This is an offering of PEACE and LOVING REGARD to you. <P>Directed directly only to you, from me. You come here only to read, you never respond, never post.<P>Its okay...<P>Come out of the shadows and say hello.<P>That's all..<P>You don't have to say anything else but just hello. If you want to say more.. go ahead. <P>I just want you to say Hello. I'm here, I exist, I lurk.<P>Don't worry about the spelling errors, the typing.. don't worry about the language barriers, the beliefs or the embarrassment you feel for the postion, that you are in.<P>First I offer my condolences and huggs to you. I know that you are most likely in a place where you can't speak your mind yet, from your heart.. its too hard, your scared, you feel alone and you don't know what to say. <P>Regardless,...<BR> Are you the betrayed spouse?<BR> The wayward spouse?<BR> The other person?<P>Or are you the caring, loving friend? <BR> The son, daughter, mother, father or friend of one of those three people involved in an affair.. alcholism, abuse.. which ever? <P>I want you to know that we are here to help you overcome your feelings...<P>whether it be: of posting.. being ashamed, handling the guilt and all the emotions you are feeling of being alone.<P>Your human, your vunerable, your not alone... My God, how can I tell you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.<P>No matter what you are here for, and no matter the reasons you lurk, I am here for you.<P>I just want you to say hello. Register above, if you don't know how.. call the Marriage Builders office for assistance and get a member name. If you need an email address other than your actual one.. you can use <A HREF="http://www.hotmail.com" TARGET=_blank>www.hotmail.com</A> <A HREF="http://www.yahoo.com" TARGET=_blank>www.yahoo.com</A> and many others. You'll always be anonymous and no one will know who you are.<P>Come on... Just say hello... <P>------------------<BR>Semper Fi,<P><B>Husband2You</B><BR>*****<BR><I>···In the valley of the blind the one eye'd man is King···</I><P>· E-mail: <B> husband2you@petroleum.org </B> · ICQ: <B><A HREF="http://wwp.icq.com/1206499" TARGET=_blank>1206499</A></B> · Formerly: <B>E m p t y</B> ·

Sorry Husband im not a lurker, i just thought that was such a lovely post i had to respond.<BR>I know when i first found MB i was scared to post my story, but it was the best thing i ever did, just to know i wasent alone was and is such a great comfort thankyou and everyone here at MB<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

I'd like to tell my story but I don't know if I really belong here. I'll share maybe on tuesday because I would like to get some feedback, I've been carrying alot of guilt and confusion.<P>Thanks for the invite.. <P>I-am

Hi,<P>I'm a lurker (?) here, but I pot regularly on D/D. I have occasionally responded to posts where I feel I can offer some feedback. It's a great letter to newbies, and I think you should post it on all the forums!<P>What you say is so true, it's great to feel that I am not alone in this bad time in my life. It's wonderful to see such courage and dedication from people all over.<P>Thanks for writing this!<P>Nina

Hello everyone,<P>Thank you for the nice invitation to de-lurk. <P>I've been sitting here on the sidelines for a couple of months now, but wasn't sure when/if I should wander in and introduce myself. I sincerely appreciate the welcoming nudge.<P>I have been inspired a great deal by so many of you. Please know that you have helped me through many a sad and lonely night. My H's betrayal has been the deepest pain I have ever felt in my life and by coming here I have learned that I will eventually survive. <P>I have followed several of your stories, and I am sad to realize that my experience is not so unique. Sad because it hurts to know that so many people are out there suffering needlessly. Whoever coined the phrase, "Life is a *****", really knew what they were talking about.<P>Anyway.... thanks again. I will post more later.<P><BR>~SusanSusan~

For my new friends and the rest of the lurkers still looking for the strength to come to Trinity Brook.. <BR> <A HREF="http://ecardview.hallmark.com/hmk/Website/greeting.jsp?id=EG2177-154345-2507592" TARGET=_blank>http://ecardview.hallmark.com/hmk/Website/greeting.jsp?id=EG2177-154345-2507592</A> <P><BR>Welcome.. Take your time.. settle down next to your PC with a warm cup of coffee. Light a candle and start typing.. I'm ready to listen when you are ready. <P><P>------------------<BR>Semper Fi,<P><B>Husband2You</B><BR>*****<BR><I>···In the valley of the blind the one eye'd man is King···</I><P>· E-mail: <B> husband2you@petroleum.org </B> · ICQ: <B><A HREF="http://wwp.icq.com/1206499" TARGET=_blank>1206499</A></B> · Formerly: <B>E m p t y</B> ·

