How long does it take before you start to realise that you are probably better off without them if they love someone else surely its better to let go but i just dont know how.<BR>My is not the man i married that man cared how i felt dried my tears loved his kids and was my rock, he once said in the words of a song i was the wind beneath his wings, im still me but he has been taken over by some cold hard stranger who cares about nothing but himself and OW.<BR>Why cant he see what he is doing, ive lost a stone and am now 7stone and skinny (never was more than 8) his comment most people put on weight with age but you lose it( nothing to do with him!!)<BR>How can anyone be so loving and say they have got everything they could ever want and then 3 months later start another A and be so callous for so long.<BR>If he loves her that much why not just get the hell out of our lives.<BR><P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

Lizzle<P>I wish you hadn't mentioned Wind Beneath My Wings, that was one of the songs at our wedding. <P>The best way to let go is to just let go. Start making plans for your life based only on what you want to do with it. Tell yourself that he's never coming back. What would you do if that happened? Say as of today you are single again. Now what?<P>I can only speak for me, but today I came to the realization that I don't NEED my wife in my life. I can do just fine without her. But, I WANT her in my life. I can't speak for everyone but getting to this point has made things easier for me. <P>I no longer expect her to do the things she used to do, because I do most of them now. I lost my job yesterday and normally my wife would be there to comfort my pain. But not this time and I'm doing just fine today. The world didn't end because she's not here. It just keeps going. But I am able to direct where it goes. You can too.<P>I didn't mention this on the other thread, but I've been watching a BBC show called <I>As Time Goes By</I>. I thought about it when I saw that you were a secretary from the UK. Great show! <BR><p>[This message has been edited by sad_but_true (edited August 25, 2001).]

Time for another cyber hug!<P>(((((((((((((lizzle))))))))))))))))<P>Well, as you know, lizzle, I'm new at this, too...but I'm a little bit ahead of you and so I can say you WILL feel a bit better soon. OH, how it hurts, though. <P>THINK, though, he is in a fog...he thinks only for himself. Cold hard fact. My h was the world's best father. He has seen the kids a total of four hours a week since he left. I told him he was cutting himself off from his kids...he said "I know." Alien invasion...that is NOT my man.<P>But I love him and I want him back and I will do anything, ABSOULTELY anything to get him back. And the plan A here seems to be a great start. He is noticing, I am sure, how I react to him...and he is trying to get me to react negatively, pushes all the buttons, but I have only LB'd twice in seven weeks. I show him the best I can of me in every way I know. I bet OW has done it more than that!!!<P>If you've read my reply on the other post, I was talking about senses, advice I got from a friend over in D/D. Last Sunday, I did it all great, and he actually had a conversation with me, asked me not to leave the room when I said I would, gave me the up and down three times that I KNOW of, and it was great to see that I could still have an effect on him. Try it lizzle, it will boost you...really it will!!!<P>I know you are in such an incredible amount of pain now, and I just want to say that everyone here is going to support you and they will boost you up every time you need it. They will listen to you when you need to vent, so you don't do it to your h, and they will help you become a better you. WE are here for you....the people here have saved my sanity so much since my split....I don't know what I would have done without them. Rely on this site for your vents and LB's...and just show ytour husbands all the wonderful things about you that he has forgotten.<P>Take care.<P>Nina.<P>

Hi Sad im so sorry you lost your job i hope you find another soon.<BR>Your ref to secretary in as time goes by brought a huge smile to my face thankyou for that it takes a lot these days.<BR>Hope the memory of that song didint hurt to much sorry if it did.<BR>big hugs ((((((Sad))))))<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

I had a voice mail from a recruiter when I got home. Word gets around pretty quick. I'll be back to work in no time. I'm not worried about it anyway.<P>Don't worry about the song. I picked it out because it meant something to me. As if I were singing it to my wife. I may have to learn the words and sing it to her sometime. Yeah, that's an idea!

For me......I started to get over a few weeks ago.<BR>I've finally come to the conclusion that I have to let go....for my own sanity.<P>To start to get over it......you have to ride the roller coaster of emotions long enough. You have to hear over and over that you are not the one that they want. You have to be humiliated over and over again.....and finally you just have to say.....I don't deserve this ****......and just get over it. That's what I've done.<P>I've decided that he's made the bed he's in and now it's time for him to lie in it. I WILL NOT take him back.<BR>I know for a fact that I CANNOT forgive him for the things that he has done to me over and over.....fog or no fog.<BR>The way I see it is.....he's 30 years old....he's old enough to have a right frame of mind and have his priorities in the right place......but for some reason they aren't. Mine are so it's time for me to move on.

So sorry you have had enough Miss Priss i dont know your story so im not sure how long you have suffered.<BR>My H is 43 i dont think the age of them makes a differance in the begining when i used to LB, 14 long moths ago i threw at him that he was a grown man acting like a lovesick teenager, water off a ducks back!!<BR>I hope with all my heart you are ok sending hugs to you<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else