It took nine months of discussing old A, before truth came out about H current affair. I have been working on myself most of that time and PLan A the last two months since I have found this site. <P>Question - Counselor discusses getting off of the fence. We have discussed love,& honesty - he is in fog. He has also talk to OW about separating. She is such a caring christian lady?? She has told him if we separate H just can't come running to OW. H needs to decide what he wants. They have distanced(no-contact) themselves before for certain time frames and he always gets hyper towards the end and calls the OW because he told her he would. What do you make of this? Presently OW is married and has not been totally honest with spouse about her past A, just the current one. Or so my H tells me. OW's marriage is in worse shape than our's, plus she is a dotting grandma, and her last child just graduated. <P>During the no-contact times H with the OW, H is actually caring & at times I sense his love for me, but when they are calling each other he is totally in his own world.<P>He tells me when I ask about calling the OW. It hurt so bad when I inquired about the details. I now just ask, but I don't inquire about the details.<P>

EDITED: To protect the inocent! <p>[This message has been edited by sad_but_true (edited August 26, 2001).]

Hi E,<P>Don't worry you are not the first one who found an OW that is trying to plan A. Sometimes they wander over here from gloryb.com and try to pretend to want to help then go back to their site and plan A. <P>Let them. The reason why their version of plan A or B won't work is simple. They are not married to our spouses. They are just wanna be's. You know? Phonies. NOt the real thing. So their plans are not genuine. Yes, they try. They also try to be married to our spouses. Go to the hotel and register as Mr and Mrs. H_________. Go on vacations and restaraunts and pretend to be a family. Oh it makes me sick. But I gotta laugh, you know pretend pretend pretend. Fantasy land. <P>Ask for ID on both of them and then see if they are for real. Maybe some get fake ids? Wouldn't put it past an OW to do that. <P>So let them, you just take care of yourself and plan A or B as you need. You are in a real marriage not a make believe one. Can't move real furniture in a house that only exists in a dreamland state of mind. <P>L. <BR>PS: I have the OW a dose of reality (not recommended as a remedy), I sent a bag of H's dirty laundry. Know what OW did? Put poop in their (or told H that I did), then she had to wash it. Hm....... OW tried to do a reverse LB and make me look bad, but I was laughing too hard and OW was the one to either wash the poop or eat her words.... YUCK!!!<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited August 26, 2001).]

sad_but_true, <BR>You really gave me a start, I guess I put to much info in my profile - I learned my lesson. BTW you must have a speedy computer, you retrieved that info fast. My therpist told me to continue working on this site while H was present and since I have been holding all my pain in for ten months. I hadn't even told my closest friends of family. The kids knew we had been going to counseling since Oct. 2000 - just don't know why. Since you know our area you are aware it is a long trip twice a month or some times one a week.<P>Anyway, you post scared me so I went back and read your past posts. How are you doing? I think we both discovered the A about the same time June-July 2001, by that time I had read "everything" thinking I was just handling a past affair. One thing I did learn was to not make quick decisions, (I thought & heard much the same you had) when you are still in shock. Also from Oct. to June I did a lot of self improvement. H is currently real angry with the change. It reminded him that he still loves me, he was so ready just to DV and run. He even interviewed with another company and would have probably been gone in Apr. if he would have gotten the job.<P>

Sorry probably too much information in my post.<P>I know it's a long road ahead for most of us. But I do love my wife so I can wait her out.

Thanks sad_but_true, I'm was wondering about editing messages along with using symbols. smile? Thank - you big time! Yesterday afternoon MB was a life saver because my mind didn't wonder aimlessly. H did however and he was not worth a sh.., just laid around, I was okay because of lurking MB.<P>Orchid - I probably did a major LB if H finds out. Since JULy he has not "worked" late at night so the only time he calls the OW it at work. I have known where she has worked for quite a while. H is calling OW often. H is on fence and can't make decisionweeks ago, <P>Sad_but_true - Back in Aug.2001 I didn't think I could last past Aug., but after MB lurking I know I can Plan A for six months even if H moves out. Then it will be Plan B.<p>[This message has been edited by Exploding (edited August 30, 2001).]

Hi E,<P>Well if it is at the talk during work stage, then it for it to grow in to more of an A will require more effort on their part. NOw it will either grow or die out. A's are not stagnant. They move in either direction. Ow will either push for more or the WS will. See? That's why they can't plan A or B. They gotta do worse, otherwise where's the fun in fantasy land? They would get bored with each other because there is no history to recall. <P>I think you are still at an advantage here. Get prepared. <BR>Tough roads may be ahead but you have the benefit of being prepared. Sure wish I was. <P>L.<P>