do you spouses read your post?<BR>do they comment on them?<P>it seems no matter what i post about H says something negative about it.<BR>Basically he gets upset because i explain how I feel and how Im coping<BR>he says that i never tell you all what HES feeling or the Good things he does<P>my reply was this....<P>IF you want them to understand your side of the story post yourself.......(some may remember LoveonTheRox2 which was my H who posted once and got negative feedback and decided not to post again)<P>my second reply was ou dont tell me how youre feeling how can i explain to them when i dont know myself........<P>he had no response to this.<P>just wondering if Im the only one who has a spouse like this

LuvOnTheRox,<BR>I know for definate that my WS doesn't read any posts, or for that matter know that the site exists. I have been for a long time printing posts off to help myself, I have now started to print ones off from WS's to help her, trouble is I'm not sure what reaction I would get to giving her these.<P>I think your summary of your WS response is correct, if he doesn't feel that his views are being represented he should come on here and put the record straight!<P>mands

LUV,<BR>Yes my H(SEM) and I post. I tried to post as SEM's wife but I think it confused everyone. Sometimes we do together, sometimes apart. We try not to say negative things about eachother due to courtasey and respect. I post alot talking about how I feel and he reads them, whether he commits or not it's his decision, and if he does he talks about how he feels or his side of things. <BR>Dr. Harley says rapid honesty, so If you need to vent or talk about how you feel then you should be able to, and your H should be able to read it and commit. <BR>IMO i would ask him to try to be more positive, it would benifeit both of you. <BR>I have a problem being positive, so I try to and it makes a real difference. <BR>Good luck to you both. Sherry.

My W knows I have an internet support group I turn to for support, but doesn't know it's this site or that I post.<BR>I wouldn't feel confortable at this point for her to read my posts since there are many things I've posted about her A that she doesn't know that I know yet. If we get to the point of reconciling and radical honesty, I may introduce her to this site, but right now that would be controlling. However, I think it would help her greatly to hear from and confide in some of the WS's here. She's probably feeling very alone right now. <P>sad dad

My WH knows that I post here but he has never visited the site. Yesterday I showed him something that I posted on someone's thread, sorry i can't remember who's it was about spouses good points. After he read it he gave me a big hug and a kiss so I know that it had some kind of effect on him even if it was only momentarily.<BR>cybil

My ex does not read posts but the OW has and continues to check just about every day looking for something from me. We have been divorced now for 4 yrs.

My H read & posted here for about a month before our last reconciliation. He also said I didn't represent his viewpoint, plus he thought some of what I posted was wrong, incorrect, a lie. For me, every post was like a snapshot of how I was feeling that particular moment. It was just the way I saw things. And, I sometimes posted Plan A advice to people that I myself was either not or no longer doing.<P>Admittedly, our last separation was a very bad time, and since I didn't post everything that happened, some of what I posted read wrong to him, knowing what he did.<P>He also had the WS memory loss of some of his actions/words and since he DID want to reconcile then, he didn't want the reminders of our 6 failed reconciliations.<P>I don't know if he reads here or not anymore. He says he doesn't and has given it to me for a safe place to talk. I've said he can read or post on the board if he wants to. I'm far more postive these months than I was back then, about 1 1/2 years ago, but I don't know if he would think I was anymore accurate .<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

My H and I post on this board. A lot of times we will read the stuff together, he usually tells me to correct something that he feels is not quite right. Then we have to POJA and come up with a solution. My H is Sad_n_lonely. It is beneficial to see what the other is posting and feeling.<P>

no, he doesn't. I've mentioned this place to him once or twice. so he knows about it. I wouldn't mind him reading my posts. I think he would like this place, and would help move us toward recovery, if he would take the time to read and get to know you wonderful people.

I'm not sure if my XH does. Been seperated 16 mos, and in month 4 I gave my H the SAA book which has the URL in the back of book. I told him about the Website but I highly doubt he has ever visited. He's too wrapped up in his OW.<P>He's a very proud man, so to read what has happened to us in black in white from my viewpoint would be most painful for him. I'm sure he'd like to forget all about it and think of himself in an entirely different light. DENIAL at it's finest.

