Hi All,<BR>I have read and read posts and finally I am posting myself. <BR>Just reading makes me feel not so alone!<BR>My H and I had a great marraige. I was so content and happy. We seemed to be in still in married bliss after four years. Never in a million years would I think he was capable of betraying the one person he loved most in the world. Well he did! The A started in a training session She lived halfway across the country. He said nothing happened in training but after training they emailed and phone called constantly. He said it grew more and more inappropriate as time went by. I censed his distance immediatly. Well another training session came up and it became physical. one week they had together in hotel rooms ect. He came home after his A and training and that night made love to me. Well, right now I am nine months pregnant. <P>I found some emails the day after the A and the day after I concieved. D-Day!<P>Before we found out I was Pregnant he would not come running back. HE could not imagine never talking to her. He was ready to book a flight leave this marriage and start a new relationship with this woman he had known for 2 months. I was devastated. still am. I found out I was preg.He said he did not want a baby and felt I was just holding on to him. Then he changed his mind he was pulled by the baby to try and make it work. That was 3 weeks after training and the A.<P>WE are in recovery it has been 8 months. He says all the right things. Has not contacted her since Feb and says that he really can not live his life without me he would fall apart. He wants to grow old with me. I have trouble believing in him. I believe he has underlying feelings for her that he thinks about her and still cares for her. He says the A is now such a horrible time for him and he never thinks of her fondly. <BR>I convince myself otherwise. Is he just here for the baby? He has done everything right but I just can't accept this, move on and be happy about a bright future. I am so frightented by the past. It haunts me every hour of every day. How do I ease the pain? How do I ease my fears?<P>

Hi Katerbear,<BR>I am new here myself...just started posting last night. Yes, he had the A but please for your sake and your marriages sake, accept what he is doing to make things right between the two of you again...FORGIVE HIM and move on for all soon to be three of you! There is no effidence that he has continued contact with OW? Right? and yes, he may still have some feelings for her but has the two of you reconnect and look forward....OW will be a distant memory and please, please don't let resentment build in you and let it come out later and distroy the progress you have made. Read everything you can on this site and pay close attention to the Honesty stuff. Tell him how you are feeling and let him know you are struggling right now and need reassurance that things are going to be OK. If you can't forgive him on your own, ask God to give you the strength you need to do it.....consider yourself blessed that he is trying to work things out with you....don't let resentment/hurt keep you from moving past this. Don't let the fear of this kind of thing happening again keep you from being happy. Let go of the fear along with the uncertainty and move forward....looking forward to that baby's arrival!!!! Keep posting......<P>------------------<BR>always-faith4us

I can feel your pain. My H had an affair with my ex best friend. It happened almost 6 years ago but I've only known the truth for 2 months. It's devastating to think that 2 people I loved so much could do this. I'm sleeping on the couch and remodeling another bedroom, found out they were in MY BED which breaks my heart. He's trying very hard to be kind and understanding with my pain. I also have an underlying fear that I'm 2nd best and he's only with me cuz she broke it off. She left a lot of open doors too, saying they could be together in another time and place. This from the girl whose wedding I was matron of honor in 6 months before.<P>Your H is probably still somewhat caught up in the excitement, fog of the affair. It makes them do terribly hurtful things that we can't forget but they do quickly. My H can't believe some of the things he said to me and feels really bad about it.<P>I would really advise counseling. If you don't resolve this now, it will be much harder to work thru later. I AM A LIVING EXAMPLE OF THAT. I really resent that he lied for so long and exposed me to the threat of stds. I hope you've been tested. 2 of my close friends each got several diseases from their H's affairs.<P>I really hope that you will read the book Torn Asunder. It does a wonderful job of explaining what we go thru and how we need to heal. It says we HAVE to grieve, be angry, etc. cuz if we don't, it will destroy us inside. There is also a GREAT article called Shattered Vows by Psychology Today. It's on the findarticles.com website. Somebody said it can be hard to find but it's well worth reading. It really helped my H to see why I had to express my feelings and fears and why I needed to know some of the details. For me, my imagination was often worse than the facts.<P>I will pray for you and your marriage. Consider counseling, it does wonders!

Hi KB,<P>Welcome to marriage builders. This site is dedicated to helping those who are interesting in restoring or recovering their marriage. <P>I would like to give you this welcome package that contains the basic information available here at marriage builders (MB). <P> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html[/url]</A> <P>You have an advantage over many here. Your H is working with you. Please recognize your benefits and learn how to improve your marriage. This is a benefit which works best if both mates participate. You also have a new one on the way and you are probably very uncomfortable right now. Your body will be going through many changes and hormones swing moods enough to move mountains. Coupled with all this you and your H are recoverying from an A. <P>Please remember this when reading the material. You can also post here to share a thought, vent or ask a question. <P>Take care and best wishes on a good recovery. <P>L.<P>