I'm new to the bullentin board, but have been lurking for quite some time now. Brief history, married 12 years 2 kids ages 6 and 2 and been seperated for 1 year. I asked H to leave 1 year ago after hearing, I love you, but not in love with you, would not try counseling. I had a gut feeling he was involved with someone from work and this past April the affair was exposed (Her H and I went to his house to confront them). H has still will not admit to me that he is seeing her (tells me she is a friend). The kids reside with me and he gets them every other weekend and 1 night during the week. I have had the kids for Memorial Day (he went away with her), Fourth of July (again he went away with her, but he states he wanted the kids for the 4th, but I wouldn't let him have them) he wanted to pick the kids up at 5:00pm and return them to me at 8:00 am the following morning. So the kids stayed with me. Well here is my question, this weekend is my weekend and he wants the kids Friday night and I told him how about Sat. since I have to get ready for their b-day party which is Sun. he says no he has plans. I asked if he was planning on taking them on Monday, again he said no he has plans. So finally I said you can take them on Friday, but cannot return them until Saturday at 3:00, because I have things to do Saturday morning and was planning on taking the kids. He said no I have plans at 1:00. I think he is planning on going away again with OW and he wants the kids on Friday to ease his guilt, (he tells S he never has money to do anything with him) should I give in and let him take them and change my plans for Saturday?? Son's b-day party in on Sunday and he asked H are you coming and H said I just can't, I just can't. I guess this is bothering me because we went to mediation regarding custody (could not reach an agreement) and he went in saying he does not have enough time with his kids. Sorry for the vent.

Wow, sorry your H is being such a poop. DO NOT GIVE IN. Let him figure his crap out for himself. If you have plans for Saturday, that's it. End of story. If he can't rearrange his schedule to accommodate his guilt, the OW, or WHATEVER, that's his problem. Do it YOUR way.

Are you in plan A or plan B?<P>Have you tried assertive communication? (Wayward spouse in a fog generally does not respond to that, but it is still a good idea to practice - helps to create honesty in the relationship)<P>When (you interrupt my plans) I feel (disregarded and re-hurt about the affair) I need (you to respect our visitation schedules and protect our children from your affair)<P>Of course try and explain how you feel with love. Boundaries are important, but this is sounding more like a power struggle than boundaries. <P>I hope some other posters jump on and interject their opinion.<P>TnT