My wife (WS), has contacted a friend about going to stay with her for an undisclosed period of time beginning next week. This she says is for her health (sleeping, etc.), and a way to step back from the situation and evaluate the pain she is experiencing. How much is for OM, how much for what she sees she has done to us, and how much is just knowing that she ultimately may end up alone. She says that she still has a very strong love for the OM, which is causing her great pain. Since he lives right next door to us, I too see him or am aware of his presence at all times. I have not spoken with him, and he has gone to great lengths to avoid being seen by me or to avoid personal contact. She says he is dealing with his own guilt issues. He is single, so there is no guilt coming from that angle. My wife and I are sleeping in separate bedrooms on different floors of the house. Last evening, she came down to my room and asked if she could come in. I said that she could. She proceeded to kneel by my bed and pray, asking that God would grant me the gift of sleep and peace last night. She also said that she is still not sure about how long she will need to be gone and thanked me for being understanding. This morning when I heard her get up to get ready for work, I stayed in my room. She thought that I was sleeping, so I gave her the "gift" of staying there so that she could begin her day in a quiet and contemplative way, without distraction. She called me at work late this morning just to say hi, since she had missed me this morning, saying she was happy that I was able to sleep. She is still very much in love with this OM, but I am sensing some of the barrier between us to be softening. I pray that I am able to continue to function well, and demonstrate a willingness to her that I am seeking real change in our marriage. One last thing. I noticed a book this morning that she must have just purchased. It was Mars and Venus Together Forever. Not sure what this means. It could just as well refer to them as to us, but for now I am clinging to the latter. Thanks again for listening.<P>BrokenH

Hi BH,<P>That is how it is, all mixed up and confused. You are seeing small steps, don't jump for joy yet. Just wait and watch. Your patience will pay off. This is hard for the BS at times. Very hard. <P>Keep posting here and reading what you can. Vent when you need to and ask for support when you want it. <P>Take care, <BR>L. <BR>

We're listening and hearing you...<P>Hmmm... Is there any way you guys could move away? <P>Maybe don't assume that OM won't feel any guilt. If/when he becomes a H, he will fully realize what he has done to you, if not sooner... Turn OM over to God, & God'll take care of him...<P>Meanwhile, let's be praying for your wife while she is gone. I think the book represents her attempt to understand relationships? Perhaps you should buy and read the book too, and just keep it to yourself?! Then maybe you can ask her questions indirectly about the material that stood out to you... Just an idea?<P>Hang in there, buddy.<p>[This message has been edited by BINthereDUNthat (edited September 07, 2001).]