I am new here, here is a little history of where i am at right now in my life. My wife and I were high school sweethearts. We basically grew up together. We dated for 8 yrs and we got married 2 yrs ago. I am currently taking over a family business, she is finishing up her third yr of law school. We have now seperated about three weeks ago. She said that i am not emotionally there for her, i dont listen to her feelings and we just dont get along. I agreee with her 100%, because that is the way i feel too. We never spend time together and we are more like roomates than husband and wife. After we split, i found her email where she had been emailing a man that she works in the same field as she. They had met on a trip that was planned for us to go to, and we decided that it would be best not to fake our problems around everyone else(business trip). When she got back, she told me that she wanted to move out and for us to go to counseling to gether. I agreed, hard to do but i did. We scheduled a session the next day and it didnt work with her or my schedule because the counselor could only see us every other week. We found another refered by a coworker of my wifes, and it bombed too. The scheduling worked but the lady told us that we could not do counseling without living and working together. It was devistatiing, because that gave my wife the idea that this just wasnt going to work. Later on that nite is when i found the emails and i confronted my wife the next day after one of my personal counseling sessions. She denied it, saying that they were friends etc , bklah blah blah. I had proof and wanted to talk and was ready to just give it up totally. SHe called me back, and said it wasnt as it seemed. They just had alot in common and had met at the trip and were talking. SHe also spent the nite and had dinner, she couldnt explain, she just locked up. We had a talk a few days later, she didnt want to talk about any of that, i did. I wanted to know why etc. She left mad. She doesnt think i will change my ways or habits that has gotten us where we are at. I cannot trust her, and have caught her in amny lies since then, and see the cell phone #'s thatshe has called since all this has happened. I called and confronted the guy, and wanted to know what was up. He said they were just friends anfd that he wasnt going to be someones excuse for breaking up a marriage. I was ready to break his neck. I have since given up calling her, sending her flowers, trying to show that i love her and basically am in deep emotional shock. I cannot function daily, while she comes and gets things from the house and lives with her mother. I do not want a divorce, but i do not know how i can ever trust her again after or if we ever get back together. I can not believe that they are just friends, she won't even talk to her own best friends about all this and has fallen off the face of the earth with them. What should i do, give up, give in,walk away, keep trying,let faith and god take me the right way, i am lost!! HELP!

Hi Sadguy and welcome to MB!!! I don't really have time to chat now, but I didn't want to see your post drop off.<P>Basically, the short answer is to read everything you can on this website about marriagebuilding and post, post, post. Your marriage is NOT worth giving up on, not yet.<P>I am so sorry for the pain you have had to endure! <P>HbH

I know I'm definately not the right person to give advise or help because right now, I'm separated - have been for a little over a month. My husband left me stating I caused stress in his life. He did make the decision that we needed counseling and we did go to our first session last week. He told the therapist that he is confused and doesn't know if he wants to come back or not. I keep thinking, why are we going to counseling then because to me it doesn't seem like he's going there with the thought of wanting to make this marriage work but to make up his mind about us. Anyway, we don't live in the same house right now, he's at his parents and I'm in our house. My husband only contacts me by telephone if he needs something. We do nothing together since he has been gone. I made the comment to the counselor about how is this going to work if we don't spend time together. She said it has to be gradual, that we need to make a "date night" and do something fun together and not talk about our marital problems. So tomorrow night we are going out and doing something. My husband also had a problem with lying to me about things. I've learned that I need to put all those things behind me and start fresh. I know its hard to do but past problems in the present only cause more problems (if you know what I mean).<P>I know its hard, I am having a hard time dealing with this separation. I don't know from one day to the next if my husband is going to want a divorce or want to come back home. I'm learning right now that I need to keep my distance and not pressure him or upset him because the more I do it, the further I'll push him away. Keep your chin up because I'm trying to deal with this and I'm praying everyday that things work out for my husband and I. I hope the same goes for you.

Hi SadGuy,<P>I am so sorry that you are struggling. I can hear the pain in your message and I can see how much you care and love your wife. I agree with another member. read all you can on this site it will help.<P>I am a new member to. Just today in fact. My husband had a similar situation with a woman at his job. But my husband went a little farther than your wife. He had phone, email and physical contact. <P>I think you should conitnue trying. reach out to her if you really love her. write her a letter telling her how you can change yourself and your relationship. If you had the love before you can find it again. My H and I have been togehter the same amount of time as you two. Keep trying is my advice. <P>My Husband came back after a few weeks to try and make it work. WE are in 8months of recovery. It is so hard but it is worth it. <P>Hoep I helped a little. Sorry you are so sad. So am I.<P>Katerbear

I agree with alot of what you all are saying. It is just really really hard right now and we all know how that feels. My life is in limbo right now. We are in the middle of house buying and we have 60 days to get out of the house right now we are in. She doesnt want to talk, but she comes by for no other reason sometimes and then leaves. I have quit trying to contact her starting last nite when i found another lie that she stated over the weekend. I am so hurt and can cry no longer. We were inseperable, now we are seperated, why is it so hard??

Believe me I understand, you are buying a house and you are sparated. It is like life is moving forward and the two of you have stopped. My H and I are having a baby. Life coninued to move on for us in a big way before our troubles started. YOu want to try with all your strnght to give a little. It sounds like her stop overs might be reaching out ot you. <P>Maybe just a small gesture today or an expression of sadness to her. REmind her of what you had and what your potential is as a couple. <P><BR>I know it is so hard.<P>KAterbear<P>------------------<BR>