Minor Break through with Positive Action Steps:<P>In counseling, W agreed we need to work on issues as opposed to her strategy of moving forward & Ignoring issues – this is good! <BR>Yesterday was big event for us in that after talking with a co-worker & her boss & her Counselor she came to my office after C session with a difficult message for her to deliver. She had an accidental run in with last OM the day before (our 31st wedding anniversary). It seems she had coincidental contact with OM. She was having a bad day and went home from work yesterday and he was doing work for one of our neighbors & had his truck parked in front of our house. She was extremely upset & went over & confronted him & told him that he had a lot of nerve to do any work in our neighborhood & that he better not ever come back. He asked her if I would confront him & she told him that I would, that I was very hurt over this. He said that he assumed we would both be at work. She mentioned to him that we were in counseling & she said he said he was glad --I’m SURE he really cares! <BR>She was very nervous about whether to tell me & she said The day before she called her work she told her co-worker & boss that I would think she planned this. She ended up going back to work & calling me & telling me she was working a little longer. We had a joint C’ing session that early evening (Sept. 5). She said her boss thought it was a message from God that this happened. My W said she felt good in that it brought closure to the deal. She had told me on D/D that they (OM & her) had decided not to meet again, but I never bought that – she just left town (on my request) & never called him – This I believe was the reason I kept getting unusual calls with “Unavailable” on caller ID & hang ups. That is until I called OM W! <BR>With her confession of contact, I was a little put off in that it gave me intense triggers about their past activities; but it ultimately gave me some relieve that she is perhaps making progress with the openness & honesty policy & is perhaps actually committed to the marriage. When she told me this I told her that I was very pleased that she was honest with me about this, but that I did not have this warm & friendly feeling for her right then & that I had to process this. I emphasized that it was good though & that I was not at all mad at her, that I was pleased that she told me! After she left I called her & told her I was feeling really good about her & I ended up taking the afternoon off & going home & I felt we actually made love! I smothered her with passion, & commitments of my love for her & I felt a return of such in her actions – then & this morning!<P>I can now see that in the last few weeks I was giving a lot of non-verbal & some verbal signs that I was struggling with the trust thing – (As you all well know from my posts!), and I sense this was causing her a lot of stress as to whether she should make more efforts to commit to me. <P>I have always been the pursuer in our relationship. An assignment we have from our Counselor is for us to reverse the roles some & she is supposed to call me every day on her lunch break. She really resists any direction, or what she may perceive as someone else’s “Control” over her. She said in counseling that it could be at any time, like she does not have a regularly scheduled lunch break & that she may be standing -- like she is really over-worked & has very little time – (I believe they have a Department of Labor with rules about this stuff?!), and that she may not catch me. She has been calling me more of late & always calls my cell phone, which I always have with me & I don’t recall her missing me as such – At any rate, the C answered all these little dodging kind of statements by saying or asking if she could leave a message. My W agreed -- We’ll see if she follows through. It’ 12:55 PM & no call yet! She just called!<P>The bottom line is that I’m feeling better about things! Maybe we are in fact in Recovery now!<P>Peace to all!<BR>HH<P>

...Trust is a hard thing! I'm glad you had something positive occur to help you rebuild that trust...<P><BR>Cali