to visit our church down there, stayed the night, went swimming at the hotel. The next morning I took them to Galveston Island, they swam in the ocean (only their 2nd time), ate at Joe's Crab Shack, and took them to Moody Gardens. We had a great time together, and I really didn't think about H too much, except that I wished he was there to share the time with us. <P>Didn't cry at all, except for a little on the trip back, and my OS asked not to talk about his Dad because he didn't want me to cry. They told me they blame their Dad for everything. They don't think my weight was a good reason to leave me (although, I do know that was one of his EN's, and I accept that as my fault), and they said that I'm the only one trying. He told them when he left that he was going to give me time to lose weight, and then he would give me a chance. They said I've lost the weight and he's still not trying. He apparently only told them that to appease them, and they are hurt by that. You see, he's always been really bad about keeping his word to them, and they just look at this as another broken promise.<P>When we got back home, my husband had done my lawn better than it has ever been done before. You see, last week he told me he felt like I needed to move out of our rental house, that that was the only way we were going to get the bills paid off, and he's tired of being in the hole. I told him that I already made that decision. The kids are very upset about this. Anyway, when my kids saw the lawn, the OS said this was a sign that he was coming back - because he wanted the lawn to be done. I tried to explain to him that his Dad already said he was going to do the lawn, but he said, why would he do such a good job when we are leaving? He said I believe he's coming back, and we're not going to have to move. My MS just got angry, and said "I don't want to move." I feel so badly for them. They love our house...I wanted to eventually buy it.<P>This morning, my H said, "Did you see what I did for you? I worked my *** off this weekend." I said, "yeah, it looks great, but I wish I was going to be here to enjoy it." This was probably an LB, but I was really angry that he didn't hardly do the lawn at all while he was home, and now that we're moving, he finally does it wonderfully. Even put the fence up. He said, "Oh, so it was worthless since you are moving?" So, I explained to him what the kids said. He said, "I always kept the lawn like that?" I said, "no you didn't, but that doesn't matter. I just wanted to let you know what they were thinking."<P>My OS was supposed to talk to him this morning, but I don't think he did. I paged my H this morning and left him a message that I really did appreciate what he did to the lawn, and I hoped he didn't misunderstand my frustration with being unappreciative. <P>He called me back and we talked about kids football practice, he wants me to buy them cleats. He started to say something, but said, "Nevermind, you'll just get mad." I said, "Okay." (I didn't push him to say it). He said, "it's nothing bad." I said, "well, go ahead and say it." He said, "I have some really good boxes here." You see, last week I LB'd him when he was trying to talk to me about moving, and told him it upset me to talk to him about moving. When he said that today, I kind of laughed a little. He said, "what was that laugh for?" I said, "Because, you thought I would get mad or cry over that." So the conversation became somewhat pleasant. He felt comfortable talking to me about it, although the whole time I did want to cry. He said he wanted to help me with the move. He said he wanted us to start moving things now so we wouldn't have to do it all at once. I said, "Okay." He asked if I enjoyed my trip, and I said yes. He said, "Good, good, the boys seemed to have enjoyed it, too." And we said our good-byes. I hope I did better. No crying, no asking him to come home, and no asking him if he was still considering.<P>I cried a little after the call. This moving thing seems so final to me. I read from someone that the Harleys suggest that the BS move. Is that true? Or do they mean far away? I'm staying in the same neighborhood. My friend said H would see the move, and realize that I was actually going on with my life. She thinks that even though he wants me to move, once I actually do it, he'll start feeling things slipping away just like I am.<P>I don't know about all that, but I do know that I am very lonely right now. I told my friend today that it was to the point that anyone would do to make me feel better. It didn't really matter at this point if it was my H or not. No intimacy in 5 months takes its toll, especially when affection is my absolutely top EN.<P>Please keep praying for me. Sorry this was so long.<P>God bless you all!<BR>TIG
