Reasons to be encouraged:<P>1. The wonderful and uplifting stories on here from people in recovery<P>2. My W hasn't admitted A, the reasons could be many:<P>a) she is protecting me (or thinks she is) from getting hurt<P>b) the A goes against her core values and beliefs, admitting it means she has betrayed these same values and beliefs that defined who she is and what she stood for <P>c) guilt <P>3. She hasn't left or filed for D (in spite of talking about it for months); Her actions (or inaction) speak louder than her words; Something is keeping her from filing<P>4. I was fortunate to meet someone on-line who helped educate me on affairs. This was prior to d-day or finding MB. He helped me understand that getting angry, yelling, crying, begging, pleading, blaming, manipulating, reasoning, etc. would not only make things worse. He helped me to look at myself and the problems in my marriage, take responsibility for my share of those problems and for helping create the conditions that made my W's affair possible. I was able to begin making changes in myself well before d-day.<P>Reasons to be discouraged:<P>1. My W hasn't admitted the A, which could mean she doesn't trust me enough to be honest or have enough faith in me to understand (I know, I used this above also!)<P>2. We are closer to D than recovery<BR> <BR>3. Contact with OM is continuing, to what degree or frequency, I don't know<P>4. W doesn't believe the changes I've made so far are real or permanent, thinks I'm just on my best behavior (or at least she won't admit to me that they are real)<P>5. Leaving (either of us) is not an option because of potential custody ramifications; Plan B or a legal separation are not options as long as we live together; D is not an option for me (not yet). I really have no options.<P>These are just some of the many thoughts going through my head lately. Comments welcome.<P>sad dad<p>[This message has been edited by sad dad (edited August 29, 2001).]