H2U What a lovely post!!!!!!!!!!! I lurk everyday and follow many of the MB storys, yours also H2U. I don't post because it is my daughter who is involved with a MM. I have used many of the MB principals on her. It is I, her mother, she uses to blame and rationalize her actions. So with a session with Jenifer Harley Chambers and the books His Needs Her Needs and Love Busters, My husband and I have been changing our ways: with eachother and with her. Sence we have told her clearly how we feel and gotten her in to counseling there is nothing left but to love her back to reality. Believe it or not we think that it is working. She has taken a great job that not only keeps her busy but moved her about 45min away from him=(morman bishop with 4 small children knows just how to keep her sucked in, a$$ hole). I would love for her to come on this board and read, she would then realize that her affair is like all the others BUT she thinks that hers is unique and "special" and that I just don't understand SO we continue to parent in plan A. <BR>Sometimes when I read I would like to respond but I see the wisdom on this board and can hardly believe what I read. I hope that many of you someday realize that it is God who is speaking through you and the rest of us soak it up like a sponge. Once I read something WAT said about this stuff being used on other people, co workers friends children etc. so that is how we decided to use it on our daughter. <BR>Thanks so much for the sensitive post.I sure wish I could use spell check when posting so you hit the nail on the head when you said don't worry about spelling etc. Thanks<P>------------------<BR>Marry

Thank you, H2U and "Hello" to everyone. I appreciate your welcome. I am not a WS, OP, or BS. I guess you'd say I was a BMIL. My daughter-in-law is the WS. I discovered MB in March as I was searching for help for my son and family in the wake of DIL's "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." speech to my son. You have all been such a big help. I check in everyday, and like "gottruth", I have such respect for you all.<P>I would love to hear from other MIL's. I haven't posted much because I am not on the front lines, so to speak, like most of you. I hurt, but it can't match yours, so I didn't want to intrude.<P>WDIL (totally unbeknownst to my son) set up an out-of-state move, filed for divorce (no hint what-so-ever), lied to him about the temporary conservatorship (= custody, in Texas) hearing, got temporary custody of their 2 1/2- year old son, and took my precious grandson 600 miles away from a father who cherishes him. This all came down in less than 4 weeks leaving my son dazed, crushed, and physically ill.<P>Evidentally, DIL initiated contact with a former boyfriend after nine years with no contact. (She is married 5 years to my son, travels on business, suffers clinical depression, had complaints about my son not making her happy.) You could take SAA and put her name in the blanks, and the story would read the same. Lies, deception, more lies. You all know the story. Son has been using Plan A, reading, and trying to be patient while having sleepless nights, losing 20 pounds, and missing his son and wife terribly. His main obstacle is the distance that separates them. DIL absolutely refuses to move back to Texas<BR>and, although she says she will break off the A, she is avoiding serious reconciliation talks. She want son to quit his job and move to where she lives with no guarantees of the outcome. The 600 mile distance that separates son and DIL (OM is in her same town) makes discussions and Plan Aing very difficult and not very effective. But son will keep trying before resorting to Plan B. He does have a lawyer and is seeing a marriage counselor and a Christian counselor. He reads the forum.<P>Sorry for the long post, but it explains why I am here. My question: I love(d) my DIL. We had no clue this was coming. An A is the last thing I would think she would do. I've kept my distance and will not speak my mind until the fate of the marriage is determined for fear of complicating an already lousy situation. I did fly to get grandson one time to give her "time to think." She has devastated people I love by her actions, and my grandson is so disturbed (and he doesn't even know why at 2 1/2). She has done such harm, especially to her own little boy. (Venting!) Anyway, what do you think? Do I just stay cool and nonjudgmental for the time being? What does a mom or mother-in-law do in situations like this? I know that my son wants them to work it out.<P>H@U and everyone, thanks. Other hurting in-laws and parents, maybe we can start some threads from our perspective.<P>

thanks -- I've lurked and learned from here since Jan, 2001. The D-Days have been many, and it was you guys who convinced me to get antidepressants which have saved me.<P>Recovery is a narrow road that twists and turns unexpectedly.<P>thanks again

I've lurked a lot.<P>I've also gone through phases where I posted kind of frequently, and then not posted for months.<P>Thank you for the invitation.<BR>

H2Y: You're awesome! Did you know that? This is such a thoughtful and wonderfully warm welcome to the 'lurkers' out in MB land.<P>With all that you've been through and are going through H2Y, it amazes me how you have the strength to help others. Orchid told me the same thing recently. And I tell her the same too . It's obviously one way we help ourselves to heal.<P>You're a good man H2Y. I know your W sees it. The fog has only blurred her vision. You're doing great. And I'm so proud of you! ((((((((( H2Y )))))))))<P>And to the 'lurkers', WELCOME!!! Please share your stories when you're ready. Start your own thread for more specific responses. But remember, it's a weekend, and a long weekend at that. It'll be slow on here, if it's like any other weekend at MB (grin). So please be patient if you don't get many responses, and feel free to bump your own post up to the top again (b/c unfortunately, some do get missed).<P>Karen<BR>

H2y You really started something!!!!!!!!<BR>Estes49 First of all I want to say that this Affair stuff hurts us parents too. I feel as badly for you and your son as I do for the wife and four small boys of my daughters MM. In response to your question about wheather you should get involved, My husband and I went to a Therapist about how we should approach our single daughter. She said that chances are our daughter would not listen to us and it may push her to HIM even stronger. Well I had not found MB yet and I did it my way. WRONG. The best we could do was to get her to go to conseling and start our own Plan A.<BR>What I'm trying to say is that if you can keep the lines of comunication open ie. write to her, call her as though nothing has happened, it will free her up to not stay in a definsive position. She may be embarrised and afraid to came back. <BR>I want to take my daughter by the shoulders and shake her and say "what are you doing"!!!!!!!!!!!! but I basicly did this and all it did was make this "man of god" a GOD. After all remember that you are not allowed to "judge" if you get my drift. It's hard not to be angry and writing this makes me feel angry all over again. It doesn't do anygood so we are in plan A.<BR>It will be 2yrs in october that the affair started and we aren't sure where it is today. We do know that the Bishop still is with his wife, we think she knows,and he still counsels people about adultry and he is getting away with it!!!!!!!!!!! <BR><P>------------------<BR>Marry

