My 15th anniversary is tomorrow, the 31st. I talked to my wife about it Monday night and she'd just as soon forget it. The routine since D-day has been she goes out until 3 a.m. Thursday and Saturday nights, and I golf on Friday nights. I'm going to golf as usual tomorrow and then take the kids out somewhere Saturday evening. There's no point staying home tomorrow night, and she'll just get irritated.<P>For a gift, I got a Swarovski crystal angel. The traditional 15th anniversary gift is crystal, and my wife loves angel paintings, angel calendars, angel candles, angel soap bars, angel anything. She may not be comfortable that I got her anything, but I wanted to. I spent a comparable amount of money on her birthday present, also since D-day, and that was okay.<P>The card is also tricky. Most of those in the store are not worded right for the situation, and would not go over well with my wife. I found a more generic card (i.e., not marked "H to W" or "W to H" and the words seem appropriate.<P><B>Front of Card</B><P>"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." (1 Corinthians 13:7-8)<P><B>Inside</B><P>"Wishing you a wonderful day and many more years of love."<P><B>And finally, what to write inside</B><P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Dear (W),<P>Happy anniversary. I think we'll both be more comfortable spending the time with our separate friends today and tomorrow. I'd very much like to do more, but it's not possible right now. I don't want to say too much and make you feel uncomfortable, but maybe I can at least list a few reasons why I still love you and want you.<P>- You look fantastic with your diet and exercise program and your new clothes.<P>- You spend a lot of time with our kids and arrange things for them.<P>- You're showing an interest in my work and hobbies.<P>- You're decent enough to try sparing my feelings, and to make a more comfortable environment here at home.<P>- I admire your ability to lead things at TOPS and Cub Scouts, even when times are rough here at home.<P>- You're very smart.<P>We do share a lot of important values. I hope that you'll choose to come back, and that we'll have a chance to work on our marriage.<P>Love always,<P>Tom<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>What do you think?

tmmx,<BR>Maybe you shouldask your W, if she would like to do something.<BR>I am the WS, and I would be hurt(even though I hurt him)if he did't do anything with me. Sometimes just the two of us a lone is so rewarding. We try to get away once a week. We go hiking, to the movies, share our hobby time together. something to think about. Good Luck. Sherry

Okay, you're right, I should ask again tonight. Even if she says no, she'll know I asked. Thanks.

Tmmx,<BR>Good. ANd stay positive, stad by her side. No LB ok. <BR>I do like what you wrote. Maybe later you can make a list of what you like and love about her. Everybody needs to be reimded of their great qualites. (got that from a thread from MB) Good Luck. Sherry

My H gave me that same card for our anniversary, which was kind of funny to me, since he was the WS. I was thinking "did he EVEN READ this card?" I think that while you said in your note that you didn't want to make her uncomfortable, the things that you wrote might make her feel just that. I'd keep it very simple (like the card). Maybe just something like: despite what we're going through, I couldn't let this important day go by unnoticed and unacknowledged. I love you, ______. Just my opinion.

[duplicate of the one below]<BR><p>[This message has been edited by tmmx (edited August 30, 2001).]

Thanks to both of you. I went back-and-forth on a simpler message like Myownme's vs. the list. Is the list an LB? Would it be better to leave out parts of it, or maybe the last paragraph? Even off-the-cuff reactions might be helpful.<P>On the "date", my W is still out but I have a plan, going to DQ with the kids. It may not sound like much, but she loves DQ so much it'll be totally amazing if she says no. I wish she wanted to spend time alone with me, but she doesn't right now, it's obvious she's not comfortable. Been thinking about it all evening and this is the best I can come up with. Yeah, it's sad.<P>- Tom

tmmx,<BR>That doesn't sound bad. That's better than no where.<BR>Maybe you could bring her some flowers or roses to D.Q as well. Much luck.Sherry

I love the card you picked out. Perfect for the situation. <P>If you decide to stay with the list:<P>1. Instead of the 1st paragraph, simply say "A few of the reasons I love you:". The original paragraph is full of "daggers". <BR>2. Don't list the diet thing first (list it, but NOT first)<BR>3. Drop the words "decent enough" - simply say "you try to spare my feelings and make a comfortable environment at home.<BR>4. I totally understand the sentiment behind the last paragraph (I'm the BS), but it sounds too needy (a bad thing). Just simply end the list with "Love always" or "Happy Anniversary". <P>Only other suggestion I have is that maybe, regardless of current situation, she's really hoping that you acknowledge this anniversary. Anniversaries take on a special meaning post-A. I wouldn't assume that she doesn't want you to plan anything special. I think I would arrange for childcare, make a nice dinner reservation, tell her you would like to have dinner with her (without sounding needy), and act strong (unsurprised, not angry, no guilt) in the event that she turns you down. If she doesn't turn you down (yayy), go to dinner, keep conversation light, reflect on past anniversaries or very early memories if the situation feels right, and then (important) pick the kids up after dinner so that she doesn't think the whole night is about sex - a strings-attached night. <P>You can't imagine what a similar situation I've just come through. The day before my 15th anniversary (7/01), I knew we were either getting together to end things or make a new beginning. Luckily it was the latter.

tmmx, <P>Did you ask her? Keep us posted.<P>AB

Well, she seemed to like the angel a lot. Not one word about the card. I went with the list modified like AB suggested, also dropped the first and last paragraphs. She was really tired today, but she was pretty nice to me.<P>She was going to come to DQ, but then backed out at the last minute. Said she had already eaten too much today.<P>This probably doesn't sound all that good, but I think it went okay. She rarely acknowledges anything I do, but I think it has an effect. We have some things planned with our kids this weekend.<P>Thanks for all your suggestions. I think my first version of the card would have been a mistake.<P>- Tom

tmmx,<BR>I'm so glad it went as well as it did. Even though it wasn't perfect, you have a lot to celebrate (as you mentioned). Just being together on this special day is big at this point. I hope you have a great! weekend. <P>AB