I haven't updated in several days. My W and I had a counseling session last Tuesday. When we got there, the counselor asked what had been happening lately.<P>I surprised my W by saying that I suspected that she had been in contact with OM over the past 2 days. My W acted very surprised and said,"what? Where is this coming from?" I asked her if she had be communicating with him and she said no. I asked if she was willing to prove it and she asked how. I told her to get request copies of all of the incoming and outgoing calls on her cell phone. She got upset but said ok. Later in the session, we talked about accountability. I said that I have absolutely no trust in her and that I want to trust her but that she is always so vague in her answers. My W basically said that she thought it was ridiculous that she has to explain to me her every action. <P>The counselor asked my W why she didn't want to be accountable. My W said that I push for answers/accountability and she resists. The counselor told her to try to not resist everything. I wasn't sure at the time if my W fully comprehended what the counselor was saying to us - at least not until the next day.<P>The next morning my W called and gave me her schedule for the day, told me that she was going to the cell phone store later to request the information I asked for, and gave me her school schedule. Later in the day she called and said that she went to cell phone store but they couldn't give her that information until the end of the month and that she would give it to me then. <P>I had the kids that night. The next morning my W called me at 6:30 to tell me what her schedule for the day was and that she was on her way to school to get some reading done before her first class. Of course, I immediately thought that it was strange that she had left already and why hadn't she done the reading last night. Darned if she didn't call me back 10 minutes later to tell me that she knows I get suspicious when I have the kids and she is by herself. She then told me that the night before she spent 3 hours cleaning the garage, an hour and a half on the phone with her sister (on the house phone not her cell phone so that I can verify it if I want) and then an hour and a half on the phone with her girlfriend in California (again on the house phone not her cell phone so that I can verify it if I want). She then said that she knows that I am probably thinking that if she is on the road that early that it could be because she stayed at a hotel and explained that the traffic was horrendous on Monday (it has been pouring down rain for days here) and that she wanted to beat the traffic and get some reading done. I simply told her thank you very much. I know she hates doing this (I can hear it in her voice), but I really have to give her credit for trying. She obviously still wants to try to make this marriage work otherwise why is she doing what she is doing. She must have heard every word the counselor was saying. <P>She has called everyday since and given me her daily schedule and even called me once when she did something outside of the schedule to tell me the deviation. <P>I desparately want to be encouraged by this, but to be honest, I have been lied to so many times it is REALLY hard to take this at face value. I have to keep telling myself, "what does she have to gain to keep stringing me along?"<P>Any thoughts from you folks?<P>S&C<BR><p>[This message has been edited by sadandconfused (edited September 02, 2001).]

sadandconfused,<P>I find this VERY encouraging!!! Your W obviously wants to make this work, and you should be excited.<P>Good Luck, Heck

My 3 cents:<P>Sounds like improvement to me <P>I like you have been lied to alot. But, it sounds like you W is making a try at opening up her activities. I would try to keep my chin up and hang in there. Try not to LB. I know it's not easy!! <P>I think she is trying to win your trust back.<P>good luck!

sadanconfused that sounds very promising to me. Whatever the counselor said seems to have had some affect on her. God Luck to you. Hang in there and keep doing what you're doing. Remember no LB's (I'm so good at giving advice about that need to work on that one myself). Take care and keep updating us on your situation.<BR>cybil

I'm glad that you got the desired response from you that you were looking for. I'm happy that you are happy with this as progress. I do understand that you are putting the pressure on her so that you can regain trust in the relationship.<P>However I must add my personal feelings on this subject as well, perhaps I am the only person here that feels this way?<P>I'm glad that my spouse would never ask me to report into him, nor would I ask him to. I would feel like a child reporting into my parent (and would reversely feel like a parent asking for it) And that was one of the problems in my marriage that led to an affair... that my H treated me like a child and he my parent to the point that I felt like I had no freedom to make any choices or conduct my schedule anyway that I saw fit without first having it judged. I hated both being put into a child's role and having everything judged.. so this would never ever work for me and would in fact drive me even further away from him.<P>JMHO<BR>