I have just one basic question. how do you deal with lies from a WS without it turning into a LB? Specifically, I have substantial proof that WS has been seeing OP during weekends that she claims to be going for training for a small in-home business that she has. This is basically once a month. The "proof" was in the form of a cell phone bill. Everyday she called him at home (he is single)in the evenings. This particular weekend she called him at work on a Friday afternoon after she left for her meeting. There were no more calls to him until Sunday evening when she would have been coming home. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what is going on. I did confront her about the bill, which I suppose was a LB. It was the usual "snooping" accusation. She did say that she stopped and saw him. Of course I did remind her that it would have been out of her way. This is not the only "proof" I have of the A, but there is no point in getting into that. My hope is that the monthly trips will stop on their own accord, but my question is what if she still wants to go? How do I handle it. I have to say something. Doesn't it send a message to the WS and the OP if you just say "yes dear you go ahead because I don't want to do a LB!" Doesn't that tell them, hey this guy is a real dumb a-- or just doesn't care. Neither is true. I dearly love my W and my goal is to save our marriage. Please help me on this one!

Just a question, but could you go with her on these monthly week end trips? Make it a special for the two of you after she goes to her meetings. You will know that if she is adamantly against your coming along, then she has something to hide.<P>And if you have children, I bet you have some close friends who would be happy to help out in this kind of situation,<BR>especially if they know the truth.<P>Just my thought here.<BR>debbie<P>------------------<BR>"I find the great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving. To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it ---- but we must sail, not drift nor lie at anchor." Oliver Wendall Holmes

Thanks for your reply. This is strictly a womans business and I'm sure I would not be welcome. I do feel at one point they may have been legit. But now I think it has just given her an excuse. As far as somebody watching our son who knows about our situation, there isn't anyone, because I have not told anybody. Something like that might be fine in a recovery situation. However, in my opinion we are a long way from recovery, because she has admitted to nothing until I show proof. Then I get lies or blame shifting. It is very frustrating. Quite frankly I'm tired of presenting proof. There is enough proof believe me. Sometimes I wish she would just level with me and tell me what I can do to make her happy, no matter what it is.