thanks so much for your input,I think you are right about planb and him leaving he says he in leaving in mid-sept. but I am still going to plan B with him in the house he is never here anyway. how long is your H a cop? nothing bad about cops but my H became a different person he is not the man I married. he shows no guilt for A as far as I can see and I know he ended the A but some things have led me to believe he is still in contact. He is not remorsful either. Which I can not understand I guess he really is not in love with me. that is so hard to swallow. Also what you said about cops and them being controlling and manipulative is so true those were things in him I never saw until he became a cop. Please I mean no offense to cops I am just using my experience with my H. To tell you the truth I don't think we have achance unless he does leave, does that sound crazy?? but I don't see any other way, he needs to see what he is giving up, and I am tired of catering to him. Thanks for your thoughts Sally

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sad Sally:<BR><B>thanks so much for your input,I think you are right about planb and him leaving he says he in leaving in mid-sept. but I am still going to plan B with him in the house he is never here anyway. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You are welcome! I feel bad for you, I've been where you are now and it is no fun. You have a long road ahead of you so use your energy wisely. You sounded very emotional in the other post I responded to and I can remember those days all too well. My H. wanted to leave several times and planned it several times but he never left. He really is moving out the beginning of September and we are either getting a legal separation or a divorce-not sure which one yet. He wants a separation and I am leaning toward a divorce. Please be sure to read up on Plan B and don't forget to write him a Plan B letter so he understands what you are doing and why you are doing it. If he really is leaving mid-September and if you can continue to do a good Plan A, I would do that until he leaves. Plan B is most effective when it is followed on the heels of a flawless Plan A (once he is gone and is alone to think without any contact with you, he will be thinking about your Plan A behavior). I want to reiterate that Dr. Harley does not promote Plan B while you are living in the same house.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sad Sally:<BR><B>how long is your H a cop? nothing bad about cops but my H became a different person he is not the man I married. he shows no guilt for A as far as I can see and I know he ended the A but some things have led me to believe he is still in contact. He is not remorsful either.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>H. has been in law enforcement of some kind for almost 10 years. I don't think the profession is what changed him, I think it was the affair. I do however think his profession allowed him to continue his affair and to not have feelings of guilt or remorse. If you think he is still in contact you are probably right. Most affairs die out slowly and don't end right away. I know my H. still had emails and phone calls going with OW after the PA stopped.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sad Sally:<BR><B>To tell you the truth I don't think we have achance unless he does leave, does that sound crazy?? but I don't see any other way, he needs to see what he is giving up, and I am tired of catering to him.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>It doesn't sound crazy at all, if I have it to do all over again I would have insisted that my H. leave after he confessed to the affair-but he stayed in the house and continued to have contact and did not work on the marriage at all. He committed and then uncommitted to me and the marriage at least three different times since January and since that time my love for him has died and I have no respect for him because he never tried. In retrospect, Plan B would have saved the little love I had left for him, I wouldn't be as exhausted from the whole situation and ready to have it over, and he probably would have had a huge wake up call.<P>You say your H. is leaving in mid-September, does he have a place to live? Do you really think he'll go through with it? Has he said this type of thing before and then backed down from it? I know it is hard but I would do everything to ensure that he does leave. I would also counsel with Dr. Harley ASAP and get a game plan in motion-that would be giving you the best chance to save your marriage!!<P>Good luck and my thoughts are with you!!<P><p>[This message has been edited by Wifeofcop (edited August 25, 2001).]

Sorry to jump in on your thread, but the wifeofcop user name caught my attention, and I just had to check. I was just wondering if your departments have chaplains and if you have made use of them?

jcandy,<P>I know my H's dept. does have a chaplain and H. claimed he talked to him (I think it was a lie though). My H. instructed me early on that he/me/we would not be involved with any counseling offered by the dept. or any assistance offered by the dept. because he feels it is not totally confidential. At the time H. told me this I was in Plan A so it would have been a big LB if I would have gone behind his back.<P>Are you in law enforcement? Why did my username catch your eye?

Hi, My H also has chaplin services and other counseling services thru his Dept, but refuses. He will not commit to any MC or therapy for himself. He is so stubborn and cannot see how therapy would help him I even suggested he go just for himself, but he refuses insisting that there is nothing wrong with him. I guess all WS think that way??? I will write soon Love Sally