Hi H2U,<P>Have been lurking since Sept. 00, with one post. Will be reliving D-Day this weekend. Still married and going strong.<BR>I just want to thank you. It's time to start posting I think I can help many others. Look for me in the recovery board. (this site and many of the postings have helped me stay working on my marriage instead of the easy way out.) <BR>BS

H2U, wonderful! Just wanted to bump this post and also to encourage those who have replied...esp I-am...<P>tell your story when you feel ready..for me I kind of told it in pieces since the start, then I did a tome in August--two parts! I wasn't ready to share it all early on but others have posted theirs early and it helps us understand each other.<P>Please don't ever feel you don't belong. MB is the best therapy/support group I've found (besides God and a great MC and another C and of course, H forgiving me and helping me heal) It's not a problem we can talk endlessly about to others obviously and this is safe with anonymity, etc. <P>Lurkers, never doubt your wisdom either. Realizing some of you are from other sides of the coin helps everyone to develop a better understanding/perspective. Some of the best people here have not had As but chose to take action to improve M and life! <P>There's a place for everyone and we are so glad you read and pray and share our journeys. Always know you are included!<P> <P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start

Hi H2Y,<P>Hand it to you!!!! Great thread!! <P>Thanks for being so thoughtful to the many out there reading all our painful accounts. For you 'brave' posters, you are among those who know and care. For you readers (I don't really like the word lurkers, sounds eerie), read and post when you are ready. No rush, no pressure. The info here will always be action packed. Probably better than an novel. Real life is packed with heavy duty stuff.....<P>So welcome. <P>....and H2Y,<P>Mahalo bro....<P>L. <BR>

Once again, Husband2you, thanks for the open invitation. Wouldn't you like to open the door to Cyberland just for a moment and see who is really lurking out there? What a treasure trove of wisdom must be waiting.<P>Thanks gottruth? for your comments. I wrote more on the new thread.<P>I started a new thread for parents and in-laws for special concerns in that area.<P>Kudos to you H2U for giving us a jump-start with your post.<P>Let's keep bumping it up through the weekend.

H2Y,<BR>Great post. Your a very thoughtful person. <P>To the reader's,<BR>I think you should post when ever your ready, And let me tell you what a stress releaver it can be. Just to be able to vent and some one there to tell you to stay postitive, to keep your head high, and to Keep Smiling, is so helpful.<BR>To me it's like having friends without faces <BR>Good luck to you all. Sherry

Hello to all-<BR>I haven't been hanging around too long, but all of you have been a big source of support and advice. My story doesn't differ that much from everyone else's. <P>I am the BS. We have been married 7 years("celebrated" #7 2wks after d-day!). We have two beautiful daughters ages 5 and 3. D-day was 6/12/01. Prior to that things around the house had been pretty tense. H had been acting very strange and we had many many arguements.<P>On d-day H said the usual--"love you but not in love with you" "don't know what I want" "no intamacy at all" etc. <BR>But also stated that A had been over for a couple of weeks. Had lasted only a couple of months. Strong EA/led to PA. Both had decided they were hurting their families and wanted to the right thing. OW is married with one child. He left for a couple days then came home and we "started" to talk some things out. <P>Things were ok for a bit then in our second MC session he states that "our life is sh## and we are pretending that its not". Since then I have been on the roller coaster. Not knowing what feelings I am going to encounter in any given day. H that is distant and course or H that is somewhat there but at least not grough. <P>He is at least at home and he does state that if he didn't want to be there at all he would have been gone. I'm just taking it a day at a time and reading here as much as I can and reading the books. We are going to fill out the ENQ this weekend. I'm hoping that will help give insight to both of us. <P>Thank you all for being there even we don't know that you are. Your words are always welcome and appreciated. Thanks for the invite to share. Sorry I rattled on so long.

H2Y,<P>Awesome advice. It is hard to get started. Other people need the encouragement. I was closed off. This has really given me insight and courage to continue. <P><BR>Thanks for inviting others.<P>

TY for the welcome...<BR>I will come out of lurking to say Hello...<BR>I've lurked here for ever so long. Since early 2000...DDay was 12/99...<BR>I don't post here, as I belong to several other "help" groups, and I haven't the time, but reading has helped a lot...<BR>I'd bet there are MANY more like me - lurking, reading, gaining perspective...<BR>Hubby and I are in recovery. Doing well. It's been very hard. I don't totally agree with ALL of the MB principles, hence, another reason I don't post. But that does NOT mean that this site isn't helpful to me...<P>Thanks Hubby...<P>mandm040