I thought everything was going well... I was wrong. My wife announced that she was tired of riding the "rollercoster" of recovery. She is getting off. I am alone, and in need of advice.<BR>I had an affair one year ago. It was the biggest mistake of my life and I have been trying to regain my wife's trust and respect ever since. The road has been bumpy, to say the least. I had trouble ending all contact; I continued various forms of deception; I had many angry outbursts; I ignored many of her needs. But I thought I was getting better, and that we really had a chance of being happy again, perhaps even happier than before. (See my earlier post, "What I have learned since my affair".) Yet now I am told that the situation is without hope... I feel like my life is ending... <P>Of course, our situation is a lot more complex than this. I have been diagnosed as clinically depressed more than two years ago, and have been taking medication ever since. I have been struggling with depression, anxiety and episodes of mania for most of my life. The drugs help, but I still have days when the "Black dog" is with me, to use Churchill's expression. In some ways, I am fighting two battles right now -- one to save my marriage, and one to regain the piece of mind that I enjoyed as a child. My wife has always been supportive on the latter front, but the past year has erroded much of her strength.<P>The dog has been with me for the past two weeks now. I have tried explaining to my wife that my current mood has nothing to do with the affair, and that it is not a sign that I am having second thoughts. But I fear that she does not believe me -- I was showing similar signs in the midsts of the affair. I fear that this is why she is leaving me now...that it is really the rollercoster of my depression that is making her jettison our marriage.<P>What can I do? I am in therapy. I am taking medication. I am trying to make things better. Do you think she is simply bluffing? Is this part of plan B?<P>I realise that I am asking impossible questions. I don't expect any answers. I am just looking for hope...<BR>

<BR><<<The dog has been with me for the past two weeks now. I have tried explaining to my wife that my current mood has nothing to do with the affair, and that it is not a sign that I am having second thoughts. But I fear that she does not believe me -- I was showing similar signs in the midsts of the affair. I fear that this is why she is leaving me now...that it is really the rollercoster of my depression that is making her jettison our marriage.>><P>My H was also depressed during his A and it is a tough thing to live with. If he started showing signs of depression again I would probably be a nervous wreck, since the last time one of his "self medications" was an affair. Keep trying to reassure your W, ask her if there is anything you can do to make her feel better about the situation, any other steps you can take. Don't give up hope just yet.<P>What can I do? I am in therapy. I am taking medication. I am trying to make things better. Do you think she is simply bluffing? Is this part of plan B?<P>I realise that I am asking impossible questions. I don't expect any answers. I am just looking for hope...[/B][/QUOTE]<P>

Hi unan2, I'm sorry that things are not going so well for you at the moment. I have followed your posts, and very much admired your attitude to life, and your wife in your what you have learned since your affair post, Your post was very inspiring. My husband and I have been in recovery for nearly a year now also. I still find it very hard to deal with. He was depressed at the time of the affair, and I find it difficult to reconcile in my head whether the affair was the result of the depression, or the depression the result of the affair. As fairy dust said, I too would go into a mild panic if he started showing the same symptons again.<BR>I agree with fairy dust, reassure your wife, and reassure and reassure some more. Best wishes unan, I am sorry I am a bit short on advise for you. I hope this is just another dip on the rollercoaster ride, and that things start going upward fast.

I replied to your thread on the In Recovery board:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/004357.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/004357.html</A> <P>{{{{{{{{{{Unan2}}}}}}}}}<BR><P>------------------<BR>Never give up. Never, never give up.<BR>~ Winston Churchill