Blame this one on George W.<P>My W rec'd our tax rebate check at the house today. I was over picking up kids for the night (been separated 5 weeks). Wrote her the semi-monthly check, which she took without saying a word, then she pulled out the rebate check made out to us both. Asked me to deposit half and half in our accounts.<P>Before my brain could act, my mouth said "so why should it be half and half?" Our incomes are very disparate-an issue for her, ratio is about 3:1. She shot back "single people get $300" Fortunately, my brain intervened and stopped me from saying "so, you're single now?" I agreed to deposit in my account, and wrote her a check for $300 on the spot. Said i was only joking, she said i didn't sound like i was joking. That was about the end of the conversation. Clear, bonehead LB.<P>Well, i called later when i knew she was out, left voicemail that i had thought about what i said, it was curt and rude, and i was sorry for saying it, and sorry for playing the 'just joking' game (something we have talked about, and i am trying to give up).<P>An apology like that is out of character for me-she will probably be surprised to hear it. Hopefully, it is showing her some positive change. i'll be curious to see if she mentions the message.<P>All in all, could have turned out much worse. Maybe i really am making some changes for the better.

Anb3,<P>Well sounds like you took a lemon and turned it into lemonade. Maybe a bit more sugar to sweeten the pot next time. <P>This no LB stuff is hard at times. Does pay off, but the difficulty is that the WS's tend to fight you but expect you to read their minds when they can't even make up their minds. Vicious cycle? We call it a rollercoaster ride. <P>Anyway keep plugging along. I think you have the hang of it, just the applying part gets hard sometimes. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

Orchid thanks for the reply.<P>Update:<P>She was coming in from running this AM as i was dropping kids off. Kids went inside, said she wanted to talk to me for a minute. We did, she said she had gotten the message, thanked me, and asked why I had gotten mad. She wanted to engage me on this. i answered her that i honestly did not know what made me mad (the truth at that time). But i repeated my sincere apology about saying what i did, and she said "well, change does not happen overnight"<P>Wow-she does notice at least some change! We parted on very good terms. I just sent her e-mail telling her I believe i got mad because she did not say 'thank you' for the semi-monthly check. i set up an expectation and when it was not met i reacted. Told her it had everything to do with me, nothing to do with her. Told her i was learning how my expectations had caused problems over the years.<P>Also told her she looked great. Something about seeing your (untouchable) wife in running shorts and a jog bra, covered in sweat. But i digress.<P>Maybe a little too much relationship talk, but also a great chance to demonstarte my desire and effort at change.<P>We'll see what her response is, if any. I am going to leave her alone now until i next see her to pick up the kids.<p>[This message has been edited by ANB3 (edited August 22, 2001).]

Update:<P>Probably went too far w/ the e-mail. No reply today, about 99% sure she saw it. I'll see if she mentions it when i see her next.<P>Oh well, live and learn. Should have taken what she gave this morning and been satisfied.

Serendipity.<P>i never received a reply to the e-mail talked about above. Told myself not to expect one either, but i allowed myself to be a little disappointed.<P>Well, tonight i was driving to an Al-Anon meeting. A song came on the radio that made me think of W-in a good way. i cranked it up, was rocking and feeling good. I felt strong, solid.<P>Came to a stoplight and who was in front of me but my W. i passed her and waved, then went on and stopped at 7-11 to get a soda. She pulled in too, said hello. On her way to Her AA meeting.<P>We both went in, and she said 'thanks for the e-mail. I realy appreciated it, and what you said was exactly right. Bought her a drink, we went outside and went our ways. A really nice moment. We connected just a little. She looked great, and i told her so, and i think she saw the good place i was in.<P>Maybe a baby step. I had the urge to e-mail her in the morning and say nice to see you, but i'll leave her alone.<P>Somebody on high put us both at that 7-11.

^<BR>