No questions or advice this morning, just an observation. I look at an A as like driving down a road that has a cliff at the end of it. The WS and OP are in the front seat in complete control. You as the BS are in the back seat and have no control. You keep telling them to turnaround because you know what is ahead, but they just don't here you. Then you wish they would at least speed up and get it over with. But they don't, they just keep driving slow. Well, eventually you go over the cliff. Now it's just a question of who survives, if any. I guess that is the point I am at.<BR>Thanks

fasten your seatbelt, you will survive and you will come out of this a much better person, it is how you handle yourself that will determine How well you do in the future. take care of yourself, this can be a long ride<P>

Yeah a stronger and better person. you know like the Bionic Man... <P>Very good analogy...just hang on and NEVER give up...

You are so right. I remember feeling totally out of control and helpless. I just found out the truth a few months ago, although my H had an affair with my former best friend almost 6 years ago. At that time, I was devastated and thought it was EA only. Now I know the truth and this time I'M in the driver's seat. Feels much better that way.<P>I remember thinking "It takes 2 people and tons of work and commitment to plan a wedding. But in 5 minutes, it can all be over if one person has an affair." <P>You WILL get over the cliff. It's hard and you won't ever forget how painful it was. But it IS worth it. Our marriage has survived a 9 month separation and 2 rounds of counseling have helped. This time I'm in incredible pain and he's just feeling guilty. It's very hard to take 6 years of lies. Good luck!

IMHO, it is more like the roller coaster. Because these WS and OPs are really not good drivers. Instead they hop on very well worn tracks laid and ride the ride taken by many before them. Similar course, no control, lots of action, big talk, great anticipation, scary, high emotions, put in the dark, etc. We start off with them on this ride but at some point, when we actually realize where we have been taken, we can choose to get off. It does not come automatically, it is more like we were happily resting and someone put us on this ride and one day (d/d) boom we wake up and up whoa.... let me off this roller coaster. <P>What I really feel like is that the BS has been put into a room by the WS a dark large room with no windows and no light, we are carrying our most precious possessions (our love and our children) stumbling over the obstacles put before us by the OP and WS. Sometimes we trip and even fall or feel like we are falling, other times we are able to brace ourselves and help ourselves up. Eventually we reach or see some light and are able to make our way out. With or withour our mate. We are not locked up in that room forever. <P>L. <BR>

Thanks to each of you that responded to my post. I guess we all have different analogies that best fit our situation. And I thought this one best described mine. I mentioned that the car moved slowly in my case. I'll try to explain. I hear you all speak of D-day. In my case it was almost like 4 or 5 D-days. That was partially my fault. WS would lie and I would deny to myself(a bad combination). Finally you both get backed into a corner. Then it is over the cliff. I think one piece of advice I can give and hopefully I can follow. Once the truth is out, don't look for more proof. It serves no purpose. At that point it is out of your hands. I truly believe that Dr. H's principles offer the best chance of saving a marriage. Good luck to you all.<BR>