<P>My W and I have been going to couple counseling for almost three months. She is the WS, and is definitely not sure what she wants to do right now. I was wondering if continuing couple counseling will do us any good....<P>She feels like she has nothing else to say. We have talked through the reasons for our problems prior to the A, reasons for the A, what we are both looking for from each other, lots of good, contructive stuff. <P>I guess the counselor has been trying to help us reconcile, but W does not know what she wants yet. In a way, that has been making my W upset, that she is being pushed towards giving up the OM and coming back to me.<P>In a possible answer to my own question, maybe we can go and continue to dig and find out what we are looking for from each other, and what mistakes we each have been making in our marriage. We may not exactly work on getting us together now, but maybe we can continue to learn from each other.<P>

arthur...<P>You are in a tough place.<P>When I first confessed to my wife about my affair (internet and and strong emotional bond)...I found my life reeling. I got myself straight into counseling. There was much anguish and tears. Problem was...I think I was more into a "damage control" mode...than really wanting to get things right. Much of my tears and pain...was the result of pulling away from the woman whom I fell in love with.<P>It is hard...to seperate everything. Yet...doing nothing at all...is not healthy. If she is willing to continue the counseling...keep it up. In my case...it never seemed to work for my wife to join in the sessions. I've struggled pretty much on my own. But counseling will bring 'truth'....and 'light' to the situation. And I am a believer in the fact that it is the 'truth...that sets us free'. Don't give up.

I understand how you feel. My H has made 2 attempts at the counseling when he wasn't sure. Of course, he TOLD me he was sure, but I found out later, he wasn't. He's moved home now and we are in the same boat. He's still not sure. He keeps finding ways to cancel the counseling. We have another session scheduled for next Wednesday, we'll see. I'm of the opinion that eventually they either end it with OP or you. The counseling brings things out regardless.

My H and I are in counseling again due to his affair with my former best friend. What works for us right now is, I go, then he goes, then we go together, I go, he goes, etc. It gives us time to work on ourselves and doesn't make me feel too rushed to forgive and make everything better immediately. I really like it that way, better than going every week together. It also gives us a chance to vent to counselor without hurting the other person!

Arthur,<P>I am in a very similiar state. My WS is confused and can't commit to taking the necessary steps towards saving our marriage. She insists on continuing to see the OM while I wait her out with Plan A. We have received individual counseling to this point and my counselor tells me that we can't really address any reconciliation until she's willing to permanently end the affair. <P>In the meantime I continue to try to meet her ENs and eliminate the LBs while she enjoys the best of both her worlds. It's only been a month and there does seem to be some hope. The OM is putting more pressure on her to leave me and the kids and move in with him while I sit back as the ever faithful and loving H. It's extremely difficult at times but I'm in it for the long haul. <P>I think the best you can hope for is to continue individual counseling until she's ready to make a decision. At least you'll learn to cope with your feelings and be better prepared to handle the divorce if it ends up going that way.<P>Good luck to you.<BR>This sitting in limbo sure stinks!<P>Lonely Boy

Thanks for the comments...<P>Just a quick update...<P>now my WW has decided that our couple counselor can kiss her behind...<P>The last time we went, the counselor pushed her hard, saying that she has to chose, she has to do this, she has to do that, etc.... My W is very stubborn, and just wants to fight the counselor... by fighting the counselor's advice, she is in turn fighting me.<P>So, couple counseling is out. Like lonelyboy said, I am not sure if we can work on reconciling as long as she is not committed to trying, and is seeing OM.<P>Plan A it is! <P>By the way, this is by no means easy, but I feel great knowing that the work I am doing now on myself is going to help me no matter how my marriage ends up. That is the one positive I can look to now, and I am really putting myself into becoming a better person.<P>