CAN ANYONE HELP!<P>I have been married for four years now. I am happy with my family. I have two great kids and a W I love more than anything. For the past year we have been having problems in our marriage. I am not for sure how to start but here it goes. A year ago my W had an A for four days. You know my W as ashamed7. She wrote to you on March 20th. She used your advise and told me about the A. I was very hurt but forgave her and I thought everythihg was going good considering what happened. She told me that she didn't want to lose me or the kids. She said she regreted what she did and she was sorry. I believed her and forgave her but it was hard to trust her. Then about a month ago she was acting odd again and I had to pry info but she finally told me that she didn't know if she wanted to be married anymore. She said it wasn't anything I had done she just wanted to do things in her life that I was holding her back from doing. It wasn't that she didn't want to be married to me she didn't want to married. She told me I was everything she ever wanted in a H she just needed space. She is 23 and I am 31. She had her first child at 17 and married me at 19. She then had our first child at 21. She feels that she missed some of her youth. She tells me that she wants to not have to answer to anyone, support herself and party. She told me that she loves me and the kids, but that she needs to be able to do these things with out me hounding her. Of course I am totally taken off guard by this. I don't know what to say. As if that wasn't bad enough I found out yesterday that she had been having another affair. This time more than once and she had only stopped seeing him because she started working and could not get away. I am hurt more than ever because I believed her when she said she was sorry she hurt me and would never do it again. After the last time I thought she would talk to me if she was feeling this way. She told me before I knew about the second affair that she wanted to seperate for a while. Get her own place and do what ever she wanted with out me hounding her. I asked her if she did this if we would still be faithful and with a I can't believe you just asked me look said yes. She said she would divorce me before she be with somebody else. Even though she had already been seeing someone. After finding out about the A she told me that she would have seen him agsin if I had not found out. She told me that she only saw him a few times over 4 or 5 months. She didn't know. I don't know what to think. She wasn't ready to end it the only reason I found out is because she left her email open. At first she tried to deny everything even after telling her I read it. She tried to say it wasn't what I thought but I new she was lying. She started working about a month ago and said she hadnt seen him since then but they had talked over the net. He tried to meet but she couln't because of work. That is the only reason she had stopped. The OM is married too and lives in Conway and his name is jeff peterson if his wife is reading. She told me it wasn't about the sex it was the excitement of doing something secret. It was an outlet for what she really wanted and it felt good. She said if she was able to do what she wanted without me hounding her it would not have happened. This hurt me very much but I still love her and want to be with her as incredible as that may sound it is true. I can't believe it myself. I understand that she is having problems but that is no excuse for what she has done. But I love her still the same. We have tried to come to an agreement. I will give her space. She is still going to live under the same roof. We are going to seperate expenses and she can do what ever she wants as long as she stays faithfull to me. She swears on her kids that she can do that, but I don't know if I can believe her, but I am willing. We both seem to want to work this out and maybe after she gets this out of her system we can be a family again. I want to believe her but I don't know if I am doing the right theing. She says that all she want is to to be independent and party and sex with someone else is not what she is after. I hope this is true. I am so confused. I may be hanging on to a hopeless marriage, but I have to try. I still love her and it is also best for the kids. She wanted to move out but with our work hours it is best for all parties that she stay here. So I convinced her to stay since we won't see a lot of each other with our jobs. I hope that everything can work out, but it is going to be hardest on me haveing to be so close to the person I love and getting nothing back. I hope that this is the best thing but I am so confused I don't know. I am like a cat in a tree hanging on for dear life. I told her long ago that The only thing I would ever leave her for was an A. I never realized how much I loved her until that day came. But I did tell her that the third time was a charm I would not do it again. It hurts to much. Some days I tell myself she doesn't deserve the love I give her and that I deserve better. But I can't stop loving her and wanting her in my life. I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P> TOTALLYCONFUSED<P>

Read Surviving an Affair - pronto.<BR>Start Plan A.<BR>Just know the weekends are slow here -you will get more responses in a day or so.<P>I would suggest more paragraphs in your next post - it just makes it easier to read.<P>Also - I would suggest you edit your post and delete the specific info re: OM.<P>You are going through a lot of pain right now - and believe me we ALL understand exactly what you are going through. That is why this site is so useful.<BR>Take care