Thinker has read many of mine, and has caused numerous fights, but that seems to be how we do things. She likes the plan a, then clobber me approach, then plan a, then clobber me. But has gotten better. I say stuff here I know hurt's her like heck, but she needs to know the truth, and she won't let me tell her to her face (without serious LB, which too often leads to volatile confrontations). Although may seem odd, my #1 EN by far is emotional honesty. I have been frustrated for years cause she would not deal with my feelings, now she has too, probably one of the main reasons I feel no remorse.

My hubby doesn't read my posts because I have never told him about this website. I have talked about spy software that I installed on his computer so I sure don't want him reading my posts here! I should say that the spy software has proved to me that he is clean as a whistle and has really led to restoring the trust in our marriage.

No, my W wants nothing to do with site. She knows I post here and I have shown her stuff from time to time. However that is as far as she will go. I printed out the EN questionaire and asked her to fill it out. She just laughed and said no. I keep wanting to try and get her involved in this but won't push. Probably would be an LB in the beginning anyways. I don't need that right now.<P> jd

I just had to ask my H if he does or not. He doesn't. He knows about MB of course, I've done enough raving about it . <P>For the most part, I like that he doesn't feel the need to come on here (this keeps this my safe place for venting), however, I would like for him to be a poster one day as well... to help others in the healing process from a WS's point of view.<P>I do talk about MB a lot though. I've asked him his point of view on some situations that are posted, and I definitely share the fun stuff too.<P>I also feel that he's somewhat afraid to read any of my posts... at least the ones from when I first started here. There is a lot of pain, anger, resentment, etc on my part, and for him to read it, would probably hurt him more than he already is. Heck, "I" don't even want to read any of my old posts b/c they would only bring it all back.<P>Karen<BR>

Dear Luv,<BR>Sorry your husband is having a negative reaction to the discussion forum exchanges... Hmmmm, I have an idea? What if you browsed through all the letters that Dr. Harley has posted in his Q&A's as well as the articles and see if something interesting stirs you and share those with your H instead? <P>Your H might be taking it like you are trying to make him out to be the bad guy or pointing out things he needs to change? OR he might even be jealous of the friendships you are forming here????? I could be wrong, but mostly wondering if perhaps he would be more open to some Harley information of a general nature and not hitting so close to home (e.g., your posts re: your personal lives), at least at this stage in your recovery? Just a thought... I'm prayin' for ya!<P>To answer your question, the suggestion I gave you, is how my husband got interested in MB initially. We did the questionnaires as well as different articles on the concepts, and we would go on dates and take turns reading stuff. Bit by bit, he got to the point where he would ask if I had anything new from MB to share.<P>Then, when I first told him that I registered on the forums, he frowned at the whole idea and he REALLY hated my screen name. Said I was trying to sound like a know it all. I was more like, I have broken *all* the commandments and nothing surprises me anymore about human nature, and I cannot judge anyone, not that I know so much. After a while, he came to accept my involvement in the forums and even helped me through a tough time when things got inflammatory.<P>My H and I have raised my OC from an A that I had with a MM before I got married. That's my story in a nut. Soooo, having being 'out there' and now being married, I'm finding that whatever I did to get myself free from adultery as a single person, I have to KEEP doing now that I'm married. Temptation doesn't go away because the enemy knows our weaknesses, and it's like Harley says, people don't fall in love with someone other than their spouse because of not getting their needs met--it's because of not protecting themselves from their own weaknesses. So true!<P>I apologize to everyone here for not telling my story from the gate, just had to adjust to all the BS pain (& hatred toward OP's), and further realizing (reading in words) what my actions did to MMs wife since I never really met her--not to mention pain in OCs life growing up without a father, that is, until I got married. Still... <P>Affairs cause pain in every direction you look, pain that lasts for years and years and years--entire lifetimes and affect more than just one life! All that pain for one moment of pleasure. Believe me, it ain't worth it!