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He's only been gone for 2-1/2 weeks. Have seen him briefly for 4 out of 5 times. Tonight I'm thinking that maybe I don't really care if he comes back or not. I can't cry anymore. And my days aren't so full that I haven't had time to dwell on it.<P>Is this normal betrayed behaviour after discovery and two months of a botched Plan A attempt? Or am I just sitting up on my high horse waiting for him to make a move? You know, the old saying---if you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours?
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i don't know if it is normal behavior or not, but my H is still here and still cheating after kicking him out 1 month ago. <P>i am also starting to not care what happens. i think you get to a point were you say, i deserve better. to a point where you can take no more hurt. but i know i say to myself many times a day "he is not worth it, i deserve more"<P>maybe it is also a unconscience mechanism that is triggered in you brain to help us not hurt any longer. if you don't care, you won't hurt. <P>
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I'm not sure if anything we do now is " normal " .... I too feel the same way every once in awhile. I try to make a connection and it doesn't work or she doesn't respond I just kind of go "Oh well.."<P>I flip-flop on a daily basis.... One minute I think I can forgive her, I love her and can make this work. The next I think She betrayed me, Oh my GOD how could she let another man have sex with her ? How could she have been talking with him for so long and not have told me ? Didn't she know that this is wrong ????<P>So you see I don't know what is normal but I know that you are not alone.......<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P><BR>
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It probably is a defense mechanism. But maybe no one is worth pining over. <P>Kasey, it must be hard for you with your children so young. Especially with a baby. Mine is six. Not old enough to understand the meaning of adultery but old enough to hurt and to realize that he may not be coming back. <P>Are you doing Plan A? It must be difficult to focus on your H when you have children's needs to meet. I know that this was my downfall. I devoted myself to my daughter for the past five years (staying at home) and ignored my H (& myself!) in the process. <p>[This message has been edited by Scaredsilly (edited September 10, 1999).]
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Rutger,<BR>It helps to know that others are feeling the same way. Unfortunately, my H is living with the OW. I forced his hand. She is a client and he knows that he is walking a thin line.<P>I guess that I will just try and live by your motto---one day at a time.
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Is it that you don't care anymore or it doesn't seem to hurt so much?<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>
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I don't think that "not caring so much" after all that the betrayer has put us through is an abnormal reaction... It seems to affect many of us that way.....<BR> I know with me, that It also has had a good side-affect..... I can say what I feel and am not afraid of the reprocussion <sp?>.<BR> I get tired of being on eggshells when it comes to voicing my opinion when I think H is out of line.... I don't think that bottling up 9 years of *&^% was a healthy thing to do, but I was always afraid of messing up my marriage.... and then H spent half of those 9 in an affiar... GO FIGURE...<P>cozy <P>
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Chris, I'm not sure which it is yet.<P>Used2BCozy, I'm not afraid of telling him my thoughts (ie. speaking my mind) anymore. I would always clam up in any confrontation. No longer! He doesn't understand this new me....
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Oh my gosh! Thank you so much for this post. I have been feeling that "NO CARE" attitude too. I am 8 months into recovery with H who had an affair while I was 7 months pregnant with my second child. I worked so hard in the beggining to not lovebust, and to be kind, and held him through the withdrawl, yada,yada,yada. 8 months later none of that is coming my way and I am beggining to not care. I told him last night "I would rather be by myself and feel this lonely and miserable, than to have to wake up and see your face and still feel totally lonely and miserable. What is the point?" I don't know if that is farly normal with those betrayed or not. But I sure feel better seeing that other people feel the same way!
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scaredsilly....<P>My being more open about my feelings anymore has caused my betrayer H to just say "you just don't except me anymore..." when the truth is that I never excepted it before, I just bottled it up... He thinks I changed and all I did was open up..... I still at times have confrontation problems, at this time its trying to instill a proper Plan B when I have been in the past been a total weenie at it.... Gee, If I didn't care I could do this easy....<P>cozy <wondering if confrontation skills is another part of this growth process>
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Let's all shout together from the rooftops!<P>I'M MAD AS HELL AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!<P>Sorry for shouting. I just had to vent a little. My H has left me with the dirty work. I'm telling my daughter tonight.
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Rutger -<BR>I flip-flop like you do...One day I sincerely want out of this mess, the next I desperately want to save the marriage. I think that I am over the sex part of the affair(just one time). I can get past that. What I can't get past is the complete refusal to work on the marriage...
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My H has been gone 10 days - I definitely have started not to care! Maybe care isn't the right word, but I do feel that I deserve better. I also feel while I might not find someone after my H that loves anymore than he did, I will find someone who will love me better. Make sense?<P>That isn't what I want, but he has gone a little too far - I think it will take more now for me to take him back. <P>
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