VENT<P>For those follwing my threads, just found out my W is in EA with her boss, believe she would like it to become PA. We have been separated 5 weeks. I have been doing Plan A OK, thought i saw some warming. <P>Read some things, aside from the 'ilove him, miss him'for the OM in the EA, that really disturbed me. Things like 'does ARt really think we are going to get back together', 'he is not a good person', even a dig for a comment i meant as a compliment. Said at one point she is only going to counseling to make me feel better. She cuts me no breaks.<P>At this moment of this day i am feeling a little hopeless, i miss my home and my family, and i want this crap to END!<P>Please someone tell me things are not hopeless, that our marriage can still work, that i should not pay much attention to what she says or does right now, that the fact she is going to the counseling is good, the why aside. i know those things, but i just can't live them today.<P>i have not been perfect, but dammit i don't deserve this! i know i am a good person, i have the high ground here, i have done the right things by my family, i deserve better than this. i didn't sign on for this-i respect my marriage vows.

Hi,<BR> <BR>I responded to you earlier to day. Did you read my post? Please let us know how familar you are with MB concepts and have your received and read the welcome package? This will give you support and help you keep a clear mind and a calmer heart. Also make you more receptive to the support here. <P>Please let us know. We can see that you are stressed. <P>L. <BR>

Perhaps I'm taking you a bit too literally, but here goes:<P>Things are not hopeless.<P>Your marriage can still work, it will take real determination on your part at this time.<P>Don't pay much attention to what she says or does right now.<P>The fact she is going to the counseling is good, the why aside. (perhaps you could steer her to Steve Harley on this site? Not all counselors are pro-marriage, some are pro do-it-if-it-feels right)<P>Even if you have not been perfect, you don't deserve this! <P>Now is the time for you to choose your behaviors, hopefully Plan A. No lovebusters and make your time with her or talking to her a good thing for her.<P>5 weeks of separation can feel really long. Make sure you see your kids regularly, somebody needs to be there emotionally for them, they need to know they can count on you, even if you are not in the house.<P>Waiting out infidelity can take a long time, a lot of patience and a kind of selfless love that seems nearly impossible at times. If your goal is to make it possible to reconcile a little, or what may turn out to be a lot, later remember when you deal with her that you love her and want to make that possible.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

Thanks to you both. Orchid, i am pretty familiar with the MB approach and have read the welcome materials, and have been trying to work Plan A as best i can. I struggle with meeting her EN's given the short duration of our contact-just tough to show her much in 5 and 10 minute snippets. But, it is better than nothing, and i do give it a good shot when i can.<P>LorLor-thanks fore the encouragement. i hit a low spot this afternoon. Thank G*d for the good people here, and some very supportive friends at work. Just need a little pick-me-up every now and then.<P>i pray every night for patience, courage, and strength, clarity of thought for my W, and if it is G*d's will, returning peace and love to our family.<P>i see kids two nights and days a week, and those are precious moments for me.<P>i could try steering her to this site, but think she would feel manipulated or controlled (big issue for her), and she would buck it.<P>Thanks again for the support. i wish you both peace.

If only one person walks in the Love of Christ, then half the problem is solved. It sounds like you are the one who is elected to do so in this situation. Keep the faith and never give up on your marriage.<P>Even if things get worse before they get better, your conscience will be clear knowing that you are giving it your 100%. You can do this! Keep reading all you can on this site whether or not your spouse is open to the information. It's all good. Also recommend 1 Cor.13--all.