I don't really know if I need advice because I've already kind of decided on how to handle this. Here are the facts:<P>This may get a bit involved but I hope it can be followed.<P>Today is my wife's payday. If you are at all familar with my story you know she says she wants to leave but feels trapped financially because neither of us can afford an apartment on our own. We agreed we needed to settle some debts first and accumulate some bit of a savings. Her pattern of late is to deposit her check in our account and keep a few hundred dollars for herself. I know she has opened an account of her own at another bank(she does not know I know this)and with this extra $ she is probably saving some and using some to buy things for her apartment if she moves (these things she is storing at a friends house) I am an employee at our bank so I have access to information about our account that most accountholders do not have. Well what she did today was go to another bank and cash her check, then go to our bank and deposit $1002.26 in cash. Odd amount huh? What she is trying to do is make me believe she deposited her whole check into our account or conceal the amount of her check (it fluctuates) What she needs to see is that if she wants to leave sooner rather than later she shouldnt be keeping even more secrets from me but being honest about how much she is making so she can convince me we can afford what she wants to do. I mean why the odd deposit, why not $1000 even if it is not designed to hide something.<P>I want to confront her about this. Tell her if this is her plan it is a crappy one and she is keeping enough secrets from me and that adding more to the pile isn't helping. I want to tell her maybe I should keep a few hundred off of my paychecks and put it in a secret account to protect myself. But you know what would happen if I did that? Bills would not get paid. So I bust my [censored] to pay OUR bills while she secretly builds herself a nestegg to walk out on her family. Irony is, by doing so, she is delaying her actual departure. What happened to the woman I knew. The person I honestly believed was the most honest person alive now considers lying and sneaking around and frankly managing a whole secret life as routine. Unreal. <P>Believe it or not I have a great Plan A in place and as you can see the direction the tone of my comments are taking, confronting her has HUGE LB potential. So I have decided to zip it and when she says "I deposited $1002.26 today" I will respond with "OK thanks for telling me"<P>Venting here does help........but I would appreciate any comments on my approach. Plan A appropriate? Too soft? Is there any middle ground? I considered middle ground like "Why did you make a cash deposit today?" but I think things could spin out of control. This stuff is HARD, but I don't want to give up any ground, the inches are precious.<P>As always, you ALL are in my prayers and THANK YOU!

Just wanted to give you a little bumb to make sure everyone has the chance to respond before it falls off the page.<P> I think you should keep Plan A'ing and not let those LBs out on her. Yes what she is doing is wrong. Yes there should be limits to what you endure. But trust me when I tell you that your stock won't rise in her eyes if you LB and confront her. And, how do you know for sure she is doing this? At the very least have the proof to back up any confrontation. That won't make it any less of an LBer. In fact it will probably make it worse.<P> Just my 2 pennies worth, for what it's....<P> jd<p>[This message has been edited by jdmac1 (edited August 22, 2001).]